


First to Fall: You I See

by dontmindthedinosaur



Series: First to Fall [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drinking, F/F, Femslash, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mild Language, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Rape/Non-con Elements, Smut, Tag requests welcomed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 03:50:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 54,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17573327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontmindthedinosaur/pseuds/dontmindthedinosaur
Summary: A sequel/side-story to First to Fall, retelling events from Pearl's point of view.Pearl, a senior year student at Beach City University, lives with three and a half roommates. When a shocking truth hits her, she decides to keep it a secret, away from roommates and friends. How will her relationships grow... or break into pieces?





	1. Rose

**Author's Note:**

> I've been meaning to post this fic for a while, but have not gotten around to it. The whole story is complete and edited, but will post chapter to chapter rather than all at once. 
> 
> Just to reiterate, this story is set in the same time-frame as the previous First to Fall, but showing Pearl's point of view.

Why in the word at a time like this did she feel like laughing? There was nothing remotely funny nor humorous about the situation, quite the opposite. Yet every impulse within her wanted to burst in hysterics.

Turning the key in the ignition, her sedan immediately began a low hum. It was her car’s special way of saying, “I’m ready to go as fast as your foot hits the pedal.” Both hands shook as she grasped the steering wheel, and shifted the gear in drive.

Without making too much noise or burning any rubber, she flew down the street without looking back in any of the mirrors, intentionally ignoring standard defensive driving practices. In situations like this, being a little rebellious could clear her mind of piercing emotions.

She turned up the radio volume, to the point where it almost hurt her ears.

_The Beach City Rock and Metal station, how fitting._

At this time, silence was ill comforting. She needed someone, anyone, to talk to, in order to pull her away from her mind. She did not want to be alone, but there were not too many other options. There was no way she could go to her roommates, her best friends. Therefore, she would just have to settle for background noise.

Grabbing her vape pen from the passenger’s seat, she clicked the button and took a large inhale. Releasing a large cloud from her lungs, she repeated the action like any addicted chain smoker. The thought of a nice smoke leached itself in her mind.

Slowing down at the stop light, she noticed in the corner of her eye a gas station right next to her. “ _No Pearl, no,”_ she told herself firmly out loud. “You’re not going to start smoking cigarettes again. That’s where you draw the line.” But her addiction from the past continued to haunt her, and the red light was taking forever to change. Groaning and slamming a hand on the steering wheel, she turned into the lot. A feeble attempt to avoid her addiction indeed.

Once purchasing her fix, she hurried back to her car and threw on her aviators, to block the blinding light from the sunset, which was almost gone. But she didn’t feel like smoking right there in the parking lot, in front of passing traffic. She couldn’t go back home either, not now.

Instead, Pearl tossed the pack of cigarettes to the side seat, and drove onto the freeway. Despite the city being called _Beach_ City, it could take ten minutes or an hour to actually get to a beach. But no matter the length, she decided to drive there regardless.

The directions there were easy, and Pearl magically did not experience any traffic congestion.

_For once in my life._

It was a warm, late, Saturday evening in spring. She would have thought more people would be out tonight. Pearl drove down a two-lane road through a canyon, on the outskirts of the Beach City, which led straight to her favorite beach. Forget that, it _used to be_ her favorite beach.

If she wanted to face her situation, she would have it where it all started. It was a little too symbolic for her, but it still seemed appropriate to physically backtrack to the place she met her.  

Parking at a slight angle in the lot, Pearl kicked off her shoes and swapped them out for a dusty pair of sandals, remembering her leather jacket and cigarettes as well. Down at the beach, it could get pretty cold, even during this time of year. The warmth in the sand was fading, but still soothed her feet. Pearl walked right past the obvious yellow sign that said “no trespassing after dark.”

Pearl did not really care, and besides, she had done worse things.

The sound of rising and crashing waves filled her ears with ill-comfort. It reminded her of home. But she was not here to be comforted.

Hopping around the tide pools, she was the only one there in sight. Something about it seemed off. Maybe it was just herself wishing for one of her friends. But what could she realistically do, talk to Amethyst or Garnet about it?

Garnet was a solid “maybe.” Amethyst however, was out of the question.

“Oh, what’s the use,” Pearl cried, plopping down on a half-dry rock with barnacles on it, and tossing a pebble which she had picked up into the ocean. Fumbling around for her pack, she lit the cigarette between her fingers and breathed deep. But as she exhaled, her throat tightened and her head felt hot. The sobbing came out of nowhere, and Pearl leaned forward to cover her face with both hands.

She allowed herself to fill her mind with memories, back to that fated day they met.

It was all thanks to Amethyst's suggestion to create a profile LGBT dating app.

It felt a bit ridiculous to put herself out there online, but she did not know any other way to find similar women to date. Even online it felt empty. The day she matched with Rose changed everything.

On the app it said she was a verified user, so this person was very likely not a catfish, or some other detestable character. They sent video snaps which was enough confirmation for Pearl and exchanged numbers. The first thing Pearl noticed was that Rose lived nearby, within ten miles. It would be a week later, when they met for the first time in person, on their first date.

As soon as Pearl laid eyes on her, her beauty was stunning. Her natural, curly hair went down below her chest in unbelievably perfect ringlets. She was taller, a little over half a foot. Her skin and complexion had a soft look. Everything about Rose at first glance, from her perfectly shaped lips to her baby pink sun dress was downright attractive.

She could not believe how lucky she was to even be on this date, hoping to the stars she would not screw up.

That fated day still rang clear, despite it going pretty straightforward. They mostly strolled along the beach, spending most of their time getting to know each other. Mainly their likes and dislikes, what they did for work, what hobbies they had, and related subjects.

Rose was a full-time nurse, studying for her PHD to become a doctor. Pearl assumed she must really like helping people if she was in that profession.

“So, what are you studying?” Rose said warmly. By watching her expression, it was obvious the other woman was enjoying her time as well.

“Astrophysics,” Pearl began. “But compared to what you do it doesn’t sound quite as exciting-”

“Why, that’s amazing! You must be amazingly smart to understand all the physics that goes into it. There really is a need for more women in science fields. Never downplay your interests.” 

“A-alright!”

“And for the record, everything you’ve said so far sounds interesting to me.”

This was the moment Pearl realized she fell head over heels in love with a woman she just met.

She kept it all in of course, after all they did meet online and rushing things would be foolish. They would take their time to get to know each other, and when the time was right, Pearl would tell her. But after three months of dating there never seemed to be a perfect time. Even if it was obvious Rose liked her back, it was still all too soon.

There were still things Pearl did not know about the older woman. Even after all the time they had dated, she was still an enigma. And her own intuition whispered that there might be something she was hiding. But she brushed it off. Maybe she was just overwhelmed by how she felt for Rose. She only revealed as much of her own personal life as Rose did with her.

They talked and texted every day, even if it just was a good morning. During those months it was rare if Pearl did not receive a text, even though usually Rose was working hectic shifts and in school.

In class, Pearl found herself distracted, habitually daydreaming about Rose. As a result, she saw the results of this in her quiz scores, and forced herself to focus more during lectures. But college life seemed dull and bland. Life when Rose was not around was boring and gray.

Looking down Pearl saw she had smoked half the pack of cigarettes without realizing it. If she was going to become hooked again, it would be her own damn fault. This would not be the first time she would screw herself over when trying to quit.

She recalled the last time she had contact with Rose. There was no way she could ever forget that night. They had gone out on a date in downtown Beach City to bar hop and check out a lesbian club, which were few and far between. Typically Rose became extremely physical, not being able to keep her hands off of Pearl.

When they danced, Pearl could still imagine Rose’s body pressed against her own. A shiver went down her spine when Rose whispered in her ear, hands trailing down her sides, “Come back to my place tonight.”

They had not been to each other’s homes before, so this was a pivotal step in their relationship. But Pearl knew exactly what to expect. She wanted it too. Pearl responded by kissing Rose on the lips hard.

Driving them back home, Pearl followed directions from her date. The moment they stepped inside and the front door shut in the house, Rose immediately pushed Pearl up against the wall, raising her arms while kissing her neck.

“Oh…” was all that moaned out of Pearl mouth. The feeling was so overwhelmingly powerful, especially with Rose’s leg between her own. Her primal instincts fully replaced her critical thoughts. “Oh Rose…”

The older woman stopped, her lips released from Pearl’s skin. With a scheming look in her eye, she said “Wait here, I have a surprise for you in my room.”

Pearl’s body ached all over for Rose, which became especially clear when Rose released her grip. “Of course, dear,” she said smiling, dazed in the moment. This night was going magically, and now they were finally about to do it.

Once Rose left for down the hall, the thin girl heard a door shut and click. Snapping back into reality, Pearl considered she was alone in a stranger’s home, though Rose really was no stranger. As an attempt to brush off the uncomfortable thoughts, Pearl studied the living room. It was well furnished, chic, and well-designed. Pearl deducted Rose was well off. Perfect for gatherings and cozying up. She walked around the coffee table, tracing a finger over the laminate wooden surface while admiring the unique grain of wood.

The enormous book shelf was the second thing to capture Pearl’s attention. Personally, she loved to read mostly science fiction and non-fiction books. She was curious as to what Rose’s taste was. The titles ranged from _The Chronicles of Homeworld_ , to _I’m Not Even Lion: Hacks on Taking Care of Your Feline Companion_ , to _20 Hues of Pink_. Pearl let out a small chuckle. The last was a pretty sapphic novel Pearl once attempted to pick up in a previous point in time. Despite the number of lesbian characters, Pearl could just not get into it. Grazing over the titles, down at the bottom shelf she saw photo albums stacked on top of each other.

Pearl knew from just being around her, that Rose enjoyed taking photos and savoring moments. When they were together, it was always a candid photo shoot. Curious, Pearl innocently picked up the first album, and flipped open the cover.

 _What was Rose’s life really like?_ She had no idea on what she was about to find.

Immediately, Pearl covered her mouth as she flipped frantically through the pages. Tears wallowed in her eyes. She did not expect this. It could not be true.

Proven by the wedding photos, Rose was already married to someone else.

Flipping furiously now, she saw she already had two kids. A girl and a boy. And then she realized how familiar the girl looked. She knew now who Rose’s daughter was, and this fact terrified her the most.

She was dating Amethyst, her roommate’s _mom._

For so long, she knew there had to be something more to Rose, but there was no way she could have known. How horribly naive she was.

Pearl closed the album quietly and placed it back exactly where it was before. Rose was still in her room doing who knew what, and now she felt physically ill. She needed to leave, get out of this place, _now_. Before she did anything else she would end up regretting.

Fortunately, Pearl was small and could move around stealthily, so slipping out the front door and to her car was easy. But at the second when she got into her car, she frantically turned on the engine and hightailed it out of there.

And now, here she was.

It was easy to space out by the lull of the ocean, and too easy to end up brooding. Everything about this once happy place now felt miserable and melancholy, so Pearl decided to go back home after about an hour.

Driving back to the Temple, Pearl made sure to get all her tears out before her roommates saw her. This whole time they had no clue she was dating in the first place, because she wanted to figure out a good explanation of how she and Rose met. Now, it did not seem to matter anymore. If she told them, Amethyst would surely figure it out, and would create unnecessary heartache. It would be best to keep everything to herself and not tell anyone.

Once she parked on the side street, she pulled the napkins from her glove box to wipe away the tear stains and fix any smudged makeup. After fixing up her face and deciding she looked somewhat intact, Pearl gained the courage to go inside.

“Hey P, you’re just in time!” Amethyst said happily, munching on kettle corn. “Garnet and I are about to start a marathon of _Rockers_!”

Looking into Amy’s loving eyes, it was too clear now that Rose really was Amethyst’s mom. Why did she not realize it before?

“Saved you a seat,” Garnet smiled and patted the couch cushion next to her.

“Maybe another night, I’ve had a long evening. I think this girl is going to go to bed,” Pearl yawned as she stretched. Did it seem too fake?

“Well, okay then, some other time,” Amethyst said casually, putting up her platinum blonde hair.

There was no way Pearl could look at Amethyst again tonight, not without feeling horribly heartbroken and ashamed. She crawled in bed after putting on sweats and a tank top, thinking to herself how incredibly stupid she was to be led like that. She allowed herself to get to this place, and not open her eyes. It was by her own doing, that her heart was torn like this.


	2. Peridot

“I’m gay! Capeesh?”

 _Peridot is gay too?_ The coincidence was all just too funny for Pearl. What were the chances? She covered her mouth with her hand to hide her laughter. She could not help it, of course this would be their roommate situation.

But the pink haired girl stopped once she saw the hurt look on Peridot’s face, as if someone had just slapped her.

“I’m sorry,” Peridot immediately got up from the sofa, looking none of them in the eyes, and turned to escape to her room.

“Wait,” Garnet, the oldest of them, caught the short blonde girl gently by the arm.

“We aren’t mad with you Peridot,” Pearl said, letting out her last chuckle indicative that everything was completely fine.

Amethyst, sitting close to her right said, “Yeah, actually now that you bring up the subject, we have something to tell you. None of us here are actually straight.”

“Seriously?” Peridot squeaked, and Garnet gave back her arm. “This whole time?”

“Since I came ‘outta the womb! But seriously, there’s nothing for you to be ashamed about.”

“We all understand,” Garnet added.

“I apologize for laughing,” Pearl found herself saying. “That was probably not the best response. I just found it so ironic. I’m lesbian, just like you.”

Relief overcame Peridot’s expression, “That kind of makes sense now. What about you guys?” She looked over at Amethyst and Garnet.

“Pansexual. I like people regardless of gender,” Garnet said short and to the point, typical for her.

“Meh,” Amethyst shrugged her shoulders. “Not too sure, I’m figuring that out as life goes by or who comes along.”

“Well. This was unexpected,” Peridot gave a nervous laugh. “This whole time I wanted to say something but didn’t know how to. This is my first time coming out so…”

“Wait, your first time coming out, like, ever?” Amethyst was amazed.

Peridot nodded, “I’ve never felt the need to before now.” Pearl saw Peridot tremble just slightly. It was clearly overwhelming for her, and even though she had nothing to worry about, adrenaline could also wreak havoc on emotions. _I wonder exactly how long she’s been holding this in,_ Pearl thought to herself.

“Dude we need to celebrate this!”

“Celebrate?” Peridot raised an eyebrow, confusedly.

“Of course! We should go out dancing or grab drinks, at least do something.”

“Why are we celebrating my coming out?”

“The real question should be, why aren’t we?” Garnet piped in. “You’re our friend, and this was a big deal for you. We understand, in different ways of course, how coming out can be terrifying.”

“And even if you don’t want to go out, that’s perfectly alright too,” Pearl wanted to leave the option open to Peridot. For some reason, she got the vibe Peridot was not into bars. The shorter girl was not prudish at all or anti-social. But she was not exactly a party animal either.

“I haven’t seen much of you guys lately, since work has kept me in my cave 24/7,” Peridot said regrettably.

“You’re not the only one,” Garnet related. Pearl knew how Garnet worked almost every night shift, and would wake up every morning to the sound of her entering their room, back from work. She was very skilled at not showing it, but the pink haired girl could detect that she was always exhausted. Occasionally, Garnet would work day shifts which would throw the older woman’s sleep schedule off even more.

“Sounds like we all need to get a life,” Amethyst laughed.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, since you’ve spent the past few days at the beach and playing video games,” Pearl pointed out, exposing her best friend’s leisurely schedule.

“It’s a rough life, but somehow I manage.”

“But back to the topic. I don’t see why we shouldn’t go out and do something fun, if you’re fine with it Peridot.”

“We should go this Saturday, tomorrow night,” Garnet looked down at her watch, “only if we’re all free.”

“And hopefully this won’t turn out like last time,” Pearl said under her breath, watching Amethyst shoot her a glance.

“Hey I apologized for that!”

“Actually,” Peridot interrupted the two teasing friends, “Going out dancing isn’t really my thing.”

Pearl’s hunch was correct, but still Amethyst persisted.

“Come on, it’ll be fun! And all of us will look out for you, so you don’t feel terrible the next day!”

“If she doesn’t want to, then we can find something else to do,” Pearl stated again. She did not want Peridot to feel peer-pressured any more than she was already. It took a lot of nerves to come out to the three of them at the same time, and she wanted to validate that the shorter girl could feel safe around them.

“Just this once, and I promise we’ll never drag you out again.” Knowing her best friend, she would definitely try again in the future if Peridot agreed.

“I suppose one time wouldn’t hurt,” the blonde girl sighed, her face relaxing.

“That’s the spirit!”

 _Was that supposed to be a terrible pun?_ Sneaking a glance in Peridot’s direction, Pearl noticed the blonde’s olive eyes glinting at the joke.

_Yes._

* * *

 

 

The next night rolled around quickly, despite writing a paper for her Physics of Stars and Stellar Systems class took up her entire day. However, she rarely disliked the required classwork, and her brain absorbed it like a sponge. Astrophysics was definitely the right choice, even though her choice meant having to write a ten-page paper on the effects of protostars.

The five of them, which included Amethyst’s cousin Jasper, made their way down town in Garnet’s car. She sat right next to Peridot, who was always squished into the middle seat by default and because she was so short.

It was decided there in the car that they go to the most popular lesbian club in Downtown Beach City, so Peridot could get the “full, LGBT experience,” according to Amethyst. If she had known they would be going there, Pearl would have worn one of her dresses. Not her high-waisted shorts and vintage 80’s shirt. Good thing at least she brought her pastel pink leather coat.

At the decision, Peridot quickly changed the subject to something else entirely. This was obviously new to her, though the blonde never indicated it was. Did she not feel comfortable with her sexuality yet? Maybe she was still coming to terms with it, and wanted to take things slow.

Or Peridot might more relate with Garnet. Her roommate dealt with a lot of guilt and shame growing up, most of it coming from her family and old friends. In bits and pieces Garnet shared that story with her, until Pearl was able to piece together the puzzle which was Garnet’s past. Pearl wanted to ask her more about it, and knew Garnet would have no problem talking about it. But it never seemed like an appropriate moment to do so.

Amethyst on the other hand grew up with people who fully accepted her. She never knew a world where the topic of sexuality and identity could be taboo. That could also explain why she kept pushing the idea to go to a lesbian club, without really considering or understanding Peridot. It likely never crossed her mind that even though Peridot had just come out, she was still getting to know herself and that it might be a little overwhelming and uncomfortable. There was no way Peridot would say something like this out loud though.

After getting out of Garnet’s car and walking down the sidewalk, Peridot did not say much. She was not the type to be at a loss of words or be this quiet, unless something shocked or bothered her. So after they flashed their IDs to the bouncer and went inside, Pearl asked her shorter friend standing next to her, “Are you alright?”

Peridot just nodded, looking around intently to absorb the new experience. It was too hard to hear past the heavy music. 

The club, Girlfriends, was usually this loud, and as the night progressed it would only get louder. Like any place out here, it closed anywhere from two to four in the morning. More than once had Pearl come here with her friends, and stayed until the staff began kicking people out. She herself never got into the dancing much, though Amethyst and Jasper sure did. Rather, she enjoyed simply sitting outside to drink and socialize. Typically, Garnet would join her, while the two cousins would go off on their own escapades.

They first went to the bar, where a bartender with a similar build as Jasper was furiously making drinks. While Amy was giving Peridot the low down on what drinks she preferred, she quickly said to the bartender, “I’ll have a Mai Tai.”

“This tab’s on me,” Pearl could hear Jasper announce directly behind her.

Jasper and Amethyst were always generous when it came to the subject of drinking. Maybe that was why Jasper never could afford to move in with them, because she was constantly broke from spending all her money getting wasted. _Figures._

But Pearl readily accepted Jasper’s offer, mainly because she owed them one from the last time out. And also, the previous time before that. Glancing back at the bartender, she added, “I’m with her.”

In no time at all, her drink was made and almost downed half of it with one sip. Secretly she had waited for this all night. One beverage became two, and she decided by the third to open up a separate tab. The intoxicating feeling began creeping up inside, but Pearl chose to ignore it. She, Peridot, and Garnet went to sit outside for some fresh air, while Amethyst and Jasper were inside likely getting into trouble. The patio overlooked the boulevard, all lit up with neon lights steaming the buildings and loud music from other surrounding nightclubs. It seemed even brighter during the summer.

The two girls managed to snag a high table next to a heat lamp, luckily for them, since the place was really beginning to get packed. Slightly tipsier than she expected to end up, Pearl fingered around her purse for her vape. As soon as she found it, she hurriedly clicked it on, brought it to her glossy peach lips, and blew out a thick cloud.

“You know that vaping is bad for you,” Garnet stated, leaned back in her seat with an amused raised eyebrow.

“Really? I wasn’t aware at all,” Pearl chuckled back. “It’s sure better than those awful cigarettes though.”

Garnet sighed, “I know.” And the older girl really did know. It was seven years ago since Garnet quit smoking cold turkey. Initially it was rough for the first few weeks, but as months passed it gradually became easier to go without a cigarette. Even though they had known each other for a less amount of time, they were close enough where Pearl and Amethyst knew quite a bit about Garnet’s past.

But it wasn’t exactly true the other way around. There were secrets neither one of her best friends knew, secrets she would rather die for than say out loud. Namely the largest one being she dated and almost had sex with Amethysts mother. No, there was no way anyone was going to find out about this. To this day she still regretted it, and was still mending her heart.

The other secret, the one she could not even acknowledge herself, she dared not think about.

They chatted about non-serious subjects like food, which turned into a conversation about the best hole-in-the-wall eateries in Beach City. It was a subject she and Garnet knew far more about than Peridot, since it wasn’t too long from the time Peridot moved out here. After a little more than an hour plus a few more drinks, their casual conversations were interrupted by two familiar, incredibly drunk characters.

“Woooooo buddy,” Amethyst exclaimed from behind, wrapping a friendly arm around Peridot’s shoulder. “Having fun yet? It’s time to have another!” She shoved an electric blue drink in Peridots face, slurring all her words. “Got it to match the hair of that cute bartender you were checking out.”

At the comment, Peridot became flustered, “I wasn’t… It wasn’t that obvious, was it?”

“Sorry, it kinda was,” Jasper sloppily pointed out, attempting to lean against the chair but almost fell over.

“Ohohoho! So you _are_ into her!” Amethyst said, amused by the fact she got Peridot to actually admit something.

“No that’s not what-“

“Hey guys, we’re gonna steal P over here and make her dance with some girls. Maybe we can even convince that bartender to take a ten-minute break from her shift,” Amethyst tried to subtly wink, which came out as a full blink.

Peridot’s eye’s widened, “I really don’t think that’s a good idea-“

But she was interrupted again. “Come on P, you just came out the other day. Now the second step is to find you a girlfriend.” Quickly by the arm she began dragging Peridot off her seat and back into the club. Pearl grinned, expecting Amy and Jasper to pull something like this on Peridot all night. They did the same thing to both Garnet and herself, dragging them inside whenever they were reluctant to dance. This time, it was their shorter friend’s turn.

Peridot’s shot both Pearl and Garnet a look of horror. “Guys?”

That pure expression made Pearl laugh out loud, “Have fun Peridot,” she waved and Garnet chuckled to herself.

As she was dragged in the shorter girl kept protesting, which Amy replied, “Come on, do it for the experience. Do it for the ladies!”

The three girls disappeared in the crowd, their starkly familiar voices engulfed by the surrounding noise of the inside bass and obnoxious people.

“Do you think she’ll be alright?” Pearl turned to Garnet.

With a grin on her lips, the darker woman replied, “Oh she will be fine. Peridot’s fully capable of taking care of herself.”

“You’d think so, but sometimes I wonder.”

“If she doesn’t want to, she will simply leave and come back outside. And on that note,” Garnet took a sip, “she’s more independent than how people initially perceive her to be. No matter how much Amethyst wanted her to tag along, Peridot would not have agreed to come if she was not open to it.”

“Are you sure you didn’t major in Psychology?”

Garnet shook her head, “I am but a humble architecture graduate.”

“You don’t also have a minor in mind reading?”

“No, that’s only a side hobby,” she said jokingly. Very few people could tell the difference if Garnet was being completely serious or sarcastic. It took Pearl herself a few months to figure out the difference.

“Well if you have any more visions, let me in on them okay?”

“You will be the first to know.”

“But going back to your observation you have a point, we should look out for her,” Garnet continued, while directing her focus towards the spot Peridot previously sat. Four tall empty glasses lay on the table, all completely consumed. “The bartender was making them strong tonight. Knowing Amethyst and Jasper, she’s likely had two more by now.”

“Come to think of it, I’ve never seen her drink before tonight.”

“I have, and she’s a lightweight.”

“Why do I get the feeling we’re going to see a side of Peridot we don’t normally see?”

Much later that night, they found Peridot practically passed out on a bench outside the club. Once Garnet realized she missed a text from their friend an hour ago, they managed to decipher it and figure where she was. Slouching forward, the short blonde grasped an empty water bottle in her hand while doing her best to sit up straight, though failing miserably. Despite looking so shit faced, Pearl was amazed at how Peridot appeared still so put together at the same time. If it was herself, her hair would be completely messed up by now.

“There you are!” Pearl called out, and reached towards Peridot. “We were trying to find you inside for a but you were nowhere to be seen! We were worried something might’ve happened or-”

“I’m still alive, barely.”

“That you are,” Pearl put her pale arm around Peridot’s small waist, and lifted her up.

“Wha’ are you doing?”

“Rounding you up. Garnet’s coming around with her car so we can stuff Amy and Jasper in the back. Those two didn’t want to take a cab early and insisted on riding back with us, though I doubt they’ll remember any of that tomorrow. Especially all the havoc they wreaked in there.”

“I can walk myself,” Peridot took Pearl’s hands off her waist and attempted walking forward. But her walk was more of a poor wobble, and would have fallen flat on her face if her friend failed to catch her.

“Oh no you don’t, not when you can barely even stand.”

Peridot lifted her head, revealing her olive eyes against the neon lights. They were tired and ready for a good night’s rest. Pearl would have rested in them as well, if Peridot had not looked away towards the boulevard.

“Come on, up you go. I’m not going to let you fall over.”

Grumbling in response, Pearl knew her housemate, deep down, was grateful for the assistance. This was the part of the night Pearl did not care for, where she had to round up and take care of her sick companions. Well, she did not have to, but she preferred having some peace of mind knowing they were safe. Whenever she, as well as Garnet, did not, something ill usually happened. Murphy’s Law.

But this was her first time taking care of Peridot. The shorter girl was not obnoxiously drunk or loud. Rather, she was more on the quiet end, which was somewhat against her personality. Though it was not what Pearl was initially expecting, it was indeed a side the pink haired girl rarely saw.

Peridot appeared dazed, in a dream-like state, having to do with something more than the obvious. Of course, her own evaluation could be completely off as well, even though she prided herself with being detail oriented and a keen observer.

Unlike her normal self, Peridot was not very talkative. Pearl did not mind at all. She kept making small chat until Garnet pulled up in her sedan. She allowed Peridot to take the front seat, while she made sure the other two were not about to vomit in the back. Amethyst came first.

“Garnet pull over now!”

Not speaking a word, Garnet swiftly turned into a parking lot next to the hedges blocking the main road.

Practically pushing the shorter girl out of the car, Pearl pulled back Amethyst’s platinum hair in a bun while the girl hunched over and spewed into the bushes.

“Feels pretty awful huh?”

“Oh, come on P, it was worth it,” Amethyst managed to say in between. Hurl. “Well, mostly. You know that guy back at the club deserved to get his ass kicked, the way he was talking.” Hurl again.

“Granted, he was pretty rude. But there is the option of walking away.”

“And letting him think that he can still talk to other girls like that? No way Jose, not on my watch.”

Of course. Amethyst was a fighter, she never ran away. At least ninety nine percent of the time.

“Well if you did attempt to punch him, hopefully you got him good,” Pearl sighed.

“Right in the nose,” the other girl smirked as she wiped her mouth with a napkin.

To her left Jasper suddenly appeared, and without saying a word threw up once. Wiping her mouth, she said in relief, “that feels much better.”

Pearl shook her head, “Oh you two…”

For the next hour this scenario kept playing out, until arrived home. By that time Pearl also had to help Peridot over the toilet, to make sure she wouldn’t fall.

“Ugh,” Peridot said in disgust, as she gripped the sides of the bowl firmly. “This is horrible, this… is torture.” She felt warm to the touch, and Pearl rubbed her back with one hand. Unlike Amethyst and Jasper who knew better, she felt sorry for Peridot, and felt a strong longing to make her feel better.

“Stay right here, I’ll be back in a second,” Pearl stood up from the bathroom floor, and hurried into the kitchen. Turning on the main overhead light, she poured some filtered water into the kettle, and turned on the stove. She picked out some of her favorite chamomile tea from the cupboard, and let it brew in the water for a few minutes.

For once in the house it was quiet. Jasper was passed out on the living room couch, and her two other roommates asleep in their beds. It was just her and Peridot.

It was only a couple days since Peridot had come out to them, and since then Pearl had felt a new sort of kinship with her. The both of them had kept secrets; Peridot with her sexuality, and Pearl with Rose Quartz, which was still technically a secret. But again, no one was ever going to find out. Pearl cared about her housemate too much to let it endanger their friendship.

Though deep in her heart she wished it could have worked out with Rose, just meeting her was a mistake. And disappearing from her house that last night was the most terrifying and heartbreaking thing she had ever done. She thought about it way too much throughout the day, and was often the last thing she replayed before falling asleep at night. And it had happened months ago. Why did it still affect her like this so much?

But in a strange way, she felt even closer to her Peridot. Who knew how many years the blonde had to keep her sexuality in like that?

Pearl found Peridot still in the bathroom hunched over on the floor, no longer throwing up. She wrapped both arms around her stomach like she was in pain.

“I made you some chamomile tea, it’s important to stay hydrated, and it will help you sleep.”

Peridot moved up slowly to a sitting position, and Pearl got down on the floor with her once again. Pearl presented the mug to her with both hands.

“Thanks,” she took the cup from her hands and gently sipped, “It tastes good.”

“Just remember to drink it all if you don’t want a headache tomorrow,” Pearl smiled, embracing Peridot, while catching a whiff of the sweet smell of her hair. “I also set a glass of water on your nightstand, so you should drink that too. Do you need help getting into bed?”

Peridot laughed exhaustively, “I think I’m capable of doing that now, though half an hour ago I wasn’t.”

“If you say so,” the pink haired girl joked just before helping the other girl up, and leaving to go to bed.

“Pearl?”

“Yes?” She turned around once more.

It took her by surprise when Peridot went in for a surprise hug. “Thank you again.”

What surprised her even more was the feeling in her stomach. “Of course, any time.”


	3. Lapis Lazuli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not post regularly this week, so I uploaded a few chapters to compensate. :) Happy Friday!

“Hey Pearl, this is Lapis, the girl I’ve told you all about.”

So, this was _the_ Lapis, the bartender girl from their night out, whom Peridot started seeing on a regular basis.

Pearl checked out the girl standing in front of her, whom her housemate was so fond of. She had a slim physique, tanned olive skin, and eye-catching blue hair in a style which certainly flattered her face. The girl was fashionable, her style in-between bohemian and chic. Lapis wore a smile on her face, but Pearl was not sure how to interpret it. She was a difficult read for sure, but that was no reason for Pearl to be wary of her.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Lapis,” Pearl said formally, setting her book down for a moment. She adjusted her sitting position on their outdoor patio couch.

“I second that,” a familiar voice, Garnet, added as she pulled herself out of the pool. “I’m Garnet, another housemate,” she offered a hand politely.

“Same to you,” Lapis returned the handshake with a smile, stealing a glance at Peridot afterwards.

This girl was definitely deeply into _her_ roommate.

“The pool’s all yours, if you plan on using it. As for me, I will be living by my fan for the rest of the day.”

“I’ll be right behind you in a few minutes,” Amethyst called out, still in the pool neck deep.

Today was unbearably hot, as it usually was in Beach City during summer and late fall. She herself had just gotten out of the pool, and now was drying outside still in her bathing suit. Though she wanted to go back inside closer to the air conditioning, she also wanted to observe Peridot and Lapis when they came back out to swim. So she continued pretending to read her science fiction novel, as she planned to watch the duo from the pool.

“Hey Pearl,” Amethyst interrupted her thoughts, as her wet body plopped practically on top of her on the couch. “You have to see this great video I discovered on TubeTube.”

“Is this another one of your food prank videos?”

“It’s not I swear. See, there’s this lady who’s obsessed with her pet anteater. I promise you’ll love it.”

Pearl pretended to take interest in the video and the several ones which came after, but her ears were entirely directed on what Peridot and Lapis were up to. It made it easier to do so when Amethyst had fallen asleep, cuddled up next to her. It was moments like this where Pearl could really see the similar features of her roommate and Rose Quartz.

Rose. Pearl missed her despite the fact she hid the truth from her. There was no way that relationship could have panned out, but it still hurt despite reality. She was doing her best these days not to think of the older woman, but it never quite felt easier. At least she was trying to move on and going with the motions, which is what mattered the most. Even if she never did move on. She had loved Rose after all.

A loud splash woke her up from her hypnotic, dreamlike state.

Spying from the corner of her eye, she watched as Lapis flirtatiously interacted with the blonde, who fully reciprocated. Lapis had Peridot embraced in her arms and whispered something in her ear, making the shorter girl blush.

In her gut, she had the feeling like she should not be there watching. But almost instantly when Peridot came out almost immediately found someone. This fascinated Pearl and at the same time made her angry. It happened so quickly. Pearl felt guilty for not being happier for Peridot, or warmer towards Lapis. Peridot, though jumpy and extremely logical at times, was a sweet girl who deserved someone caring and kind. So why did she even care about who she dated anyway?

Pretending to lay on the couch asleep, she waited until Peridot and Lapis finally went inside, into Peridot’s room most likely. Carefully removing Amethyst’s arm over her, Pearl crept back into the house and her own room to change.

Garnet was in their room, playing some sort of game one her phone while lying on her top part of the bunk bed. Completely absorbed, she snapped out of it when Pearl entered.

“Hey,” she greeted.

“Hey yourself.”

“Lapis seems like a nice girl.”

Pearl nodded automatically in response, “Oh yes, she sure does. They seem very happy together.”

“So how do you feel?”

Pearl stopped buttoning her white shorts. She did not expect Garnet to ask that. “What do you mean? I feel great, A little muggier to my liking, but doing just fine.”

Garnet was not convinced. “I know you’ve been spending more time with her, ever since she came out. I just want to hear your thoughts, if you’re okay with the fact she’s dating someone else.”

“O-Of course I am,” she pulled over a t-shirt, but decidedly pulled it off again. Even with the blasting air conditioning in the room, she wanted to enjoy the freedom of no shirt. “I don’t have feelings for her, if that’s what you’re saying.”

“I never claimed you did.”

Pearl just put her foot in her mouth, and in response began to stammer. “But that’s what you were thinking.”

“Wondering,” Garnet corrected, “yes. Do you?”

“N-no, not whatsoever. In fact, there’s someone else I like. I think about them all the time, I really like them.”

It was a little white lie, but Pearl was willing to say anything to change the subject.

“How come you’ve never told me before?”

“She… was in one of my classes last semester! Yes, that’s how we met. Of course, we met towards the end of the semester, and she lives on the opposite side of Beach City. We don’t meet up often. On top of that, I haven’t told her how I feel yet. I have a hunch she might be straight, but you never know unless you ask these things, right?” Pearl gave a nervous laugh. Maybe she actually convinced Garnet.

“So, what’s her name?”

Her name? Pearl had not thought of that, since she was coming up with this spur of the moment. She picked the name of a random girl in one of her classes. “Jade, her name’s Jade. What, is this an interview?” Pearl added, joking nervously.

“Sorry, I was genuinely curious. But you should bring Jade over sometime, even to hang out. We would all be happy to meet her.”

“I certainly will, when the time is right, and works for both of us.” Did she manage to convince the older girl?

“Back to our original topic though, I just wanted to make sure you were okay with Peridot and Lapis. I noticed you seemed a bit agitated, though it wasn’t obvious at all.”

Pearl dry swallowed. She did not expect this conversation, but knew that Garnet asked her because she was concerned. Still, she wanted this subject to end. “Thank you for asking and caring. But I am fine,” she showed off a smile.

“Anytime, whenever you want to talk I’m here.”

“That’s why we’re roommates, right?”

“Exactly. And other reasons as well. All positive ones.”

Pearl sank on top of her bed, soaking in the soft, cool surface of her sheets and pillows. It felt so soothing on her smooth skin.

“So, Garnet,” Pearl began to ask, “Are you interested in anyone?”

There was a pause before the taller girl spoke above her. “Not at the moment. It’s very rare that I take interest in anyone romantically.”

“Why is that?”

“I’m not too sure, but I do know I’m content with my life and being single. I’ve never held a strong urge to date or invest in a relationship.”

“That must be nice, to feel that confident.”

“I wouldn’t call it confidence, and I wouldn’t say it feels nice all the time. But all I know is that’s how things are right now, and I can’t see into the future of what things might be. Maybe in an alternate universe.”

“I must admit, I’m inspired by your attitude. Honestly, I can’t say I’m your level of content.”

“You don’t have to be, and that’s okay. Everybody’s different. And it hasn’t always been easy for me. I wasn’t always fine with it, but time changes people in ways they wouldn’t expect. I never expected to graduate in architecture and end up living here at the Temple with you, Amethyst, and Peridot. But here we are, and I wouldn’t change it whatsoever.”

“Neither would I. But Amethyst might for a pizza or two,” Pearl said sarcastically.

“It’s a good thing we order often.”

Amethyst burst through the door, alarming Garnet and causing Pearl to yelp and cover herself. “Did someone say Pizza?”

_There she goes again._


	4. Sheena

The first week of classes was not so bad. It was the usual, required spiel about classroom policies, grading, and how not to cheat or plagiarize.

 _You’d think that after twelve plus years of being in school, they’d realize we already know how it goes,_ Pearl thought to herself.

In the giant lecture classes which filled up the entire auditorium, the pink haired girl usually preferred to sit closer to the front. It was easier to hear past the students talking in the back, and made classes much more engaging.

There were all the familiar to semi-familiar faces, sitting down in their unofficially assigned chairs, and pulling out their laptops. When taking notes, Pearl was a bit older fashioned and preferred to write everything out on paper, instead of typing on a keyboard. _Easier to retain information and all that._

The professor did not bother taking attendance for obvious reasons, and began to set up his computer for the next hour and a half lecture. Pearl waited patiently for it to start, organizing the notebook and pens at her seat. To her left sat a guy named Chad, who was absorbed texting and paid no one any attention. To her right, the seat was empty.

The first slide popped up, indicating for everyone to wrap up whatever conversation they were having.

“Let’s get started,” the older professor began, pushing up his glasses.

In the corner of her eye, there was a movement to the right of her. An eerily familiar face of a pink haired woman had just claimed the seat next to her.

_Rose? What’s Rose doing here?_

But it was not Rose, and after further identifying her face, Pearl had never seen the woman in her life. She did carry a strong resemblance in stature, and facial structure. Why even her hair was pink. Pearl felt her already pale face blush, and she looked down, trying to avoid eye contact.

_Thank goodness it’s not her. Of course, it wouldn’t be. But it is just my fortune that I would end up sitting next to someone who looks just like Rose._

The woman next to Pearl noticed she turned away, and snuck her a smile. Even their smiles were similar. Could she be somehow related?

Pearl made clumsy eye contact, and snuck back a “hi” before returning her focus on the screen. But even though the professor’s words were clear and the auditorium was unusually silent, she could not focus. The sound of her heart beat was too loud for her to hear anything, and prayed nobody else could hear.

Fortunately, it seemed she was the only one.

It was only the start of the semester, and the class was dragging on. Everything seemed to slow down, from her notes, to the old professor’s lulling voice, to the minute hand of the clock on the far wall. She could not decide after class if she wanted to stick around and talk to the woman, or make a dash for it to her next class. Nerves caught the best of her, and she chose the latter. She should not want to talk to her solely because she looked like Rose. It would be for the best if she tried to avoid anything remotely related to, or that reminded her of her past lover.

She began to count the seconds in her head.

_4…_

“And that concludes today’s lecture, I see many of you dying to get out of here,” the professor looked around the classroom, eyeing no one in particular. For all she knew, the comment was directed entirely to her.

_3…_

_2…_

“But before you do allow me to give you a parting gift,” he chuckled to himself the same way one would laugh at their own jokes. “I will be assigning your first, semester-long assignment. This will make up one third of your tallied grade.”

_1…_

“This will be a team assignment, so look to the person to the right or left of you. You will be spending lots of time together.”

Pearl’s face flushed and to her dismay, the guy on her right had already found a partner. She was a pretty, round-faced girl whom he was likely eyeing for the entire duration of the class period. Kind of like her own relationship with the clock. Turning to her left, Pearl hoped the punk girl had already found a teammate. But instead, they immediately locked eye contact, and the girl presented out her hand.

“Partners?” The girl said with a confident grin.

_Damn it._

Pearl returned the handshake.

So she found out, the girl’s name was Sheena, nothing like the name Rose. Not that she expected it to or anything. They agreed to meet once a week to work on the assignment, twice a week if needed. But neither of them were too worried, except for Pearl and her struggle with constantly seeing Rose in the woman. Knowing very well she should not equate Sheena to someone she’s not, was rather difficult. And it did not help knowing they were going to spend considerable amounts of time together.

Yet after the first two weeks of sitting next to each other and meeting up, Pearl found that appearance was the only thing the two women shared. Sheena was not like Rose at all in personality.

She loved to joke around and tease, and had more of a laid-back aura about her. Her confidence was of a different kind than Rose’s, which showed more through action than words. And she definitely came off as more of a risk taker type. All these qualities were abstractly similar, yet very different all the same.

Even in the way she walked and held her head high was different. Instead of moving peacefully and gracefully, she strode with vigor and energy which commanded just as much attention. Especially her own.

Ashamed to admit it, Pearl felt a growing attraction to Sheena. The subtle things like when Sheena would lock her bright green eyes with hers, brushed her thick hair to the side, lean towards her as they sat side by side, or prolong hugs by a hair of a second made her heart skip a beat. She was by no means in love, but rather fascinated. Deciding it would be wise not to put too much stock into her feelings, she played along, reciprocating Sheena’s grins and acknowledging her touch.

By the first month into the semester, a realization hit Pearl that she no longer felt anxious or nervous going to class, where she would sit next to Sheena each day. Replacing those initial first feelings with a longing to be closer to her, Pearl began to look forward twice each week to seeing the girl, already in class and waiting for her.

This day however, was different.

“Ah!” A sharp cry echoed from Pearl’s voice as she fell to the ground. Not a second later, Sheena was standing over her, her face full of panic.

“Pearl, what happened?” Her green eyes large with fear.

“I fell down the stairs,” she answered in pain. “It’s okay I can get up.” Sheena backed up to give the girl some room. But as Pearl tried to support herself up, her right ankle gave way and she stumbled flat on her back. “I guess I can’t,” she winced. It had only been a short fall, no more than six steps. Luckily no one other than Sheena saw her rare clumsiness. Nothing like this had ever happened to her before, and she was utterly embarrassed.

“We need to get you to the health center first, since it’s just a building down. There they can evaluate your leg, and see if you may have a concussion as well.”

“Alright,” Pearl grit her teeth, preparing for more pain to come. “Can you help me over there? I don’t think it can support my body weight.”

“I can do more than be your crutch,” Sheena scooped her up with both arms, and suddenly Pearl realized the taller girl was bridal carrying her. She blushed furiously and turned her head away so her friend would not notice.

“Lucky for me, you’re so light,” she added, suspecting the other girl was flustered. “Even if you weren’t, I still would’ve carried you.”

“This is so humiliating. I’ve never fallen like this in my life.”

“Well there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there? I’d bet that I’ve taken many more tumbles than you. On top of that, in front of crowds. So, if you’re worried about me judging you for something as superficial as that, don’t be. I wouldn’t be a good friend if I did.” Sheena’s grin was bright, in hopes of diffusing some of Pearl’s attention on the pain.

 _Friend._ It was the first time either of them had used the word in context of them both. It was funny, how one use of that word shattered the wall of just classmate in Pearl’s mind, even if she reciprocated the concept. Sheena did not just view her as some random acquaintance she only saw during class. She viewed her as a friend, as someone she trusted and wanted to help.

“Thank you for not viewing me as a clumsy oaf,” Pearl said sarcastically. Or not.

“You are the last thing from clumsy. In fact, you have some of the best posture and pose I’ve ever seen. Like I said, everyone trips up from time to time. Don’t be so hard on yourself, okay?”

She had definitely heard that phrase more than once in her life, from old friends and family members. Even Garnet one time. Maybe she should heed their advice and follow it. But it was just so hard to do.

Sheena carried Pearl all the way to the health center, even if it was not too far away. Even in just that time Pearl could evaluate the firmness of Sheena's arms supporting her from underneath. This girl had a ton of strength. Sheena was not kidding when she mentioned about lifting weights on a regular basis. Pearl suddenly felt insecure over her own weak frame. It wouldn't hurt for her to do more than just a cardio workout.

As Sheena pushed the door forward with her back, she did not put Pearl down for even a second. The receptionist stared, alarmed at the duo. Clearly this was the most eventful thing that happened to her all day.

"She fell down the stairs near the science building," Sheena explained. “Is there a doctor here to check her leg? Or should we see urgent care?"

"There's one working the night tonight, I will let him know you're here for an emergency."

"Really, it's not that-wah!" Again, Pearl tried to stand after Sheena sat her down on a chair. But her attempt failed once more.

"Really if you're going to try that again, I may just have to sit on you to keep you from moving."

That suggestion did not sound half bad to Pearl, to have Sheena sit on her lap. But considering the situation, maybe not that day.

The wait felt like forever in the lobby even though only fifteen minutes had passed. Finally when the doctor came to get her, he brought a crutch with him. After he had checked over her leg, he concluded that her ankle was lightly sprained, and ordered her not to walk on it if she didn't want to worsen the injury. A concussion was definitely possible, based on the way Pearl hit her head on the pavement, and strongly recommend to go get it checked out. "It's best to not do anything strenuous for a while."

There went her motivation to start a consistent lifting and cardio regimen.

A while turned into a recommendation of two months at least. She could do easy exercises like swimming and cycling to help the healing process. The whole thing was annoying nonetheless. That first week was the worst by far. She could barely move anywhere without crutches or assistance. But Sheena was always there to help her in and out of class. It gave Sheena an excuse to sit in the very back, and another “obstruction” to Pearl’s concentration on the lectures.

After a long afternoon of waiting through classes that first week and getting past the uncomfortableness of sitting for so long, both she and Sheena met up in the evening to work on their project. It turned out the “project” was more of a thirty plus page, collaborative research paper. It would be easy enough for herself to write, but it was finding the right sources that proved to be the most grueling challenge. If they searched simultaneously, the process would go quicker.

Sheena’s apartment was simple enough, not heavily decorated and neither messy nor clean. Her bedroom was similar in taste, with lots of white, gray, and black. The navy pillowcases were some of the most colorful things in her room.

Briefly, Pearl met Sheena’s roommate, a guy named Buck who was engulfed in the game on the giant screen TV. Raising a hand to send a greeting, he paused the game for a few minutes to introduce himself. Buck, so his name was, had a very calming voice. It was strangely similar to Garnet’s tone, and his calm, laid back demeanor even more so.

“He’s one of my best friends. We’ve known each other ever since our first year at Beach City University as lonely freshmen. Sometimes I have to keep him out of trouble, but mostly it’s the other way around,” Sheena smirked, before continuing.

“He’s normally very friendly. But ever since that game came out a week ago, he’s been glued to it like a fly to a light. Of course, I can’t say I haven’t been in the same boat.”

“I’m afraid I can’t relate, as I’m horrible at video games, at least the ones I’ve played.”

“You don’t seem like the type to play video games. That’s a good thing, they can waste so much time,” she sighed as if reflecting upon her own habits. “How do you like to waste time?”

“What?”

“You know, relax, hobbies you might have, what are you interested in? You seem like the kind of girl who might have several.”

“To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I’ve had free time to do anything besides sleep,” Pearl responded, alarmed at herself at her own answer. By how it was worded, she made herself sound like a lazy bum. “I mean, I do have hobbies. It’s just hard to find enough time to enjoy them.”

“Do you care to share what they are?” Sheena smiled, urging her on.

“Well, they’re um, pretty basic.”

“I somehow doubt that,” pulling over an extra chair for Pearl, they sat down at Sheena’s large desk.

“If you consider cleaning and cooking interesting, I would be surprised. There’s also knitting, stargazing and charting, and fencing, but all of those are a bit obscure.”

“I don’t think your interests are basic at all. They’re unique and what make you, you.”

“But the things you’re interested in are so much more. You have a good taste for rock and alternative music, have great artistic ability, and can even ride a motorcycle.” Pearl’s memory flashed to a picture of her on the back of Sheena’s bike, a joyride they both took after a day of classes. Or all the times Sheena had doodled creepy and cute illustrations for her on spare pieces of paper, drawn in such a casual way yet all appeared to have a distinct style. “You’re so cool and fun, and I feel so boring and… domestic.” It was the first time Pearl had ever called herself, or even thought of herself as, that word. But after it appeared in her head, it seemed completely appropriate.

“Oh Pearl.” Hearing Sheena say her name like that reminded her of Rose, and sent a chill up her spine. “Don’t ever think that. Boring is definitely not something you are. I really think you’re fun, insightful, and even goofy at times. All those qualities make you interesting in my book. So you have to stop all this business on comparing yourself to me. I like you and enjoy your company whether we’re into the same things or not. If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be here now, would we?”

“I thought we were here to work on our project,” Pearl chuckled, half joking.

“Oh? Are we not?” Pearl could have sworn she saw a smirk on Sheena’s face.

“Well, I… You know what I mean!” Pearl huffed. She hated it how she often put her foot in her mouth, when she should have said something different.

Both girls went silent, until the taller girl finally broke it. “Actually, I don’t know what you mean. Care to explain?”

 _Crap._ “Um, what I meant is that so far we’ve been a bit distracted.” It was not really what she meant to say, but it sounded better than what she said previously.

“That is true, we have been. But I kind of like this distraction, don’t you?” She turned her body towards her just enough for Pearl to catch the movement.

“Truthfully, it is rather nice,” Pearl looked away, only to have Sheena’s hand twist her face back to look her in the eyes.

“You know, you are so cute when you get flustered like that. You seem to do it a lot around me.” Her breath smelled of mint and menthol, and caught a whiff of her hair that smelled like roses. _Rose…_

“Do I?” Pearl’s forehead seemed to get hot from nervousness. “Naturally I have very pale skin so it’s easier for me to… to…” She broke off, words frozen in place, as Sheena’s lips parted and grew closer to her own.

Automatically, her mind defaulted to thoughts of Rose. This was not right. She was tempted to break free and move away, but that would just create awkwardness between them both, especially since they were both project partners. It would not be right to accept Sheena’s gesture towards her, with thoughts of her ex in mind. But another part of her did not want to, and just give in to a familiar experience.

So that was exactly what she did, giving up her thoughts otherwise.

 _I can’t believe I’m letting Sheena kiss me right now._ Not exactly as if she did not want her to. Firm lips against her own kissed with confidence and want. The short haired girl had an underlying sense that Sheena wanted more, but was holding back.

Pearl even accepted Sheena when her tongue moved past her tips and entered her mouth, grazing her own ever so slightly. Allowing herself to relax, she softly sighed in the other girl’s mouth as she felt a hand wrap around her side and support her from the back.

The way Sheena touched her even reminded Pearl of Rose.

_No, I can’t be doing this. It’s not right of me._

But the sensation laced with memories just felt too seductive, making her choice to pull away more difficult than if it wasn’t.

Alarmed at the back off, Sheena asked, “What’s up?”

Pearl was too ashamed to tell Sheena the truth. She hardly knew the other girl first of all, compared to her closest friends whom she had not even shared with. Sheena’s green eyes only told genuine concern, that maybe, there was a chance she would listen and understand. There was also the possibility that she may hurt the girl sitting so close to her in the process. But if she decided to not share and keep it private, it might hurt Sheena even more.

“It’s kind of a story,” Pearl muttered.

“We have all the time in the world. Except for later tonight. I’m going to a bar with some friends.”

“Well, where to start… it’s difficult for me to explain.” Pearl trailed off staring with how she came to meet Rose Quartz, her feelings for her, and figuring out she was her roommate’s mom and was already married. It all sounded so horrible coming from her lips, but Sheena did not flinch or move uncomfortably once.

“…And I ran out of the house and drove away as fast as I could. I deleted her number and blocked it on my phone. We haven’t talked since.”

Finally, Sheena spoke not with judgement, but with a question. “You’ve been keeping this bottled up all this time?”

“I suppose I have, when you put it that way.”

Then Sheena did something surprising, something incredibly intimate. She took Pearl’s trembling hand into her both of her own and held it protectively. Pearl did not expect her to do something like this and it made her whole head freeze over with shock.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you Pearl. Really, I am. That really sucks.”

“Please, you don’t need to apologize for anything. If anyone should apologize, it should be me, for how I reacted a minute ago. It has nothing to do with you, truly.”

 “We have a lot more in common than you might think,” Sheena looked away for a second, at nothing in particular.

“What do you mean?”

Sighing, Sheena replied, “It means we both have someone previously in our lives we haven’t been able to entirely forget.

“I still miss her sometimes. She was one of the closest friend’s I think I’ve ever had. But she had a boyfriend, and when she found out, completely dropped our friendship. Truthfully it was probably for the best it didn’t work out. What you told me kind of reminded me of my previous situation. When I kissed you, I can’t tell what was going through my head. But I do care about you Pearl.” Sheena got closer until her lips were right against her ear. “Let’s forget all our problems and people in our lives and just enjoy our time together. What do you say?” It left a shudder down Pearl’s spine.

“No problems, new Pearl.” Following those words, Pearl’s peach lips went for Sheena’s mouth aggressively, as Sheena picked her up and moved towards the bed.


	5. Girl's Night Out

As Pearl sat down, their legs were pressed up against each other’s. The warmth of her familiar body made her suddenly tingly, which made Pearl automatically flush. Turning her head away Pearl wanted to conceal the heat reaching her cheeks. She felt like she could faint, but that would be completely embarrassing.

Driving down the freeway, Pearl and the rest of her housemates were all piled up in Garnet’s car. They managed to squish four people in the back seat, which made it impossible to move around or even buckle up, much to Pearl’s discomfort. Traffic was unusually heavy for tonight, a Saturday night, and the maps app on her phone said a large collision took place a few miles up. This meant that she would have to be squished against the door and Peridot for another hour or so.

Eyes solely focused on her phone, Pearl made all attempts to distract herself by texting Sheena, and pretending even when she was not. Anything to divert her attention and wandering thoughts from Peridot’s body heat.

She felt disgusted with herself, how her body reacted so disagreeably.

Before Sheena, she had never experienced sex before. Pearl truly believed Rose would be her first. Their relationship did not exactly pan out the way she expected though. It was painfully ironic that her first time would be with a girl who looked almost identical. It was not like she was searching for a doppelganger as a replacement. Rather it was out of coincidence, that Sheena was very forward and was the one to chase after Pearl.

That very night, she agreed to meet up with Sheena, though she almost regretted it to the smallest extent. Why _now_ was she having these urges for Peridot?

_Of all people…_

When texting Sheena proved not to be an adequate distraction, Pearl forced herself to think about their first time hooking up. She could still imagine Sheena’s arms picking her up and dropping her on the bed, where they took each other on the sheets. At first, she felt a bit awkward about it. It was unlike her nature to move this fast with anyone. Even before Rose, she pace was to take things slow.

Pearl had no intention of following though, with wanting Peridot. The blonde was positively off-limits, for more than one reason.

Amethyst’s voice cut through the music in the car and Pearl’s thoughts. “Oh a spot!” The platinum blonde girl said immediately afterwards, and swerved to the side of the curb. There were other cars parked alongside, in front and behind Amethyst’s vehicle, once she finished Parallel parking. It was a couple streets down from the main strip, in a somewhat run-down neighborhood.

“Are you sure it’s alright to park here?” Pearl piped up as the gang exited the sedan. “I see no signs saying we can.”

“Well I don’t see any signs saying we _can’t_ ,” Amethyst countered back. “Look, this whole line of parked cars don’t have residential permits. People do it all the time P, we should be cool.”

Looking to each side of the street, searching for any evidence that it was legal, there were no signs to be found. “Fine,” Pearl sighed. “But it’s not our problem if you get a ticket.”

“Aw don’t be so paranoid P, it’s totally fine on this street. I’ve parked here many times before, and they never check here,” the shorter girl brushed it off. “Hey Jasper! Are you coming or not?”

The buff girl, still sitting in the shotgun seat of the car huffed back, “Wait a sec, Can’t you let a girl pre-game in peace? Prices at the clubs down here have gone out the roof.”

“Didn’t you “pre-game” before we left the house?” The pink haired girl questioned.

“Yeah, but that was _pre_ pre-game. This is the real pre-game.”

Pearl silently groaned.

“Yeah Jasper, that’s the spirit, get it while you still can!” Amethyst went over to join her relative to partake in the act.

Peal wanted to mention to her smaller housemate to not encourage her cousin even more, but Jasper had a point. Drinks were excruciatingly expensive down here, and was easy for people like Amethyst or Jasper to become broke in one night.

Off to the side Peridot interrupted their banter, holding Lapis’ hand. “Hey guys, Lapis and I are meeting Lars at The Stage. He just arrived there a few minutes ago.”

Pearl waved, “sounds good, we’ll meet up later.”

“Great, see ya’!” With that, the duo left the company, never letting go of each other’s hands.

As they were some distance away, Amethyst finally noticed they were missing two friends. “Did they just ditch us?”

“No, they were planning to meet a friend of theirs’s, remember? And besides, we are still meeting up with Garnet.”

“What, aren’t _we_ good enough for them?”

Pearl did not have enough time to answer. “So where are we meeting Garnet, again?”

“She’s meeting us, if not already there waiting, at Streetlight.” They had gone to the club a couple times before, and Amethyst and Jasper really seemed to enjoy that place. Pearl really did not understand why. Compared to other bars, there was nothing particularly special about the venue.

“Alright we’re coming, we’re not in a rush.” The cousins gave each other a high five after, to Pearl’s dismay, downing the whole bottle of Beach Rum.

“You two are going to have an interesting night.” Pearl would have an even more interesting one watching them.

“You bet we are,” Jasper answered. “I also brought along those tampon flasks they sell online, and filled them with vodka.”

_Do those two ever realize their limits?_

Once they met up with Garnet at Streetlight, Pearl would go find Sheena, who she planned to meet up with as well. She told Garnet ahead of time of her plan, and that they would not separate from the group. Maybe after a bit, they would go off by themselves, but not for too long.

“Sorry to make you babysit during that time.” It was a sort of inside joke between them, that whenever they failed to keep an eye out for the cousins, they would get into some sort of trouble.

“You know, they are perfectly capable of handling themselves as adults,” Garnet smirked.

“I know, I know, it’s just my natural tendency to look out for those two.” They were already inside the bar portion of Streetlight, where Jasper appeared to be opening a tab. Feeling her cell phone vibrate in her studded denim jacket, Pearl whipped out the device. She already knew it was a text and who had texted her.

 _“Hey, just got here, I’m upstairs. Let’s meet there when you get here.”_ It ended with a smile emoji.

Pearl replied, _“We just arrived here, I’ll be there in a minute,”_ ending the text in a similar fashion.

She turned to Garnet once more. “What time do you want to meet up?”

“Whenever you feel like it,” Garnet said casually. “I’ll keep my phone handy, in case you decide to go someplace else.”

“I won’t be gone for too long,” Pearl did not know if she could manage that promise, but she was always good with punctuality. However not having a set date made it more difficult to pin-point what time “whenever she felt like it” was.

As Garnet went to join the cousins, Pearl made her way up the wide-set staircase, to the upstairs hip-hop room. It was significantly darker in there, lights dimmed back significantly, and so loud that she could not hear any of the music from the first floor. At the end of the room was a DJ with too many chains, who taking a request from a couple girls. Columns ran parallel, a foot away from both sides of the wall. It was just as smoky here as it was in the lower level, which gave her a feeling of claustrophobia.

Over near the corner, Sheena sat on a modern looking couch, talking to a small group of people. By the look of it, it seemed she just met them, since she faced them across from where she sat. Pearl felt like she was invading conversation, but knew Sheena was waiting for her.

“There you are,” Sheena made contact with Pearl, her white, straight teeth glowing in a grin. She extended an arm out to her, indicating for Pearl to come sit next to her. Her arm pulled the thin body closer, wrapping her into a half embrace.

“I just met these people,” Sheena continued. “This is Dewey, Kevin, and Finn,” she introduced the strangers from left to right. “And this is Pearl.”

All three of them appeared to be glazed out of their minds. Or wasted. Or both. Either way, Pearl did not really care.

“Cool shirt,” the guy named Kevin pointed out. “It totally glows in this light.” Under her jacket, Pearl was wearing a black leather shirt, with a V-neck that tended to go down a little lower that what she usually wore. Nevertheless, she liked it, so she wore it out. Plus, Sheena was into that sort of style, and thought if they were going out like this, they could match. However, they were not matching tonight, and the stranger named Buck kept sneaking glances at her chest, as flat as she was.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” She responded blankly before looking the other way. Whenever she was around sketchy people, Pearl would usually sense it. Unfortunately, those senses were going off with this company. But she was not going to come off as rude to them.

“Here, I got you something to drink,” Sheena purred into her ear, and the arm around her waist constricted tighter, making the embrace ever more obvious. Did Sheena get the same sense too?

“So are you guys together or…?” Sheena continued with the lounging trio.

“Hell no,” Dewey said almost immediately, followed by uncomfortable and almost disturbed looks. “We ain’t here for the men.”

Sheena just laughed. “At a gay club? That’s like me going into a burger joint and asking for sushi. Shh, shh, don’t worry, I get it. There are probably people here that you know and don’t want to find out, yeah?”

“We are not gay. Or bi. Or any other sexuality other than straight,” Finn said more firmly than his friend Finn did.

“Then why are you at a gay club, if you aren’t even going to look at men?”

“We already told you,” Kevin responded. “To pick up girls. It’s easy to find straight women at gay clubs, and their more likely to give you a second look.”

 _“Unfortunately,”_ Sheena said under her breath to Pearl.

“We’re having a party later at our fraternity, you guys should come with us,” Kevin continued.

“You don’t say.”

Pearl could not tell if Sheena was being sarcastic with them, laughing at them, or just poking little jabs because she could. She could not always tell with the other woman. Thought aside, it was a good question.

“We are trying to invite more students to come. You can’t tell me that university students don’t come down to the strip on the weekends,” He smirked. His eyes were covered under blue-reflecting sunglasses that served no functional purpose other than looking ridiculous.

Pearl just sipped at her drink. She wanted these guys to go away, so it could be just her and Sheena. She did not want these men invading their entirety of time together. “If we are not busy later tonight with our own group, we will come,” Pearl piped up, eager to get rid of the subject.

Sheena seemed to get the hint and play along. “Yeah, we are meeting up with another group tonight, but we will come by if we get the chance.” Taking Pearl’s hand, Sheena guided Pearl away from the couches and over to the dance floor.

“Better we get rid of them now than waste our whole night with them,” She whispered in Pearl’s ear.

“Thank you for noticing,” Pearl was pulled in by the taller girl to dance. “Those three put off a bad vibe.”

“That, and I didn’t like the way they were looking at you. Those kinds of men only come here to prey on women, and don’t give a shit about anything or anybody.”

“So are you saying you’re jealous?” Pearl teased.

“As long as you aren’t interested in them, would you care if I admitted yes?”

“I would care if you had said no. Believe me, there is no way I am going to their “house party” or whatever they said it was.”

Sheena gave Pearl that half grin which always captivated her every time, since the first day of the class they shared. “That’s what I like to hear.” Wrapping her arms around Pearl’s waist, Sheena’s hands gripped her lower back possessively. Pearl could feel Sheena’s thigh press against her legs and lower body as they moved with the music. It was now a familiar touch. She was used to the new feeling since their first intimate time at Sheena’s apartment.   

What was Sheena now? A friend, lover, girlfriend, or none of those? Though they knew each other for months now, it seemed strange to initiate the topic, especially since they failed to talk about it earlier on. Pearl enjoyed Sheena, but she was ultimately a hard book to read. The cover and even first few chapters were easy enough, but when it came to the binding, that was something else. She had no clue how to interpret that.

A leg between her own and the incessant, sudden need to find a restroom got the best of her.

“Would you like me to grab you another drink in the mean time?”

“In that crowd?” a swarm of people waiting for their orders now completely blocked the view of the bar. “I might even be back before you have a chance to tell the bartender your drinks.”

“Challenge accepted. You underestimate my ability to navigate crowds.”

By the time she had made past the line, Pearl knew she had lost after twenty minutes had passed. _She’s probably waiting for me, wondering where I am and why I disappeared._ After Pearl washed her hands, she searched for Sheena amidst the venue. To her left, people were dancing, along with throwing bills at dancers strutting around elevated tables. Over to the right, the crowd at the bar remained impenetrable, and no familiar long pink hair in sight. But straight ahead, Pearl noticed two girls, sitting and laughing on a couch close to the lounge area outside. One of them was pretty, thin, and with blue ombre hair. She had never seen her before. The other girl was unmistakably Sheena.

Walking closer, she saw Sheena’s hand wrap around the girl’s waist, the same way she had done with her. Based on other body language and the way she faced the invader, there was no doubt Sheena was interested. It could not be mindless flirting since neither of them were drunk, and Sheena was not the type to flirt for the sake of flirting. Or was she?

Looking down, Pearl realized she had to make a choice. Go over to the both of them and interrupt what they had going on, or ditch Sheena and find the friends she had come here with.

It took less than a few seconds for her to turn around and descend the staircase to find her roommates.

She luckily found all three of them, Garnet, Amethyst, and Jasper, next to a wall near the coat check, and none of them appeared happy.

“No, you wouldn’t understand!” Jasper said bitterly, directed right at Amethyst.

_What am I barging into?_

“You’re short, cute, and likable. I, on the other hand, have the looks of a bull. Admit it.”

_Oh._

"Everyone in our family got the good-looking Quartz gene, and I got the leftovers. You have no idea what it’s like being the ugly duckling in the family.”

“Okay Jasper, let’s calm down,” Amethyst put a hand on each of Jasper’s arms and moved her voice into a soothing tone. It was clear that tonight, Jasper had done most of the drinking for them all.

“No, I will not calm down!”

“Let’s all talk about this later, over some food when you’re feeling a little better,” Garnet gently brought up.

“Fine. Then if you don’t want to talk about it now, I’m out of here. I need a smoke.”  Jasper sharply turned for the doors outside, not looking back once.

They were friends. This would all recede over in the morning.

“Jasper, wait!” Garnet called out. But Jasper ignored her friend and continued walking away, until she disappeared out the doors.

“Looks like I came at the wrong time,” Pearl approached her friends.

“No, you came at the perfect time,” Amethyst went in for a tight hug. Pearl could see a tear in the corner of her friend’s eye, running down her cheek.

“They had too much to drink,” Garnet whispered softly in Pearl’s ear.

“Of course,” she sighed, but it seemed like Amethyst heard her.

“Hey just because I can outdrink the both of you combined, doesn’t mean I’m drunk!” At her exclamation, she threw up right into her own hands.

_Great._

“Pearl, you take Amethyst outside. I’m going to find someone who works here or something to clean the mess.”

Pearl made sure not to rush the stumbling girl wobbling her way out. They made their way to the horrible smelling alleyway, and with a couple hair ties, she bundled up Amethyst’s hair into a bun. She held the shorter girl steady as she keeled over to hurl some more, all while she sobbed.

“It’s not my fault Jasper’s biological mother died. She was horrible to Jasper, why does she even care?”

“Jasper’s mom died? I never knew that,” Pearl said incredulously.

“She never wants to talk about _that_ woman. Not with me, not with anybody. She was horrible to Jasper when she was a kid, why does she even want to defend her? The asshole’s not even alive anymore!” _Hurl._

“Amethyst!” Pearl did not know what to say, in regards to Amethyst’s aunt, and Jasper’s own mother. If it was that touchy to even mention her aunt, Pearl would have steered clear away entirely from talking about her. “What happened with you two back there?”

“I just, _ugh,_ was talking to Jasper on how homophobic her mom was, and that if she was still, _ghh,_ alive the bitch would have made our lives a living hell. I had no idea Jasper would react that way!” Amethyst piped quickly.

“Still, that’s no way to address a family member, even if she was, well, a bitch. You should have known better to not bring up such a personal topic then.” Amethyst threw up again in that moment. _Well, maybe she didn’t know better._

“Oh come on now. We are going to find Jasper, and you are going to apologize to her as soon as we do,” Pearl continued in a sigh, as she pulled out her vape for a few puffs. “At this rate I may as well go back to cigarettes.”

Pearl let Garnet know of her plan to find Jasper, and they agreed to keep the ringers on their phones. At this point, her mind started becoming a little too clouded for her liking, and could not remember how much she had to drink with Sheena. When she realized she was struggling to walk straight up, she called Garnet to let her know where she was. Pearl and Amethyst, searched for the next hour, only making it down a few blocks. Jasper was nowhere to be found.

At this point in the night, Garnet had rejoined the two. They had no clue where Amethyst’s cousin could have gone off.

“Perhaps, she’s with Peridot and Lapis,” Garnet suggested.

The thought did not occur to Pearl until now. She may very well have gone to join them instead, though Jasper and Peridot were not exactly the closest of friends. But it was possibility. Pearl reached for her phone and called Peridot’s number. No answer.

“I’ll wait another ten minutes before trying again,” she replied to Garnet. But another ten minutes, and then twenty minutes had passed, yet Pearl could not get ahold of her housemate. Almost two hours had gone by since Jasper’s disappearance, and they were beginning to get worried, after several tries of calling Jasper’s phone. Dragging Amethyst around was becoming a hassle, so Garnet told Pearl they needed to sit and continue trying to reach out to their housemates.

“For all I know she could have been abducted,” Pearl said frantically to Garnet.

“You know just as well as I, that Jasper would be the one more likely to abduct rather than be abducted. There’s no way anyone could lay a hand on her unharmed.”

“How do you know that? She could have been kidnapped by a group of people!”

“Well, we won’t know until we find her. Try calling Peridot again.”

Pearl, who could only nod, tried once more, convinced that she would go straight to voicemail.

No more than after a few rings, Peridot’s high-pitched voice answered.

“Hi Pearl.”

“Hi Pearl? Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you for over an hour!”

“Sorry, we’ve been kinda dealing with… an issue over here.” Peridot sounded distracted. Pearl bet it had something to do with Lapis.

“Want to bet our issue is larger?” Pearl was tired and fed up with this night. She was fed up with Sheena for toying with her, Amethyst for not having a little more self-control, Peridot for not caring about anyone anymore but her significant other, and Lapis for ruining any growing relationship she could have developed with Peridot. This night kept growing from bad to worse, and she was not going to have any more of it. “Jasper’s missing and none of us can’t find her.”

“What? When was the last time you saw her?”

“A couple hours ago. We’ve all checked everywhere at the club, asked around at several other bars, and scoured the few surrounding blocks. Jasper said she was going out to smoke, but she’s nowhere to be found.”

“She’s not with us.”

“We’ve looked everywhere!” Pearl slur turned into a sob. 

“Alright then Pearl. First you need to calm down.”

“You’re telling me to calm down?”

“Yes, yes I am,” Peridot responded. “Second, how much have you all had to drink?”

“I’m… I’m not sure,” Pearl whispered.

“But you always seem to know!”

“Well, it was more than usual!” She obviously slurred at the word “usual”, and was certain she was not in the right mind to be even talking.

“How much did you have?”

“Perhaps a little bit,” Pearl admitted.

“That’s okay. First, we need to find Jasper, and figure out a way to get back. Perhaps a cab or getting a Ryde. Lapis, Lars, and I will start looking by Evergreen Street and Pike Avenue, which is where we are now. I’ll call you back in twenty minutes or if anything new comes up.”

“Thanks Peridot, I apologize for blowing up on you like that,” the pink haired girl sniffed.

“Meh, don’t worry about it. We’ll start searching for Jasper, and maybe one of us will find her. I’ll call you back soon.”

They both said their goodbyes and Pearl filled Garnet and Amethyst, half paying attention, in on what they spoke about. They decided to grab Garnets car in the neighborhood in order to cover more ground, when Pearl received another phone call. At this point she was praying and crossing her fingers for good news.

“We’ve found her!” Peridot said immediately. “We’re by the grocery store on Sandy Street. We found her with a homeless man and they both were lighting up. The three of us are trying to drag her away right now.”

“We’ll be right there, we are getting into Garnet’s car right now. Get her away from any new buddies she’s made, and we’ll pick her up.”

“See you soon,” there was an urgency in the shorter girl’s voice that provoked Pearl to hurry even more.

Once they had reached their location, Peridot filled her housemates in on Jasper’s status. She was in the sickest condition Pearl had ever seen Jasper in. Even worse than Amethyst, who was now starting to feel better. Pearl and Amethyst decided to call Ryde for them and Jasper, leaving her roommate’s car parked in the neighborhood overnight. Peridot, Lapis, and Lars took a ride home with Garnet. They weren’t a part of this drama before Pearl had pulled them in, and Garnet would give them all _the look_ if Jasper ruined her car seats.

She did not want that to happen.

Pearl did not allow herself to rest that night until the three of them arrived home, and the cousins were asleep. Garnet came home after they did, after dropping off Lars back at his place, Lapis, and apparently Peridot with her. Garnet ordered Pearl to stop cleaning up after them, even though they both knew Pearl was doing it to distract herself. Finally, she caved in, ice blue eyes drooping from exhaustion, and went to her room. After taking off her makeup, Pearl immediately went to shower anything tonight might have rubbed off on her.

In there, under the drenching showerhead, Pearl allowed herself to sob. First it was Sheena, and then Jasper, and now Peridot, though she did not fully understand why. She cried simply out of exhaustion from the night, not over each particular thing. She managed not to stay in the shower for too long, and dried herself off with a towel. She still cried, eyes now bloodshot, as she dried her hair. She discarded the towel around her body, as she climbed into bed, her mind bent on nothing else but sleep. Her eyes had a different agenda.

Her last thoughts before drifting away and the dreams to follow were of herself making up (and out) with Peridot, followed by cuddling in bed. Pearl forgot all of it in the morning.


	6. A Message from Rose

“I can’t come tonight.”

“Are you sure Pearl? You’ve never met the rest of my family before,” Amethyst asked once more.

“I can’t,” and Pearl said no more, before stepping out back to study and vape. She could not say anything more, especially the truth to Amethyst, that she had met her family, and used to be on extremely friendly terms with her mom. If she went with them, her secret would be revealed and Amethyst would never forgive her for it.

She knew her best friend would start talking to Peridot the moment she left earshot. She was certain Amethyst would be suspicious and wonder why Pearl repeatedly refused to visit her home. It was not like she could just pretend to meet her mother, Rose, without giving something away. And she left Rose Quartz back at her home so abruptly too. Rose would most likely want to know why, if she had not figured it out already through her daughter.

Yes, Amethyst had tried before to invite Pearl to her beach house on several occasions. Every time, she had refused, coming up with some elaborate explanation. She had too much homework to do. A friend from class was having a family crisis and needed support. Classrooms in the science building were switching around and she had volunteered to help by signing up. These were all lies of course. Pearl hated lying, especially to her best friend. But their friendship, and relationship with her family, would be better off if she never knew the truth.

The heat was getting to her nerves, and was increasing her anxiety. “What the hell,” Pearl said to herself as she stripped her clothes off, revealing her bikini. Proceeding to submerge into the pool, she hugged herself underwater in a fetal position. If only she had the ability to breathe water as well as air, she would live here forever. Down underwater, it was silent and peaceful. All time stopped, and no people could come and haunt her.  Nothing could interrupt her.

Except for her need of air.

Pearl resurfaced with a gasp for oxygen and swam over to the pool ledge on the shallow end. Pulling up her book, she continued to read the classic, from the bookmarked page she left off at. None of it was clicking in her mind, which was wanting to be somewhere else.

“Pearl,” she heard her name called out.

Standing outside was Peridot, who appeared even shorter than usual, standing next to the sliding door.

“Hi Peridot,” Pearl greeted. Her housemate followed Pearl and hopped into the soothing, cool pool to cool off. Her black bikini looked exceptionally good on her frame.

“So what are you reading?” Peridot asked inquisitively.

“The Three Musketeers, I’m just over halfway through. Anyhow, I think I’ve done enough reading for today. My eyes are getting a bit tired,” she shut the novel and tossed it aside.

“Well, when you finish, let me know what you think of it. I remember reading it a long time ago. It wasn’t my favorite, but it was definitely up there.”

Peridot stopped conversing at that point and floated next to her in silence. She was usually much more talkative than this, rambling on just about anything that came to her head. Then it occurred to Pearl that maybe Amethyst had talked to Peridot right after extending an invitation to her, and Peridot was deciding how to respond.

She decided to break that silence. “So, are you and Lapis getting together later?”

“Yes, after her last class Jasper and I are picking her up, and going to Amethyst’s house.”

_Okay that was a dumb question to ask._

“You and Jasper seem to be talking more,” Pearl pointed out, changing the subject.

“She helped me by giving me advice. I think after that, we gained more respect for each other,” Peridot chuckled. “Before then, I thought she was just Amethyst’s bum relative who never wanted to pay for anything other than hard liquor.”

Pearl laughed out loud, covering her mouth. She was not the only person who thought that of Jasper. “Well, don’t tell that to her face. She would probably kick your ass.”

“I know better than to do that. That’s why I’m telling you instead,” the blonde crossed her arms. “But I surmise that she is somewhat productive during the day, and not always bumming around through life.”

“It makes you wonder if she ever goes home at all.”

“Of course she does, she tells me herself. Although, she does not spend too much time there. I think she’s happier being around us than around whatever family or friends she actually lives with.”

Of course, Pearl knew a possible explanation she had learned through her other roommates. Jasper’s mother was a cruel lady and abusive to Jasper. Amethyst told her the story later on, how she passed away due to illness before Jasper started college. Being home likely reminded her of negative memories which she wanted to avoid. Amethyst and her family were Jasper’s closest relatives.

“So… Is Jasper the reason why you don’t want to come over tonight, or do you truly have a lot of homework?”

“I-I just have a lot to do.” Pearl was a horrible liar.

“Well, I don’t want to push anything. But _if_ something’s on you mind, you can trust me. I am the last person to judge anybody. Whatever happened with you and Amethyst is between you two. I just want to be there for you as a friend.”

She really meant it. Peridot was being fully sincere, and truly meant every word she said. Never before could Pearl remember Peridot betraying anyone’s trust, let alone her own. She was holding back from a person who just might understand. And if she held on to this secret, it would eventually eat her alive. Pearl bit her lip, before regaining herself and looking Peridot in the eyes.

“Promise me you won’t say a word of what I say to Amethyst.”

“This conversation is between you and me,” Peridot nodded.

Taking a deep breath, the taller girl continued. “First of all, this has nothing to do with Amethyst or Jasper. It’s about a mistake I made a while back.”

Her friend waited for her to continue, after Pearl grabbed her vape and began inhaling deeply.

“I can’t go over to her house. Ever since we’ve been friends, Amy’s wanted me to meet the rest of her family. But… to make long story short… I already know her mother. I was completely foolish. It happened last year, when Amy convinced me to download this dating app called Kindlr. It was right after I broke up with my ex, and was very vulnerable at the time. I met Amy’s mom, Rose, through that app. We… we met and went on a couple dates at first. I knew she was older, but Rose was so amazing and kind, her age did not matter to me. I never told Amy or anyone else I started seeing someone. I wanted to keep it to myself until we became official, and did not want any of them to think I was moving too fast. I did not figure out the truth, that Rose was Amy’s mom, until later. It was the first time I went over to her house that I discovered the truth. The whole time, our entire relationship, she kept secret that she already had a family, along with how old she really was.”

Pearl grasped her wet, dark pink hair through her hand, gripping it had. “She tried to hide any evidence at her house. But after we had hooked up and she went to take a shower, I uncovered some family photos.” Pearl could feel tears growing in her eyes now. “Please, don’t judge me! I really had no idea. I left that place as soon as realized, and drove away in shock without even said goodbye,” she started wiping tears falling on her cheeks. “It’s been over a year, any now Amy wants me to come over and _meet the family_.”

Shaking Peridot’s shoulders with both hands, she said frantically, “Do you understand why I can’t tell Amy, or anybody here? She would never talk to me again. It would hurt her so much!”

She collapsed weakly into Peridot’s sudden embrace in the pool. Peridot was usually not the hugging type, but when she did they were warm and inviting. Peridot felt immediately calmer than a couple seconds ago, in Peridot’s arms. “I haven’t told this to anyone before.”

“Really?” Peridot asked, releasing her friend.

“How can you tell anyone you screwed around with your _best friends’_ mom?”

“First of all, it doesn’t sound like you were _just_ screwing around. Secondly, there are counselors,” Peridot pointed out. “I’ve never been to one personally, but am thinking about it. They could be a listening ear and they are trained to-“

“No. I can’t deal with counselors anymore. They were never very helpful to begin with and won’t be in this case either.”

“Fair enough. But I want to make sure that someone will be there for you. And if not a professional, at least you can talk to me. You don’t have to be alone. You’ve already dealt with that enough.”

Sniffling, Pearl said, “You are a good person, and an even better friend, Peridot.”

“Of course, I am,” she pushed her short hair back with a hand.

Someone now knew her secret. And no matter how trustworthy her friend was, she knew secrets would unveil themselves at some point or another. Perhaps it was inevitable, only a matter of time before everyone, including Amy found out. She was able to test the waters with Peridot, but the shorter girl had not known them for as long. How would the rest act?

She would just have to prepare herself for then.

 

* * *

 

 

Pearl was rudely interrupted that evening from her nap with a text from the last person she wanted to hear from.

_Why did you not tell me before??!_

_Tell you what?_

_That you were roommates with MY DAUGHTER._

Rose Quartz’s message to her nearly gave her a full-blown heart attack, waking her right up. “So Peridot really couldn’t keep it a secret after all,” she told herself, before continuing to text her supposed friend the same thing Rose had. But before she hit send, she re-read the message, sighed, and erased the text, leaving a blank slate. From her sitting position, she fell backwards on her bed with the phone still in hand.

_No, it’s likely not Peridot’s fault at all. I knew Rose was bound to find out eventually. It was more likely through Amethyst or Jasper._

Turning over fetal position Pearl let out an audible groan in frustration. How was she going to deal with this situation? She considered texting Rose back, but in the heat of her emotions, it might not be the wisest idea. Would Rose tell Amethyst? No, that was not likely either. She could not imagine Rose casually going up to her daughter and explaining how she hooked up with her best friend. Rose was in a similar predicament as herself.

But Pearl did not intentionally seek to date Rose because she was Amy’s mom. If Rose was going to hold that against her, that would be entirely illogical. It was not like she _knew_ before, as Rose stated in her text. That was exactly the reason why she high-tailed it out of her home that night in the first place. She did not know any other way she could have handled it, which would have not dug her into a deeper hole.

She could not predict what Rose would say if Pearl decided to text her back. There was no way of telling. Rose was a kind and polite woman, but her anger scared her. It was something she did not want to deal with, especially after making the effort of moving on. She could not succumb to these texts. She would not let herself…

The front door made a slamming sound, waking her up from the trance of staring at the rectangular screen. She could make out Amethyst’s voice through the walls, and partially Peridot’s. Amy was mainly stating how full she was after the barbeque, and how she would remain that way for a while with all her take home leftovers.

She heard Peridot’s room shut across the hallway, which gave her the idea to ask for Peridot’s opinion, in a completely cool and casual way. After texting Peridot to ask if she had a moment, the shorter girl immediately responded, _sure, come on over._

Pearl snuck over to her friend’s room, shutting the door quietly to not cause any alarm. But as soon as she did, she whipped out her phone and shoved it into Peridot’s poor face.

“Look at what _Rose_ texted me Peridot! Look!”

“I’ll be able to look when you stop expecting me to have microscopic vision!” Peridot shoved the phone away from her face at an appropriate distance. “I wear glasses for good reason.”

Shifting her glasses so they would appropriately rest over her eyes, she studied the screen intently, as Pearl watched her like a hawk.

“Well?” Pearl asked, expecting Peridot to say something either helpful, or sarcastic.

“Well… that’s a pretty awkward situation to be in.”

“Pretty awkward indeed! How did she find out?” Pearl covered her mouth, “Did you mention anything at the dinner?”

“Of course not, I have no reason to tell anyone. At dinner, Rose asked Amethyst about the missing roommate, _you_ , that was not able to join. She mentioned your name and told some sort of story, like you were dyeing your hair, and Rose must have put the pieces together.”

Looking down Pearl gripped her short hair with both hands, as if she were trying to pull it out. “Great, just great. Now it’s up to me to respond and explain everything. What do I say, Peridot? What am I going to do, lie to her? Lie to her and pretend like I have no clue what she is talking about?”

“Don’t ask me! Though I don’t think you’re able to play pretend anymore at this point. Not now, when the truth is out there.”

Pearl turned around lifting her head a little. “This is a disaster. I let myself get too deep. If I had tried to get over her harder, never felt anything in the first place, I wouldn’t have screwed myself over like this. Now I’m debating whether to text her back or not, when I should have simply erased her texts in the first place. How pathetic is that?” Pearl felt herself scoff the last few words, before realizing she was louder than intending to be, and spoke softly, “Amethyst, Jasper, even Garnet cannot know.”

“You told me a million times before, and I’ll promise again. This is between us. Like I said, I have no reason to anyway, even if Amy has noticed you behaving differently.”

“What did you mean?” Pearl trapped Peridot’s bright green eyes with her own. She was not going to let this get away.

Peridot stuttered, “I… well… before going over to Amy’s house, she mentioned to me you’ve been treating her differently and acting funny. She was wondering if it was something she did or said to offend you. That’s it.”

“Amy was pushing that whole ‘dinner at her house’ notion constantly for the last few days. You know I couldn’t, can’t, go over there. I can’t be near Rose.”

“Instead of saying that to me, why don’t you just tell that to Amethyst?”

“Have you been listening? I can’t!” Her own voice cracked.

“What I’m trying to say is,” Peridot stuck both hands out in a chopping, directive motion, “is that Amy feels hurt that you are suddenly not talking to her anymore. Maybe if you were upfront and apologized, she would understand. Say something like you’re going through a personal issue or that something happened at school. You can’t just slowly close off to her, Amy notices those kinds of details. All she wants to do is be social, and invite you to meet a larger part of her life, don’t hold that against her. After all, she’s not only your best friend, but someone you live with.”

Peridot’s words hit hard and close to home. But they were deadly true. She was being an awful friend, and was shoving away her closest friend, because of a mess she got herself into and never finished wrapping up. Her voice cracked a second time, this occurrence caused tears to well up in her eyes. “I… she can never learn about me and Rose, what happened back then. I’ve been horrible to her. What should I do, about Rose I mean?” She managed to say.

Peridot, sitting casually in her chair sighed. Clearly, she did not like seeing Pearl in this situation, but what happened was now irreversible. “Like I said, I don’t know. I can’t instruct you on what to do in this kind of situation, because I have never experienced it myself. You should go online, check out some forums. That’s probably what I would do, all day. And I’m not going to be the bridge between you and Amy, that’s where I draw the line. I can’t be that person for my friends right now, and it won’t help your relationship in the long run anyway.”

Looking deep into her green, caring eyes, Pearl knew Peridot said some hard facts, but they were true. She really did care about her, it was all over her face. The way her forehead and bridge of her nose scrunched slightly, to the way she tightly held her lips together. It all expressed concern. If Peridot did not care about her, she would not have invited her to her room to talk in the first place. Pearl could trust her.

“Your right,” Pearl calmly collected herself. “I’ll go talk to her. It will be better that way, for all of us. But before that happens, I’m going to take a nap.” That way, she would allow herself some time to reflect on everything, to let it all sink in. Pearl hesitated before she turned to the door. “Thank you again, for being my friend Peri.”

Peridot chuckled. “What good would I be if I wasn’t there?”

Before opening the door, Pearl gave Peridot a smile.

 _She must think I’m messed up. She probably is pitying me now._ That was the last thing Pearl wanted to be, pitied.

 _Or maybe she genuinely cares,_ the voice inside her spoke.

 _No, that can’t be it,_ Pearl replied to that voice, internally.

_But what if you do?_

NO.

Standing right outside the door, eyes welling with tears, no one else but Amethyst.


	7. Broken

The shock hit Pearl full force, leaving her trembling. All the blood rushed from her face, leaving her skin ghostly white. A trickle of sweat went down her forehead, but she dared not wipe it away. She did not dare move at all.

“Why didn’t you tell me before Pearl?” Amethyst’s voice was small and week. The water that formed over her eyes finally fell, leaving streams. “How could you… and my mom?”

“Amy, I’m so sorry,” It was not Pearl speaking. At least she did not think it was. She did feel the vibrations of sound in her throat, and the choppiness when that voice cracked. Instinctively she reached out to touch her, like she had always done when Amethyst needed comforting.

But Amethyst forcefully shoved her arm away, throwing her to the side. “You both were… doing whatever behind my back!”

Pearl hit her head on the wall, taking the force from Amy’s fury. She would take it all, and was prepared. Her best friend however, did not place another finger on her. “It’s not what you think, please, listen to me!” Pearl shook her head.

“Hah _listen_? When you never mentioned it to me once? I’ve finally listened, and I’ve heard enough! You’ve been lying to me this whole time, and treated me like garbage these past few days for nothing! What did I do to you? I thought we were friends! You were my best friend,” clenching her fists, Amethyst held back and sobbed.

“Let’s just sit down and talk. I’ll make some tea and-“

“No. I don’t want to talk to you, ever! I’ve already heard it all, you told Peridot everything. What more is there to explain?”

A small, unnaturally timid voice piped up. “Actually Amethyst, she does have more to explain. Listen to the rest of what she has to say.”

“You knew as well, you knew she was lying all this time and didn’t tell me!”

“I swear on my life I just learned about this.”

“But you still did know, and never bothered to tell me why _she_ was ignoring me,” Amethyst pointed a finger at Pearl.

“I wanted to, but-“

“But it doesn’t matter or concern you much is that it? Because you don’t care at all!” Amethyst finished Peridot’s sentence inaccurately.

“No, you don’t understand!” Peridot shot back. “You’re both my friends and roommates, and I didn’t know what to do,” she squirmed.

“You were considering telling Amethyst?” Pearl could not believe it. Peridot was actually considering to tell Amethyst herself? Was all that talk from her, about Pearl being the one to approach Amethyst, just to get her off of her back?

“She was of course, because unlike you, she cares about her friends!” Amethyst was so mad she was contradicting her own words just to make a point.

“That’s not at all what I just said,” Peridot said incredulously, but her voice was drowned out by Amethyst, who was yelling at Pearl some more.

“Did you date my mom to get some sort of revenge on me? Or did you just want to fuck her for the thrill?”

“Amethyst, that’s no way to talk about your mom.”

“And there you go, defending that woman. How could my own mom do that to my friend? Do that to me? It all makes sense now, why you never wanted to come home with me for the weekends, or even today. It’s all clicking now. You were trying to avoid being caught! How long have you been hooking up with my mom? A couple weeks, or a couple years? My mom acted all that time like nothing was going on. She never led on that she was interested in you, not once. How did you meet? Was she the one to reach out, or was it you? It wouldn’t surprise me if you were the one.”

“Please just listen Amethyst,” Pearl pleaded.

“I’m not going to listen to a word of what you have to say. There’s no way. I’m going to say all what you deserve, and then I’m never going to talk to you again. That’s how it’s going to happen.”

“Peridot?” Looking past her angry friend. Behind Amethyst, Pearl saw through the corner of her eye, Peridot tip-toeing away.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Amethyst barked. Really, did Amy intend to keep Peridot here?

“I don’t want to be in between this. It’s not my place.”

“No but you definitely contributed, so you stay here,” Amethyst ordered, pointing in a downwards motion.

“I’m drawing the line. You can’t drag me into this anymore. Your issues are with each other. I’m not responsible for any of this.”

“Amethyst, let Peridot go,” a voice came towards them from the living room.

_Garnet…_

The older girl continued, “You know deep down she only wanted to protect you both. Don’t force her to stay here, when you both were the ones to involve her to begin with.”

“You heard everything was going on, right?” Amethyst asked her back.

Garnet nodded, “Everything.”

“Then you probably know everything that went on between Pearl and my mom,” Amethyst exaggerated.

Pearl watched Peridot as she continued to slip away, now that the focus was off of her. She understood why Peridot would want to high-tail it out of the house, but at the same time she felt angry and even abandoned. It made her feel ashamed and selfish. She was so mean to poor Peridot, and placed her in a difficult situation the entire day. Whenever her housemate decided to come back home, Pearl decided that she would formally apologize. It might not mend anything that may now be broken, but it was a start. That is, if she had the courage to look at Peridot in the eyes again.

“I had no clue until just now,” Garnet said matter-o-fact, putting a hand on Amethyst’s shoulder that made her wince.

 _Amy probably won’t trust anyone for a while,_ Pearl thought. And it was her fault.

“Why don’t we go into the living room and discuss this, now that we’re the only ones here. I’ll make the tea,” she looked at Pearl, who nodded, and followed behind both girls last.

Taking a seat on the futon, Amethyst chose the plush loveseat across from her. She moved her feet up on the seat, hugged her knees, and buried her face between her legs. Pearl sat on the edge, hands firmly planted on the cushion, and looked downwards. Both of them remained in that silence, shielding their faces, until Garnet came back with three mugs.

“Hope you both like Oolong,” she handed Pearl a mug that had a “P” on it. It was one Peridot sometimes stole from Pearl for that reason.

Neither one responded, but Garnet did not seem to mind. Off to the side, she sat down on the floor between the two. She looked at them both and after a few minutes of silence, she began, “Now, this is the part where you make up.”

Pearl looked down, away from Garnet and Amethyst. She did not want to speak, partially because she did not know what to say, and that she was afraid to. But if she did not apologize profusely, she would forever wreck any sort of friendship she had with Amethyst, if it still existed.

“I… I’m sorry Amy. I said it before and I’ll say it again,” a drop fell into Pearl’s tea, and then another. “This is difficult for me to say. You have no idea what this past year has been like. Every day I thought about it, that moment when I discovered the truth. Which is why I ended it the way I did, by running as far away as I could. There was nobody I could talk to that whole time, and I was afraid of telling you what had happened. I was afraid that if I told you about something that happened in the past, it would create unnecessary resentment. Please, just once let me explain what happened. And then you are free to hate me as long as you like.”

Garnet nodded and turned to Amethyst, “Are you willing to listen to her?”

Without removing her covered head, Amethyst responded, “You can say anything you like, but it doesn’t change anything then or today.”

Slowly, Pearl proceeded to tell about how she and Rose met and got to know each other. She did not dare go into the details of their dates or how far their relationship really went. But she did not fail to mention how Rose was elusive and reluctant, every time Pearl wanted to know more about her family. Rose never mentioned her true age and beat around the bush when the subject came up. By guessing Pearl estimated early to middle thirties, by her youthful looks. In reality, once she learned of her family’s existence, Pearl realized she was older than that. Pearl included that the age factor did not matter that much to her, that it was refreshing. Taking a chance, she also explained how long they saw each other for, and that she really did care about Rose. Finally, she got to the part where she was over at Rose’s house, and that there were no traces, even photos of them around. It was only when Rose was out of sight that Pearl did some investigating, to learn more about her, since she kept her life somewhat private. The moment she discovered the photo albums on the bookshelf and scanned through one, everything came to light.

Though it might have sounded false to Amethyst and Garnet, Pearl described how she slipped out and drove off as fast as she could from their place, without being noticed or leaving anything open. When she got home that night, she finally checked her phone to see there were several missed calls and texts from Rose. And despite wanting to text back, she had made a decision to leave and ignored her, to keep her friendship with Amethyst.

When she was done, Pearl finished, “I don’t know what else to say or explain. If I had known the truth sooner, things might have been different.”

“You’re a total liar.”

Garnet responded to Amethyst’s proclamation, “I don’t think that’s the case,” before looking her in the eyes. “Sorry Pearl, but normally it’s easy to tell when you’re lying. But that also makes it easier to know when you’re telling the truth. And I believe you.”

Garnet believed her. Whether she empathized with her was another matter altogether. The taller girl almost always had her emotions in check, which made her a hard book to read. But she would take what she could get.

“It still doesn’t change anything. Even if you didn’t know, my mom must have, somehow. And even if she didn’t, she was still cheating on my dad. Hell, she might even be still, who knows? What am I supposed to do now?” Amethyst slapped her forehead, giving a cynical laugh. “I thought I knew my mom. I thought she was happy with dad, and that they loved each other. Then this shit came out of nowhere, and I never want to look at her again.”

“Rose was the most beautiful person I knew but was also the biggest mistake I made. If you will allow it, I can talk to her about the situation... Even try and gain some answers for you…”

“I don’t care what you do, not anymore.”

“Do you believe you’ll be alright with that? If you do talk to Rose, it may only make things worse.” Garnet said cautiously. “I’m thinking of your long-term wellbeing.”

“A little earlier, she sent me a text that I never responded to,” Pearl admitted. “It seems as though she found out part of the truth. But she should understand the situation fully and I need closure on this.”

“She did WHAT?” Amethyst burst out.

“Texted me?” Pearl piped meekly. “It was completely unexpected.”

Amethyst’s mutter came out more like a growl, “if either of you try to get back together, I swear on that bitch who gave birth to me I’ll-“

That’s _enough_ Amethyst.”

Shocked at the assertiveness from Garnet, Pearl nor Amethyst had ever seen their friend snap so suddenly.

Garnet appeared surprised herself.

“Sorry, I… That kind of blurted out. You’re allowed to be angry at your mom, but if you plan on getting payback, it’ll make matters more complicated.”

“I never said I was planning on revenge,” the shorter girl said defensively. “But if my mom is cheating again, I have every right to confront her. Which better not be the case.”

She shot Pearl a death glare.

“That’s why I left her in the first place,” Pearl said softly.

Her best friend just stared at her. “Are you planning on mentioning I know about the two of you?”

“No, not unless you want me to. That’s between you and your mom.” Was she really going to go through with this? As much as she wanted to see Rose again, it pained her to think she would be ending things a second time. Pearl got off her seat, and went over Amethyst, kneeling on the floor in front of her.

“Please Amy, I ended things as soon as I could, for your sake. That breakup continues to haunt me to this day,” she placed a hand on Amethyst’s leg. “I also understand what it feels like, for a parent to be cheating.”

“You have no idea.”

Pearl felt a heat creep up in her forehead. “My mom cheated on my dad when I was a child, and he had no idea at the time. One afternoon before my dad came home from work, my mom told me to go to my room and stay there. Though I wasn’t to come out until my dad came back, I disobeyed because I was hungry. That’s when I saw my mom leave through the door with a man I did not know. I didn’t know what was happening until I watched her, from the window, drive off in a moving van. That’s why it kills me inside, to think I helped someone else cheat on their family. With your permission, let me talk to her and find the truth behind why. Let me do this for you and myself.” Pearl reached out her hand once more and extended it to Amethyst.

But Amethyst ignored the gesture and stood up. “Fine, you do whatever you want. I need some space for a while,” and with that, she briskly moved to her room, locking the door.

Pearl’s chest was beating rapidly, and she felt a wave of dizziness from the shock of it all. Then she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I’m proud of you Pearl.”

“Why? I have nothing to be proud of,” she said in a sniffle.

“You had the courage to apologize to Amethyst, regarding an experience that was very difficult for you to deal with.”

“But it doesn’t mean anything! Not when Amy won’t forgive me.” She could see it in her best friend’s eyes how pained and angry they were. Pearl had stabbed her best friend in the back with a sword, and there was no way to pull it out without killing their friendship.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Amethyst is the type of person that needs time to think first, after an argument or fight. She needs distance to process the thoughts in her mind. When the time is right, and if you remain there for her, I believe she will forgive you.”

“I… certainly hope you’re right,” Pearl said, feeling her eyes moisten. “But do you think talking to Rose is not a good idea?”

“That’s a decision you need to evaluate yourself. On one hand, you may find the reason why she cheated on her husband. On the other side of the coin, you might learn things that damage you and Amethyst all over again. You should do what you need to do to have closure.”

The possibility that closure might exist for her was a foreign thought. Pearl always believed she would never obtain it, that it was just a fantasy. At this point, so much time had passed that it felt most logical to ignore Rose and move on. But here the chance presented itself to her, allowing the opportunity to see Rose one last time.

When Pearl went to bed that night, she finally checked her phone, not looking forward to what was waiting for her response. Besides the texts and missed calls from earlier, there were two new messages. One from Rose and one from Sheena. She opened the one from Sheena first.

_”Hey Pearl, haven’t talked to you in a while, since the last time we went out. Did I do something to offend you?”_

_Oh, yeah,_ Pearl thought she needed to respond to Sheena, as well as explain why she ghosted her at the club. They were project partners after all, and saw each other on a daily basis at school. Pearl replied back, asking Sheena if she was willing to meet up and there being a question she wanted to ask.

When time boiled down to Rose’s response, Pearl looked at each message carefully, until she made up her mind. She was going to see Rose again.


	8. Rose's Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible at these updates... So, like last time, I posted a few chapters. Cheers!

The clouds really were beautiful at the beach. Especially when the sun was starting to set, making its descent into the waves. They started off white with blue undertones, to light pinks, oranges and reds. The sky itself changed colors to match, reflecting off the dark waves in bright ripples. Pearl reached out a hand as if to grab one. Rose had the same exact pink hair, and could imagine those curly locks slip through her fingers as if it was yesterday.

This previously was their favorite spot, reclusive and out of reach from most Beach City citizens. Though it had many sad memories mingled with it, this place grounded her. It felt safe. The rhythm of the crashing tides steadied her breath, and watching the wildlife took her mind away from herself.

That was why she chose this place, at this time, when asking Rose to meet her. At first, Pearl believed Amethyst’s mother would not agree to meet, and instead blow up in retaliation. But Rose did not communicate anger, after those first initial texts. Instead she complied with the idea, suggesting they meet somewhere not so public. Pearl was hesitant to talk alone with Rose, but considering the topic it made sense.

The plan was already decided. Pearl could not run away from this confrontation, like she had done so before. She both dreaded and looked forward to seeing Rose face once more and hearing her own name from those perfect lips.

What was she even thinking?

She wished that Rose was not related to Amethyst, that she did not already have a family. If she had never married, that it could have never come to this. Maybe in another reality it would have played out differently.

Or maybe the same.

A small hermit crab trailed by, determined to make its way through the vast desert of sand and into the waves unknown below. It left a thin trail behind, ignoring her as it scurried on with its own business.

“Pearl?” A voice caught her off-guard, though she was expecting it for the past half hour.

She already knew who it was. Pearl could have recognized that voice anywhere. Standing up from the sandy floor, Pearl stood up and turned to face the person whom she both longed and dreaded to see.

Rose was alone. She dressed casually, though her hair and makeup were done up. Somehow, the moment did not seem real.  

Wanting to forget everything, Pearl wished she could run into the woman’s protective arms like before. That urge conflicted with the reason why they were here in the first place. _Those arms are not a safe place_ , Pearl told herself in her mind. Allowing herself to move forward towards Rose, Pearl left a healthy distance between them.

“Rose…”

Pearl did not know what to say. What could she say? Out of the blue she had walked out on the woman she loved and ignored all contact. There were no words to excuse that type of non-communication.

“Wait,” Rose cut her off. “Before you say anything, I want to understand. Why in the world do you not only know my daughter, but live together as well? Why did you leave that night at my house? We were committed to each other, and you disappeared like that. Is this all just some game to you?”

There was both anger and sadness in those questions. Rose was always to the point when asserting herself during confrontation. It was a quality Pearl used to admire, but now it made her feel villainous. “Can we find somewhere to sit? Maybe those smooth boulders over there by the tide pools?”

Rose agreed and they made their way to a less tense place to talk. She could not believe she was here doing this.

“To keep it concise, I have always been your daughter’s roommate at school. I consider her one of my closest friends. Even Jasper is around enough to be considered a housemate.”

“You never mentioned her when we dated.”

“And you never told me that you already had a family, even when I prodded you about it. I had to learn about it by accidentally stumbling across your family photos of yours. Your whole life everything, was kept a secret from me, and I had to learn about it through pictures.”

“Pictures you should have asked to see. You assumed things about my life and dropped our relationship like it meant nothing.”

“I-I was scared and afraid for my friendship with Amy.”

_Which was now severely strained._

Rose’s face took on a rare, stern expression. “Why didn’t you come and approach me? We could have worked something out.”

“Because you kept it a secret! It was something you didn’t, wouldn’t, tell me, even when I asked! I assumed you weren’t ready to share that part of your life, so I stopped pressing the topic. I always thought it was perhaps complicated family matters, or that you had a difficult upbringing. I never assumed it was because you were married, which was something else entirely. You lied to me, that’s why I left! I couldn’t confront you about something you never wanted to discuss in the first place!”

Rose took a deep breath, “You know, I was frightened, about revealing my family to you. I was afraid that once I did, you would run and drop me like that. The whole time we were together, I planning on telling you, after figuring out my feelings. I intended on sharing everything with you that night. That was the main reason why I had you over, to show you.”

“F-Feelings figured out? How would you have explained it to me?” Pearl stuttered as Roses’ scent crept around her and made her jump. It mildly turned her on too, but she resisted it by crossing her delicate legs.

“I would have explained the situation, and how I would leave Greg, my husband, for you. Once I loved him dearly. He used to be such a romantic and passionate about his dreams. Then after we married he fell into an alcohol addiction. Those flowers in the morning, the initiative he took to be part in our children’s lives, the little ‘I love you’s’ during the day, they all disappeared overnight. The only reason we’ve stayed together is because of our kids, but once Steven grows up and graduates high school, I plan on leaving. There is no love anymore in our relationship, not even a little. Though he claimed to be love with me when we dated, that feeling never lasted. I struggled to maintain that feeling, to hold together both our parts in the marriage. It was after his sister passed that he started drinking heavily, and the rest was history. Around the time I had Steven, I began discovering my attraction for women. I realized I was never very interested in Greg sexually, despite having romantic feelings for him in the past. That’s when it hit. In both those aspects, women resonated with me. I needed to know what it was like to be with a woman, but not just anyone. When you came into my life, everything changed and I knew.”

“Knew what?” Pearl inched away, all too perceptive of Rose’s movements.

Rose did not say anything. Instead she advanced closer to Pearl, ignoring her hesitancy. At the closing proximity, Pearl observed just how revealing Rose’s cleavage was through her dress. Eyes widening, Pearl turned her cheek after realizing she stared a second too long. Rose noticed this as well. She took Pearl’s nervous hand in her own and began to lean in, closing her eyes.

Pearl’s first instinct was to receive those lips once more, to savor their warmth. She dreamed of the opportunity to kiss Rose once more. Amethyst’s face popped in her head, interrupting her thoughts. She should be ashamed of herself.

“No!”

Pearl jerked away just before their lips touched and fell sideways into the sand. “No, I can’t do this Rose! What about your kids? What about _Amy_? She’s my best friend. Would you have told her about us, or just expected her to magically find out? And _what_ would you have planned to do when she did?”

Rose said nothing, refusing to look Pearl in the eyes. Her expression revealed disappointment in plain sight.

Pearl continued, more assertively, “Would you have rejected a family you already had, for me? A girl the same age as your daughter? Or do you think they would have completely accepted and gone with it? I know what it’s like to have a mother walk out of my life. If it was due to a similar kind of situation, I would never forgive her. I still haven’t to this day. Maybe Amy has grown up and moved out, but Steven is still a young kid. If you decided to leave, who knows how it would affect him emotionally? I can never be with you, knowing I might cause your children to experience the same things I did. I could never do that to my best friend.”

Rose was un-respondent. That was usually a sign she was doing her best to contain feelings. If Rose had nothing to say or refused to shed any additional light, there was no reason for Pearl to be here.

“Aren’t you going to say anything back?” Pearl called her out impatiently.

“What else is there to say? You don’t want to listen to me or work out our relationship. Just now you rejected me and my feelings. I think that says it all,” Rose said sadly.

“Do you really believe I was not listening this whole time, just because I didn’t kiss you?”

“It was in your eyes. You wanted to. The whole reason you wanted to meet up was to see me again, wasn’t it. Don’t tell me you still don’t have feelings for me.”

“I’ve already told you want I want,” Pearl shook, her heart beating viciously, “and that cannot involve a relationship with you. Perhaps, once, it did, but not anymore. Things have changed. I’ve changed.”

“You know, I could always tell when you lie or skirt around the truth. And right now, you are lying through your teeth.”

“Does it even matter what I feel? It’s not possible anymore for us to be together.”

“What about what I feel? Did that ever occur to you? That maybe by wanting to meet up, you were mixed messages? No, because you aren’t being honest with me, and honest with yourself.” Rose kneeled down, now at Pearl’s level, and advanced once again.

“I want to be with you Pearl, more than my husband, more than anyone. I cared for you the most.”

“Then why?” Leaning backwards, Pearl grit her teeth. Her burning stress caused a long tear to fall down her cheek. “If you cared, there would have been communication from the start. It’s because of your secrecy… that our relationship was destined to fail.”

“It’s not secrecy, not wanting to share certain aspects of your life right away. It was appropriate and justified,” Rose said, giving up her flirting. The older woman appeared a little ticked. “I never once fabricated a false truth. I always planned to tell you. But we were just beginning to date, and it would’ve painted me as rushing things. With you, I knew you were different, and wanted to take my time. There is nothing wrong with wanting that.”

“Even if it unintentionally hurts the other person, right?” Pearl came back spitefully. “Even if it hurts the very same person you care for?”

This conversation was going nowhere, only repeating in circles. But Pearl was at the end of her rope. She heard enough. This couldn’t be the same Rose she once knew and laughed with, was it? If this was who she really was, her feelings had tricked her from the very beginning. Her idealistic picture of Rose was the culprit, the true lie this whole time.

Pearl had enough.

Rose did not reply either.

They would never work things out, that was evident now. Their conversation had only reopened festering wounds covered by band-aids, which in actuality needed stitches. Being together would only worsen those injuries.

“I don’t think we are going anywhere with this. It’s clear to me we have different opinions which are not going to be resolved. Though I can’t be with you, I am sorry it didn’t work out. I won’t contact you again. Goodbye, Rose.”

Everything that followed was a blur, her mind focused on only one thing. Pearl left her behind, and Rose did not stop her. Just like that, Rose was able to let her leave. All this time, did she mean that much, or little, to Rose? That was what hurt the most.

Deep down Pearl knew she had rejected Rose once more, after the older woman tried winning her affections. How could she accept? Rose was not the same woman Pearl knew when they dated. She never was. It was not _really_ Rose but herself, who broke her heart.

Hopping over the barbed wire fence with a graffitied “Do Not Trespass” sign and returned to her car, Pearl looked behind her as she opened the driver’s door.

Rose was nowhere in sight anymore, she had not followed after her. Pearl got in her car and locked the doors. It was over now, done with, and she finally gathered the truth. So _why_ did she not feel better? A lump grew in the back of her throat, which made it harder to breathe.

“Damn it!” She yelled and hit the top of the steering wheel, before covering her face with both hands. Now after truly understanding Rose, everything had changed. She had loved the Rose back in her past, but that Rose had been an illusion the whole time. Now, every genuine moment Pearl could recall with the woman was tainted. Every good memory she held onto, turned foul.

Inside her, something snapped.

“I was a fool, thinking I loved that woman,” she uncovered her face and held her palms out to watch them shake and see them drenched in tears. “I will never make that same mistake.”

 

* * *

 

 

That very same day, or night as it was now, Pearl sat alone at a familiar sports bar in the university district. Like she had with Amethyst’s mom, she texted Sheena back, asking if they could meet that night. It would be in her best interest in the long run, if she got to the point with Sheena. She would confront her about her flirting with another girl on their date. If she was able to end things with the woman she once loved, not once but twice, she was capable of anything.

After downing half of her second stone IPA, she let out a long sigh. Would Sheena consider this a date, like how Rose had misinterpreted their meeting? _Who knows_.

Earlier when setting a time, Pearl tried to choose a date different from that same day, but apparently there was no other time that worked for Sheena. Emotionally exhausted, Pearl just wanted to get everything over and through with.

“Pearl?”

Sheena came around the table to give Pearl a very light hug. She was wearing ripped jeans, a bomber jacket, and a crop-top band shirt which exposed her toned stomach. She smiled lightheartedly, “Hope you did not have to wait too long.”

“No, no, I haven’t been waiting long at all.” Truthfully had already been there for an hour, but she purposefully got there earlier to drink and process her thoughts.

Taking the chair next to Pearl she asked, “Hey is everything alright? The night we went out, you suddenly vanished and I was worried. Then I saw your roommate downstairs, Garnet was it? She told me you all were searching for a friend who disappeared. I tried texting you before to see if everything was alright but never heard back. In class you’ve been acting differently around me, like, you aren’t interested anymore in general. What’s going on Pearl?”

So, Sheena had actually sought to find Pearl that night after she left? So much had happened that night with Jasper’s disappearance, that for the rest of the night she was fully distracted. That distraction also was used as a coping mechanism for Pearl to cope with her hurt feelings caused by Sheena.

“It wasn’t anything you said but…”

“But…?”

“But it was something you did.”

“Huh?” Sheena said puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“That night, when we were on our date, I saw you flirting with another girl. That made me feel pretty lousy.”

As if trying to remember, Sheena had a blank stare on her face. “Wait a second, if you remember, she had blue, ombre hair, right?”

“Um, I think so?”

Sheena laughed as if it was all a funny joke. “You should have come over, so I could have introduced you. That girl and I were friends from way back. She and I always saw each other on those horrible summer camps parents send their kids to, when they want peace and quiet or alone time. Without Turquoise there, I would have hated everything. Well, besides the camp cookies. Those were decent.”

“So nothing is going on with you two?”

“Turquoise is just a friend. She may flirt with me occasionally, but that’s just who she is.”

“Really?”

“Yep,” Sheena said with a smile. It was hard to decipher if she was lying, but this time Pearl would give Sheena the benefit of doubt based on careful judgement. Whether Sheena was seeing this other girl as well as her did not matter… not anymore at least.

“I’m sorry,” Pearl found herself saying. These days she was apologizing too much. “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. It’s kind of a fault of mine,” she blushed embarrassingly.

“I don’t mind so much as that I’m sorry I couldn’t introduce you sooner. That way there would’ve been no misunderstanding in the first place. And despite the whole pretending to ignore me part, you’re cute when you’re jealous,” Sheena smirked.

“I was not jealous, I just wanted to understand what was going on, that’s all,” Pearl folded her arms around her body.

“Uh huh, I believe you,” Sheena played along with a raised eyebrow.

They teased each other, or more like Sheena teased Pearl, for a little while longer before they ordered a second round of beers. It was Pearl’s third for the night. Both of them were growing increasingly antsy, wanting to move around a bit. But the bar area was full, which did not open many other options. Sheena spotted the last available pool table near the corner and pointed it out.

“Hey let’s play a round.”

“I’m horrid at pool, I’d make myself a fool in front of you.”

“How about I show you a few tricks? My dad used to have a pool table in his basement and taught me a few things. Let me show you. You’re a quick learner after all,” Sheena winked, and Pearl knew instantly what she was referring to.

Pearl blushed, “Well, if you teach me, I’m up for anything.”

Instantly taking Pearl’s hand, Sheena led her over to the table and grabbed two cue sticks and block of chalk off the rack. “Before this night is over, you’re going to be a pro. I’ll see to that.”

But before they could set up the pool balls, a college-aged boy had already beaten them to it with a couple other men. He wore a bomber jacket, plum-colored scarf, and was vaping inside despite the rules.

“Sorry girls, but this one’s ours.”

“I don’t think so, we claimed it before you did,” Sheena shot back at his rudeness.

“Doesn’t look that way anymore,” he said while prepping his cue stick and checking his phone casually. “But since you’re here, let’s play against each other. Loser gets to buy the next round of drinks for everyone and let the winner have the table.”

“Oh, that’s not going to happen. I’d sooner let you kiss my friend Pearl here before losing to you.”

“WHAT?”

He looked over at Pearl, checked her out, and gave an overconfident smirk. “It’s a bet, you against me.”

His buddies rooted, “Yeah Kevin get it,” and “Show her who’s boss!”

Leaning over to Pearl’s ear, Sheena whispered, “I really hate jerks like him. Unfortunately for him, he’s going to seriously get whipped.”

Both opponents went to the opposite long ends of the table after the triangle ball rack was taken away. Keven dug into his coat pocket and pulled out a quarter. “Let’s flip to see who breaks.”

As the coin jumped in the air, Sheena called out “heads” while Kevin claimed “tails.” Slapping the coin down on the back of his hand, he unveiled the side, and it was indeed tails. “Looks like lady luck is in my favor tonight,” he looked over once more at Pearl.

_There’s no way I’m getting anywhere near that pervert._

Slouching over, he lined up with the cue ball and closed one eye. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the stick back, and hit the apex ball. The game started with a loud crack, and both stripes and solids zig-zagged in different directions. As they slowed, a striped ball inched to the far pocket and fell in with a clunk. 

“It looks like we’re solids,” Sheena told Pearl.

Kevin proceeded to evaluate the table and come up with a strategy. Choosing the striped ball furthest away, he lined his body up, aimed, and shot. It made a clacking sound as it fell into the same pocket as the first. Becoming smug with his so-called luck, he managed to shoot another ball in. But on his fourth try, when he attempted to fire at a solid to hit a stripe, it barely missed by a hair.

“Our turn now,” Sheena moved from her leaning position and placed herself next to the cue ball. From the looks of it, Pearl realized Sheena already knew which solid to aim for. In a single stroke, she shot at a stripe instead, breaking apart two solids which were pocketed in opposite corners. 

Without taunting, Sheena knowingly went to the other end and sunk another ball. And another, and another. In one turn, Sheena pocketed her whole suit with the eight-ball following last. Kevin’s jaw dropped and was speechless.

“And that, dear amateurs, is how you play eight-ball,” Sheena hung the cue stick back up. “Don’t bother buying us drinks, we were about to ditch this joint anyway. You can keep your pool table and continue hitting each other’s balls with your sticks.”

Kevin’s buddies hooted in laughter. “Sorry Kev, but she kind of schooled you there.”

“Shut up,” he said defeated.

“We’re leaving?” Pearl looked to Sheena in question.

“Of course, I won, didn’t I? I still want that kiss I bet on.”

Pearl’s face turned red and Kevin’s friends howled as the two walked out of the bar. Beside Pearl’s car was Sheena’s motorcycle, which looked much more rebellious than her own sedan. Strapping off her helmet, she asked Pearl, “Are you okay to drive?”

“I think so…”

“Give me a definitive answer.”

Pearl nodded, “Yes, I am.”

“Great. Since we drove separately, want to meet at my place? We could hang out and watch a movie.”

“That sounds good, do you want me to grab anything on the way?”

“You don’t need to worry about that, I have it covered,” Sheena reassured.

In no time at all Pearl arrived at Sheena’s place. _Is this a good idea?_ At this point, she really did not care if it was or not. _What about that kiss?_ Pearl thought to herself. _Was that just a joke to tease those guys at the bar?_

When the short haired girl knocked on the apartment door, Sheena answered with a smile. “Comedy or thriller?” She held up a movie in each hand.

“Comedy I suppose.” She needed a laugh or two.

They went to Sheena’s sofa where there were several plush pillows and blankets thrown over. Pearl put her feet up cross legged and leaned back, as the other woman slid in a movie they both chose. Pearl had never watched it before, but assumed if Sheena owned it, it had to be alright. The movie turned into one of those raunchy comedy flicks with tons of sexual innuendos. She laughed at some of them, but others put her off. She glanced over at Sheena. The other woman was engrossed in the movie and did not seem to notice.

The movie came to an unavoidable, cliché sex scene towards the middle, where the male protagonist began to go down on his romantic interest. Even though it involved a straight couple, Pearl subconsciously imagined it was her in place of the man. The thought of it made her core hot and became aware of the sensitivity between her legs.

Sheena must have noticed Pearl squirming, because she turned and asked, “Are you alright?”

“Yes, of course! I’m just sitting over here getting comfy!” Pearl tried to mask what she was feeling by crossing her legs even tighter.

“You sure?”

“I’m positive!” Pearl put on a smile, which made Sheena raise an eyebrow.

“I see.” Sheena tucked back a strand of pink hair behind her ear. Pausing the movie just as the scene was climaxing, she said, “You know, you still owe me that kiss,” she scooted closer to Pearl whose head was resting on the sofa’s arm.

“I had no part in that scheme of yours,” she gulped as the other girl was directly above her now.

“A bet’s a bet, and I don’t like poor sports,” Sheena’s green eyes glimmered.

Pearl saw this moment coming when she first agreed to meet at the other girl’s apartment. Due to their history it was inevitable. But she hardly cared anymore, she just wanted to forget about everything. It was much easier to distract herself, now that she was going half mad from the body now above hers.

“Then teach me the rules,” Pearl whispered, reaching to cup Sheena’s cheek.

The other woman reacted by pouncing in, kissing her lips. She tasted of beer and cigarettes, but Pearl decided she rather liked the flavor. Fervently, Sheena’s tongue asked persistently for entrance, which she allowed. They moved at a rhythm so in sync, that Pearl had to break it off for air. As her mouth left Sheena’s, Pearl tugged on bottom lip in the process.

“You’re such a tease, you know that?”

“Why do you say- oh!” Sheena began kissing her upper neck and collarbone next to her ear, which made Pearl give a half-cried response. Up until now, she never realized how sensitive that area was until the Sheena decided to explore it. The woman’s kisses trailed all the way down her neck until she reached Pearl’s chest.

Gently caressing Pearl’s covered breast with one hand, Sheena broke off the kiss. “Do you want to move somewhere more comfortable?”

“What… what do you have in mind? Pearl relayed, trying to catch her breath. Her hands held Sheena’s head and her chest rose and fell heavily.

“A few ideas to start,” Sheena moved off and picked Pearl up, and Pearl instinctively wrapped her legs around the woman’s waist.

They continued to kiss as Sheena carried her around the apartment, down the hall, and into her bedroom. Pearl felt a hand which held her up move as it shut and locked the door behind them. In her mind, she was ready for whatever Sheena wanted. No matter how Sheena would use her, she would accept it and just imagine it was Rose. Because in reality, nothing else mattered or could truly hurt her.


	9. Pain

She was falling farther and farther into the black abyss. For the past while, she had remained in this state, forgetting how she came to be here in the first place. Looking upwards for any clues, she could only make out a faint dot. The rest was black. How did she know she was falling? Well, she was not too certain herself. She could only guess by the never-ending rush of air that brushed against her, and the fact her body was not grounded on any surface. The only thing she knew in this world was that there were two directions: down and up, or forward and back.

It was strange, how completely calm she was in the midst of a dire situation. Instinctively she knew it was, but it somehow did not matter. After all, the fall went on for hours. There might not even be an end to it.

She reached one way, and then the other, determining if there were any walls to this place. There were not. Giving a call out, expecting to hear her own voice rebound back, it was completely drowned out.

_This is pointless. What am I doing?_

The gust became harsher and was difficult moving her limbs. In a matter of seconds, the temperature seemed to drop ten degrees cooler or even more. Her skin reacted in tiny shivering bumps. She needed to get out of here before she froze.

The strange world around her shook four times, if it was possible, while she tumbled through the air.

_“Pearl?”_

She tried answering but her voice was gone. Or maybe it was due to the fall which drowned it out. The whisper seemed to come from all different directions, causing her to become more disoriented than she already was. She was essentially blind in this place and could not use her sight to see where it may have originated.

_“Pearl.”_

Was it Rose? There was no way to tell by the primary senses, but somehow, she knew it was. The gentle voice becoming more commanding this time came forward, or down. Wanting to be closer to the woman, or person, saying her name, she braced herself as she tried increasing her velocity. But she was not in control of the place’s law. She never was since the beginning. The beginning? How did that happen again?

Beneath her blur of a figure grew closer, larger, as she fell forward. Her eyes became so accustomed to the dark, she was able to spot it as opposed to unadjusted eyes. But she did not even need her eyes to see anymore. She only needed her ears to hear the call, and her heart to know who was waiting for her at the end.

The closer the figure came, the blurrier it appeared until it was a shapeless blob. She reached out a hand, with an attempt to touch the form that simultaneously moved towards and with her. It was almost within a hair’s reach.

“Rose, I-“

_Slam._

Her body hit the end, where even the darkness became nothing.

Pearl woke up in a full on sweat and with a racing heart. Bunched up bed sheets all over the place, indicated that she had been dreaming.

Instantly, Pearl felt terrible and gross, realizing she broke out into a full on sweat. Wanting to grab her pillow off the floor, she reached but stumbled, proceeding with falling and hitting her face on the ground. From her partially still-asleep state, she could not feel even half the pain she would have experienced fully awake.

Groaning, Pearl got up and dragged the pillow while crawling back to bed. The time must be in the afternoon, based on the light glowing behind the blinds. Checking her phone, the clock confirmed it. She had been asleep for four hours.

It was uncomfortably warm in the room, despite the weather becoming increasingly colder. Stepping out of her bed for a moment, Pearl turned on the fan, facing it directly next to her head.

There was a soreness in her core which still persisted. Remembering her time with Sheena the other night hit her all over again. Whenever she sat or even moved to lie down it sent a shock of pain and discomfort. She had not yet decided if she enjoyed it with her now lover. At first, the force hurt a little, but eventually turned to undeniable pleasure. Pearl recalled how it felt experiencing some of Sheena’s toys. She touched the bite mark on her chest as she remembered. It was not particularly bad.

Pearl still wished for it that night to repeat itself, just so she could relieve the aching.

After a long night of both drinking, smoking, and sex, Pearl skipped school the following Monday morning, being in too much pain and wanting to take a long shower. It did not take much effort to sleep the rest of the afternoon away. After a couple days passed, her right leg would give an occasional spasm. Was that supposed to happen? She was thankful no one noticed.

Picking up her phone, Pearl opened her messages and scrolled to her chat with Sheena. She wanted her, especially now. Anything to relieve the ache between her legs and her damaged heart.

“What is wrong with me?” Pearl hugged the phone to her chest. But nothing in her could explain the loss and confusion she felt. Only when she cried in her pillow, she was able to express it. She was crying frequently these days, too much, and it made her worried. Crying neither made her feel better or worse. It only made her more aware of her situation.

The sound of footsteps resonated down the hallway, and Pearl quickly retracted her sobs. It was likely Garnet, coming back to their room after her shift. Occasionally she would come home early from work around this time.

But a knock on the door clearly told her that it was not her roommate. Garnet would have never knocked.

Peridot called her name, asking if she was in there. Instead of answering, Pearl ignored Peridot. She had already showed too much vulnerability to Peridot, which she regretted. Because of her vulnerability and decision to open up, it inevitably dragged Peridot down with her. It was not fair to place that sort of drama on her. Now in the state she was in, Pearl refused to allow herself to burden Peridot again. Not after how she had treated the blonde last time they talked. It was best if she kept her distance.

Peridot knocked again, “Hey, hey Pearl are you in there?” She proceeded to wait. But after a minute or so, she mumbled something incoherent, gave up, and went off.

 _It’s for the best,_ Pearl thought to herself.

Her phone vibrated twice on her chest, and in a flash her eyes glued to the screen. It was Sheena. Since that night, they had not talked or texted which made Pearl worry. Perhaps Sheena realized she did not like her at all, or maybe she could see through her mask. Hiding things from people was not a skill she was naturally good at, but had developed out of necessity. Rather than waiting in anticipation, she opened it and saw the woman’s message.

_“Hey Pearl how’s it going? Haven’t heard from you and wanted to make sure you were alright.”_

Before Pearl could respond, another message came through.

_“If you’re interested, Mike Krol’s going to be performing on campus. Wanted to know if you would join me?”_

So, Sheena _was_ still interested. If she was not, she would have never reached out. Was it because the other girl was genuinely interested in her, or in what she could offer? Either way it did not matter, but Pearl still wanted the knowledge in knowing what to expect. Sheena was a bit unpredictable in this way, and Pearl did not want any surprises.

Pearl texted her back saying yes, that she would be happy to and they could talk afterwards. After sending it, Pearl wished she could take it back.

 _“We’ll be able to talk afterwards?”_ They were already in the middle of talking. It sounded way too intentional and serious, even though she did not mean for it to come across that way.

But Sheena responded by saying she was looking forward to it. She offered to pick Pearl up at her place that coming Friday evening. Knowing she would also see Sheena in class between then, it would also give her some time to physically recover. Their class was not today, so Sheena would have no idea of her skipping school to sleep.

Missing tomorrow would only case Sheena would think something was up. On top of that, she would miss out on any information regarding the upcoming midterm exams. She could not take any more days off like this, even if she wanted to. She would not let herself.

It was not going to be like her dream, that she promised herself. She would not allow herself to get to that place.

Before she could wallow in sadness further, she hardly expected Garnet to barge in the door. It seemed she did get off of work early after all.

Garnet raised an eyebrow at Pearl after she closed their door. “Taking a nap, I see.”

Slapping an arm over her head to cover her eyes, Pearl corrected, “Sleeping in. I’m just tired, and need to re-energize.”

“It’s very unlike you, to sleep all the way through the afternoon,” Garnet went on. “Even if you’re just tired, you might feel better if you change into different clothes than what you went to bed in.”

Sure enough, Pearl looked down and immediately she wondered why the thought never passed her mind. Drudgingly, she slipped out of bed and threw on some new shorts and tank top. Garnet was changing out of her work clothes, and Pearl felt awkward going straight back to bed. She had definitely grabbed Garnet’s attention. The older woman probably thought she was lazy, _or worse,_ a wreck.

“Feel better?” Garnet said, pulling over her shirt.

“Pearl nodded, “Yes, much more for sure,” and stopped herself from saying anything more.

“You know, you have been very quiet these last few days. I am curious as to why.”

"I'm nothing more than tired and needing some additional sleep," Pearl sighed as she curled back up in her sheets.

Garnet, who knew very well it was Pearl-code for "I'd rather not talk about it," dropped the topic there and let her roommate be. Conveniently enough, Jasper called for Garnet in the kitchen, so Pearl had the room to herself again.

She would sleep until she absolutely had to get up for her date later.

 

* * *

 

That night the field quickly filled up, turning from a football field into a legit concert venue. The setup crew dimmed the bright overhead lights, replacing them with multiple-colored floodlights. Up ahead, the raised stage made the space feel larger than it really was. This was the first time Pearl had actually gone to one of the annual campus concerts, since she now had a reason to go.  

“Here, I got you a hot chocolate,” Sheena smiled, handing her a drink. “This should warm you up a bit.”

“Thanks,” Pearl shivered through her teeth, swaddled in a giant mass of fleece. “The blanket you brought is pretty helpful as well.”

Sheena joined her and wrapped the blanket around them both. “You can’t hog it all for yourself you know,” she winked.

“Oh, I wasn’t trying to at all, I…”

“Relax, I was only joking with you,” Sheena chuckled. Taking her delicate hand in her own, Sheena brought Pearl close to her and put both arms around her waist.

Pearl could feel the woman’s entire body pressed on her back, which made her flush. She remembered Sheena’s naked shape and curves from the other night, and her aroma of cigarettes and perfume only enhanced those thoughts. Though it was not the best place to make out, she really wanted to kiss Sheena.

Why did she allow her mind to wander like that? Even when she was dating Rose, she did not have the same urges as she did now. They were at a whole other level.

Sheena hummed along as the third band of the night began to play. Pearl felt the vibrations of her voice reverberate through her back. Relaxing her, it made Pearl give an audible yawn.

“Tired already?” Sheena raised an eyebrow. “It’s only ten.”

“No, no, I’m fine, really. The past two nights I did not get much sleep.”

“Oh? I wonder why?” Sheena went along.  

"You know me, I've been studying like a maniac and working on a paper I want to have absolutely perfect."

Laughing, Sheena hugged her even tighter in a quick squeeze. "Pearl, you're pretty amazing, but you also need to sleep sometimes."

“Thank you, I think you’re amazing as well.” Why was her heart pounding like this? She did not like the woman _this_ much, did she?

_No, this is just my mind getting ahead of myself._

No longer paying attention to the music, all her senses focused on touch. Was Sheena’s heart beating faster?

Towards the end of the concert, Sheena stood up and wrapped the rest of the blanket around Pearl.

“I’ll be right back, don’t get too comfy,” she said with a grin.

“There is a large possibility I might,” Pearl snuggled in the material.

After Sheena was no longer in sight, it came to Pearl’s attention that Sheena had not taken her things. That including her phone. Swallowing hard, Pearl remembered watching Sheena flirt with that other girl on their date at the club. Though Sheena had explained they were childhood friends, Pearl was not one hundred percent sure if she could believe it. She was not _that_ dense where she could not tell if people were just being friendly or seriously flirting. If Rose was capable of lying to her, why not Sheena?

Reluctantly reaching for Sheena’s phone, Pearl reasoned her actions were justifiable. She would only glance at her text message inbox to see if Sheena and her friend, Turquoise, were talking at all. If they were, Pearl deserved to know what kind of relationship they had.

At the very top of the inbox, Pearl and Sheena’s conversation showed up. Underneath was a text from “Mom” and then from none other than Turquoise. The conversation displayed the time of the last text, which was that morning. Though she was afraid to look and see, Pearl knew that the benefit would be greater in the long run. Opening the thread, Pearl skimmed as fast as she could through the most recent messages.

None of the texts were platonic.

Pearl’s eyes grew wide, and she bit her lip.

They were extremely flirtatious and explicit.

She did not need to read through the entire thread to know Sheena and Turquoise were not just on a friend-to-friend basis. They were clearly hooking up as well. Pearl closed out of the messaging app, turned off the phone, and set it in the exact position as she had grabbed it. Her body became stiff and completely still

_Of course. If I couldn’t even trust Rose, why did I ever think I could believe Sheena?_

Guilt came over her from snooping in someone else’s phone in the first place. It was not like her at all to do so. But then again, she deserved to know if she was being deceived, and what kind of person Sheena truly was. And now she had her answer. With this knowledge however, Pearl could not bear to bring herself to leave Sheena as she did her older lover. The thought was too painful to even consider. Not only that, but they were also project partners. There was no way to get out of that, now that several weeks had rolled by.

For the rest of the night, Pearl’s mind kept distracting itself from her date. Picking up on her body language, Sheena noted of this observation.

“Is everything alright?” Sheena asked, as they walked back to the taller girl’s place, holding hands. “You seem a little tense.”

“Oh, yes, everything is fine. The tiredness hit me in another wave, you know? Lack of sleep and all. Yay for college?” Pearl gave a nervous laugh. Could Sheena feel how warm her hands were?

“Alright,” Sheena sounded like she did not entirely believe her despite playing along. “Suit yourself.”

_What was that supposed to mean?_

Arriving at Sheena’s apartment, Pearl noticed all the lights were turned off. Sheena’s roommate Buck must not be home or asleep. Either way, it was dead quiet. Following her date through the door, Pearl took a solid hunch on what Sheena was planning.

The moment Pearl was inside, Sheena shut the door, grabbed onto her waist, and pinned her against the wall with a thud. As she leaned in in to whisper in her ear, the taller girl smelled of mint, cigarette smoke, and a woody kind of perfume. “It’s pretty attractive when you play hard to get.”

That’s not what she was intending to do from the beginning, but Pearl was glad Sheena did not interpret it as anything else. Snaking a hand though Sheena’s shirt, Pearl grabbed a fistful of the material, pulling her into an embrace of lips.

 _Sheena’s misleading you,_ Pearl heard her mind say. _She doesn’t want anything from you besides what you can give._

But could she not say the same for herself? Sheena was undoubtedly similar to Rose in looks. Though that was as far as the similarities got, Pearl would take anything she could. Her relationship with Rose never worked out, but perhaps Sheena would be enough.

Despite her hopes, her unique relationship with Sheena was unclear. Sheena was hiding the truth from her, telling her face that she and her “camp buddy” were just friends. Weighing these factors, she decided to go along with the current moment. There was no reason to halt or disrupt the pleasure she was experiencing.

Humming low in Pearl’s mouth, she slowly caressed Pearl’s tongue with her own. The taste of cigarettes excited Pearl despite knowing all the facts of how awful they were for one’s health in general. She hoped this experience would not entice her to start smoking again.

Helping Pearl out of her jacket and tossing the article on the coffee table, Sheena took off her own and guided them both to the sofa. Her skin was warm, Pearl noticed, and realizing the coldness of her body temperature.

Without breaking off their kiss, Sheena led them both to her bedroom, letting Pearl fall on the mattress similar to their previous time. Could Sheena see, standing above her now, how fast her heart was beating?

As the taller girl moved down onto the bed, Pearl reciprocated her embrace. Somehow Pearl felt uncomfortable about it, knowing she was only being used. On one hand she did not want it to end. This was growing too complex for the thin framed girl to ponder over, and felt a trickle of sweat glide down the back of her neck.

Sheena’s bright green eyes caught notice that something appeared off.

“You don’t seem like you’re into it that much. Would you like to try something new instead of what we did last?”

“No this is good,” With her palm, Pearl wiped the rolling drop, revealing more of her stomach from her cropped shirt during the stretch.

There was a glint in those green eyes Pearl could not decipher. Sheena, who got up to rummage through her closet, brought out a few items that were new to Pearl. She was not even sure how they were to be used or for what purpose. But they were pushed to the side.  

“Hmmm right,” The sarcasm in Sheena’s voice said clearly, she did not believe her. “You know, I can tell when something’s on your mind. Care to share?”

Pearl reluctantly shook her head but hesitated doing so a second too long. Sheena was not about to let it go now, after this being the second time Pearl revealed her emotions on her sleeve. “Actually, there is. It’s pretty juvenile though.”

Sitting down to face Pearl, Sheena moved back the hair behind one ear. “I’m all ears.”

“Well…” Fumbling with her hands and words, Pearl was reluctant to talk about her discovery during a moment like this, but she only had herself to blame for putting her in this position. “Do you remember when we went out to The Stage?”

Nodding, Sheena confirmed, signaling her to go on, “I’m following.”

“The friend of yours that you ran into, Turquoise, if I remember correctly, I still can’t help but think she has some feelings for you. Even though you explained it last time, that you two are just good friends, I can’t help but feel some jealousy. Petty, I know. You would tell me if there was something going on between the two of you, right?”

Lacking an immediate response, a small line appeared between Sheena’s brows.

“It’s true, Turquoise is a good friend I’ve grown up with. But lately, she’s needed someone there for her through a rough time,” Sheena ran a hand down Pearl’s waist, caressing it. “Does that bother you?” she stared expectantly.

Was _this_ Sheena’s way of admitting feelings for another girl? If so, Pearl wondered how she herself felt about it. It would be hypocritical of her to be bothered if it was the truth, since she still was navigating her lost feelings for Rose. At the same time, she had confronted her first love and received some form of conclusion. Pearl did not find any need to mention those details to Sheena.

“You two have known each other longer, so I suppose it makes sense. I appreciate you telling me.”

“Are you’re okay with that?”

“…Yes.” Was she?

“And you’re cool with being here with me tonight?”

Pearl responded by taking Sheena’s wandering hand, while closing the gap between their lips and hummed a tone of approval.

Sheena broke away from the kiss and chuckled while grinning, “You keep surprising me, you know.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” Pearl responded flirtatiously. She was successful in getting away from the topic without it getting too far. Though she wanted to know more about what the mature girl meant, her touch was slightly more compelling. “Want me to show you tonight?” Pearl whispered in her lover’s ear.

“I’m all yours,” Sheena smirked.

Pearl was seriously beginning to doubt that.


	10. Road Trip

It was two weeks since her fight with Amethyst, her encounter with Rose, and since she had… somewhat talked with Sheena about where their relationship stood. Through it all, Pearl could not help but feel a type of detachedness from the people she surrounded herself with. She neither was, or at least exposed, too-large amounts of sadness or happiness.   

Pearl observed the past week, Garnet attempting extra effort in reaching out to her. The older woman had not the slightest clue about Sheena, or even the details of her confrontation with Rose. Garnet knew she and Amethyst’s mother had talked but decided to not pry her. It was likely because Garnet wanted to be respectful of her roommate and prevent any re-opening of wounds. On some occasions after she would return from her job, Garnet would bring back small treats, like a chocolate bar to split or even some lemon-flavored green tea. Once, she even cooked her favorite dish for dinner when all the other housemates were away, offering Pearl all the leftovers for future meals. It was these new, small acts of kindness Garnet was making for her, which made Pearl wonder her intention.

 _Garnet never has any selfish intentions when going out of her way to make people happy,_ Pearl reasoned in her head while criticizing herself for thinking that way.

As of late, Garnet was the only one she had spoken to in conversation. With the rest of the housemates, it was the usual small talk in the mornings or the evenings. So, when she heard a knock on the door of her room, she was a tad surprised to hear Peridot’s voice and not Garnet. Refraining from moving out of her chair, she shut the astronomy textbook in her lap, which she was reading for the past hour.

“Hello Peridot,” Pearl greeted the other girl who opened the door, inviting herself in.

“I, um, hi,” She awkwardly raised a hand in greeting and put it in her hoodie pocket. “How are you doing?”

Peridot was acting much more formal than usual self. It was very unlike her.

“I’m doing alright,” Pearl sighed deeply, unknowingly giving off an impression that something was not alright. “Is there something you need?”

“Well,” Peridot trailed off, “I suppose I wanted to talk to you, about what happened that night with Amethyst, and I guess Garnet to an extent.”

Nervously, Pearl asked, “What about it?”

“During that evening, I really did not mean to hurt you. I was torn when both of my friends were confiding in me about each other. I did not want to break your trust or Amethyst’s, but I managed to do that anyway and you were still hurt. It’s been growing in my mind and I need to do something, not remain put and be idle.” Peridot tilted her head, placing one hand on her hip and with the other, massaging the back of her neck. She sighed similarly to how Pearl had a minute before. “What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry.”

“Oh Peridot,” Pearl got up from her chair to stand with the shorter girl. “It was never your fault. None of it was,” Pearl shook her head. “After you left that night, I deeply regretted treating you the way I did. I’m not sure regarding Amy, but she probably feels the same. You don’t need to apologize for something you did not do.”

“Still, if it means anything, I still want to. I also hope we can continue where we left off, as friends. If you want to. If not, it’s perfectly reasonable that you would want to go on as simple housemates.”

This was one of the rare moments Pearl witnessed Peridot so open. She was amazed to think Peridot still wanted to be her friend, after Pearl treated her so horribly. It made sense, to maintain any sort of peace within their house, or wanting to prevent any uncomfortable living situations between them. Whatever the reason, mends needed to be made. “Of course, we can still be friends,” Pearl gave a genuine smile.

“That’s great!” Peridot coughed, “I mean, that’s cool. _Now_ that we’re talking again, what are your plans for over break?” Pearl could anticipate the blonde about to subtly, or not so subtly, invite her to something.

But Pearl played along, “I’m not really sure. I may spend most of my time studying and preparing for this next semester’s course material. If I get around to it, I might visit my dad back home.” In reality, she was anticipating spending most of her time working through emotions and with Sheena. But Pearl did not feel comfortable admitting that to Peridot.

“That sounds… exciting,” Peridot acknowledged, though her tone of voice betrayed her, slightly cracking. “If you wanted to get out of the house though, Lapis and I are going on a road trip and there’s still room in the car. If you would like to come with us, that is.”

 _Cute._ Pearl thought to herself. Though she really had no reason to be nervous. “Would Lapis mind?”

“I’ll let her know, I’m sure she’ll be fine with it.”

Peridot took the bit of interest as a concrete ‘yes’, though Pearl did not give an absolute answer. It did not matter much though, since she was going to tell the blonde yes anyway. She found it out of character, that Peridot had not talked to Lapis yet about inviting others on their own trip. Did she want her to come along that much?

“When are you two leaving?”

Peridot looked down at her watch and back up, “Tomorrow morning at seven. So, from the looks of it, within the next twelve hours. Is that too short of notice?”

“Not at all. That’s more than enough time for me to pack and go to the bank.”

“Great! Ahem, that’s great, I’ll go let Lapis know now.” The shorter girl excitedly left the room without saying a goodbye.

“Well, that happened suddenly,” Pearl said to herself out loud as she put the book back in its place on the shelf. “I wonder what she was thinking, inviting me and not the others.”

She could go to Garnet, telling her of Peridot’s invitation, and perhaps the older girl would have some insight. But then again, maybe not. If Peridot did have a motive for doing so, she would likely tell Lapis first, and she did not even go that far. Was it perhaps that the blonde wanted to spend more time with her?

 _No, no, not like that. It would be ridiculous,_ she thought. _She’s completely head over heels with Lapis, who is going on the trip as well._

Whatever the reason, she and Peridot were about to go from not talking at all, to talking every day. This made Pearl smile, remembering how sweet Peridot acted when she asked her.

_She doesn’t like me, not like that. Only as a friend._

She felt a strange envy towards Lapis again. She did not actually like Peridot. She could not, not when she had Sheena. Not after loving Rose. Not after she pulled the blonde into all that grief.

 _It would undoubtedly complicate matters, if I genuinely did like her_. _But it doesn’t hurt to be a little excited, right? It can’t be wrong to simply like someone.”_

Now that her plans for the break had spontaneously changed, she needed to let Sheena know she would be gone for a bit. Likely she would be cool about it, telling her to have fun. Pearl guessed she would not be terribly missed by Sheena anyway. Pearl set down her phone after texting the older woman and began to pack. She did not notice that whole time, a smile crept on her face.   


* * *

 

 

“Ugh, traffic,” Peridot complained in utter disgust. “How did we get _so_ fortunate?”

“Is that sarcasm I hear from Pearl?” Lapis turned to the back of the car, extending her ear while cupping it.

“There seemed to be an accident,” Peridot answered, focused only on the congested freeway. Lapis tried showing them both the map on her phone, but the blonde’s eyes were glued to only what was in front of her.

Turning to the back of the car once more, she held up the phone and pointed to the screen. “We won’t be in this for too long, just another ten miles.”

_“Lucky us.”_

It was not Pearl who spoke, but Lapis’ friend and roommate, Blue. Pearl had not known anyone else was coming along as well. If it had only been the three of them, that would have entailed a whole week of third-wheeling. Peridot and Lapis probably recognized that and invited someone else for Pearl to click with. Or set up with, Pearl could not tell yet.

Blue looked familiar to her, and Pearl wondered where she might have seen her before. It had to be around school, in one of her classes. That was likely the place.

When they passed by the accident on the freeway, all Pearl could see was black smoke, two flipped over cars, and a skeleton of a crashed and fallen over semi-truck. “That has to be the worst accident I’ve ever seen,” Lapis breathed in.

Agreeing with Lapis, the wreck was horrible. Even from the distance they drove from the collision, the heat from the flames radiated all the way to their car. Pearl felt awful for whoever was caught up in it, and wondered how the accident happened in the first place.

After another hour, the black smoke was out of sight, and the sky was once again blue as ever along the coast. They had made it to Beach Coast Highway, and it felt as though their trip was finally initiating at last. Rolling down the window, Blue was snapping a photo of the ocean with her DSLR camera. It looked like it had cost a considerable amount, and very well-maintained.

“It’s so lovely here this time of year,” Blue exclaimed, enjoying the scenery, without speaking to anyone in particular.

“We have about seven hours to drive before we come to our first destination, the pink chalk cliffs. Until then, this will be the only sight we’ll see,” Peridot pointed out, without turning her neck around. Massaging the back of Peridot’s hand, Lapis had been holding it for the past hour. Pearl felt the same mind-bothering twinge towards Lapis, which she experienced before, creep up again.

_Even if it is jealousy, I have no right to feel that way._

Copying Blue in order to bring about a distraction for her mind, Pearl rolled down her window, drawing out her vape pen and inhaled deeply. A thick ring escaped her throat, floating through the open window. Immediately after, Pearl became slightly lightheaded, due to the nicotine hit. Since the smell did not stick to the seats, Peridot allowed Pearl to vape only on the condition that the window was rolled down. “I’ve always wanted to see them, the cliffs I mean,” she replied. “I can’t believe it hasn’t happened before.”

“Who knows, the cliffs might even match your hair color,” Pearl could see the teasing Peridot through the rear-view mirror.

Before Pearl could retaliate, Blue added while snapping a photo of Peridot and Lapis in the front, “It will make for some fun photos,” she patted the professional looking camera case next to her.

“That thought has never occurred to me before,” Pearl chuckled. “I will be curious to see how accurate the hues are,” she pulled a few strands of her own pink hair.

_Snap!_

Blue took a candid shot of her, in the middle of her hair pulling. She laughed, a light pink blush forming on her cheeks, before looking Pearl in the eyes. “We’ll have two of nature’s natural wonders in the same photo.”

_Was Blue talking about her?_

“I… thank you, you flatter me.” Did Blue just try to flirt with her? Up in the front seats, Pearl could hear Peridot and Lapis giggling. They knew something she did not. The idea of inviting Pearl along seemed to become more likely to be a set up than she originally thought. It could not simply be an assumption. Curious, Pearl decided she would play along with their scheme this trip and make them think she did not have any idea. Blue was cute, and the thought of getting to know her better seemed fun anyway.

“See?” Blue turned the camera around, so that Pearl was viewing the gallery screen. The shot was not bad for being a candid, in fact, it looked pretty good. And like she was using an expensive camera.

Somewhere during the long stretch on Beach Coast Highway, Pearl’s eyes became droopy and fell into a half-asleep daze. She wanted to stay awake and engage with the rest of her friends but did not sleep a wink the night before the trip. That insomnia not due to anxiety, but rather out of anticipation of the trip and everything she would be missing back home.   

An alien smell wafted through her nostrils, which jolted her out of her lethargy.

“Huh, wha- What’s going on?” She snapped out of her slumped position with her head back, and neck arched outwards, pulling a muscle in the process. Massaging the back of her neck, she knew it would be sore later.

“Here’s your sandwich, I think this is yours at least,” Blue was handing her the lunch she packed that morning.

“Oh, it is, thank you,” she took the sandwich and set it on her lap, using it as a placemat.

“Before I forget,” rummaging through her backpack, Blue pulled out a large bag, featuring an obnoxiously happy potato chip as the brand mascot. “I brought these to share.” It was a monster bag of Chaaaps.

“I don’t think I’ve ever tried Chaaaps before,” admitted Pearl, knowing how huge their cult following had become in Beach City. In the past year, the Golden State chip company had created over fifty flavors, some only available in different parts of the country.

“Stop, you’ve never tried them before?” Lapis butted in. “That’s like saying you’ve never tried ice cream.” She went back to her conversation with Peridot.

“She has a point,” Blue agreed with her roommate and then added, “Here you are, your first Chaaap.”

Pearl took it from Blue’s hand and ate it with a crunch. It was thicker than most chips but not too heavy or tough. It tasted like sea salt, a slight hint of vinegar, and melted in her mouth.

“I have to say, I think those are…”

“Are what?”

“…Are the best chips I have ever had in my life. Now hand over the rest of that bag, before anyone gets hurt.”

Blue hugged the bag of Chaaaps to her chest, as if to protect it. “You can’t just eat Chaaaps like some cheap snack food! They are _only_ the best quality potato chip and must be valued and savored that way.”

“Have you tried this flavor yet?”

“Um, I don’t think I have.” Blue stuck her hand and drew a chip from the bag, still in her loosened grasp.

One bite was all it took for Blue to look down at the bag and back at Pearl and say, tossing all moral, “Aw screw it.”

Together they kept stuffing their mouths with Chaaaps, eating as many as they could. They were halfway through their ravenous devouring when there was a cry from the front of the car.

“Wait, you can’t just finish it, I need some too! You can’t just inhale that whole bag like that without me!” Lapis unbuckled her seat belt and climbed over to the back of the car, plopping between the two. She joined their munching, though the two girls were hesitant to share with any more people.

Pearl realized this was the closest she had ever been near Lapis.

“Are you really going to leave me up here like that?” Peridot grumbled, looking quickly in the rear-view mirror and back towards the road.

“What can I say, my heart is where the food is. Don’t worry, I can hand-feed you from back here, with the pearl girls,” she put an arm behind both Pearl and Blue’s heads.

“Are you really cheating on me with a bag of chips Laz- mmpph!” Lapis stuffed Peridot’s face with a handful of broken chips.

“You’re slightly better than Chaaaps.”

“Wow, thanks,” Peridot said sarcastically.

Peridot and Lapis were busy teasing and chatting away as normal. While Pearl was attempting to pick up the crumbs along the floor and seat, Blue noticed and copied her action.

“So, Pearl,” Blue began, while the two other girls were in their own world. “What’s your major anyway?” Blue talked over Lapis’ back.

“Astrophysics. I promise you, it’s not as dull or boring as it sounds.” _On most days,_ Pearl thought.

“That doesn’t sound boring at all! Not from you anyway. I was asking because I think we had the same lecture class together.”

“Really? With which professor?”

“Dr. Sanders on Tuesday and Thursdays, middle of the day?”

That was it. Blue was in the same lecture class as her and Sheena. Surely, she would have noticed their flirting, since she had noticed Pearl. So _that’s_ where she had seen Blue before, during class. She felt embarrassed for not recognizing her sooner.

“That does ring a bell. Wait, did you sit more towards the back?” Pearl asked.

“Y-yeah! It’s easier to get away with doing homework. Not that I slack off or anything! It was just a busy semester!” Blue waved both hands in front of her, flustered.

“Or easier to sleep. I did that a couple times in the past, in my rebellious phase,” Pearl decided to play it cool with Blue.

“Do don’t quite seem like the snoozing in class type. What I mean is, you typically sat up closer to the front.”

 _Only when I was able to get to class before Sheena._ The other woman always preferred to sit in the middle-back seats. “You’d be surprised,” Pearl leaned back and rested an arm in a _very_ cool way. “Sometimes I sit in the third or fourth row.”

 _“Nerd,”_ a whisper came from the front and giggled.

“There is nothing nerdy about slacking off,” Pearl said confusedly

“If you call that slacking off, then I’m a class delinquent,” Lapis replied before turning back around, getting distracted by a new song emitting from the car radio. “Peri I have to blast this out!” Lapis cranked up the volume, causing the blonde driver to wince at the sudden loudness.

Blue leaned towards Pearl slightly now that Lapis was no longer paying attention, “I don’t think you’re nerdy. I think you’re pretty cool actually.” Blue twirled a finger through her almost periwinkle-colored hair.

“At least someone here does,” Pearl chuckled. “And for the record, you’re pretty _cool_ yourself. You’ll have to show me how you use that camera of yours, when we get to the pink chalk cliffs.”

Blue’s eyes lit up, as if the camera never existed before until Pearl mentioned it. “I would be happy to! Oh boy where to begin, there’s so much about photography to show you, so many things to teach you…”

Blue went on a tangent, and Pearl realized she had just unwittingly devoted herself to Blue’s teachings for the next five days. The sudden spark of passion over a hobby was sort of cute though, which made Pearl all the more interested. The other girl began pointing at the different knobs and buttons on her camera, stating the names and what function or control they served. She went on about film verses digital, another deep interest of Blue’s. Pearl was amazed about how much really went into the art though a bit overwhelming to take in all at once.

Soon enough, the afternoon became evening, and from the distance the chalk cliffs were in view a few miles away. Even from that distance, they were more astounding and rich than Pearl could ever imagine. They would likely spend the rest of their day there, enjoying the beach, and waiting to watch the cliffs majestically turn different hues of pink during sunset. It was a national park for something.

Once they got to the parking lot, the four girls gathered their towels, keeping their clothes over their suits, being a tad colder outside than they would have preferred. Yet, it was still decently warm and the peach-tinted sand felt soothing between her toes.

And then, the last thought she wanted to dwell over reinserted itself in her mind.

_Rose…_

_Last time I was at a beach was with Rose, during sunset._ Pearl’s eyes began to water at the bitter memory. Rose confessed and spilled the truth out to Pearl, and even attempted to win back her affection by kissing her. But despite it being the wiser call in the situation, Pearl had run away a second time. And she was horrible it.

Pearl felt like crying, but from out of nowhere someone took her hand, pulling her out and away. “Come on, let’s go see the cliffs,” Blue said holding on to her camera bag from moving around too much, and running across the sand while dragging a stumbling Pearl.

"Alright, not so fast!” Thanks to Blue, Pearl warped back in the present. Leading the pink haired girl right to the very base of the cliffs, she only let go of Pearl’s hand when she needed to take out her camera.

From that close up, the detail in the cliffs was undeniably breathtaking. Photos or pictures did not come close to doing them justice. The highlights ranged from all sorts of pink tints, to the deep shadows which were dark magenta and even red. The exposed cliff appeared as smooth as a stone, but when Pearl went to brush her fingers over the surface, it easily crumbled, like chalk.

“They’re called chalk cliffs for something,” Blue giggled at her startled face.

“I know, I’ve read all about them, especially before this trip. I just didn’t expect them to be so…”

“So brittle?” Blue finished her sentence.

“Yes, exactly.” How could Blue have known what she was thinking?

Pearl went on, “Fascinating, how they were formed a million years ago. A species of prehistoric green algae evolved their genetics to have a red pigment, in order to adapt to the area’s high iron content. Eventually they would grow to absorb iron as well, and thrive in the soil. The chalkiness comes from the algae’s breakdown of that iron, over thousands of years. That species is extinct, but the pigment is still intact,” Pearl massaged a small chunk of dirt between her thumb and index finger, to feel the consistency.”

“Lapis was right, you are a nerd.”

“Was that talk about me being cool just a lie then?”

“I never said you weren’t cool,” Blue answered with a shy smile. “You can be both cool and a little nerdy. But it’s what makes you, _you_. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, may I take your picture next to the cliff?”

“Is this about my hair again?”

“…Yes.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Pearl moved to an exaggerated pose throwing back her head, which got another laugh from Blue. “Shoot away.”

After going through multiple iterations of the same shots and angles, Pearl suggested that they trade places. Based on Blue’s instructions, Pearl adjusted and worked her camera based on what she remembered in the car. It was actually quite fun, and Pearl wondered why she had never used a camera of this quality before, apart from the cost.

Nearby, there was an older couple walking towards them along the shore, whom Blue shyly waved to. “Excuse me, but would you mind taking a photo of us?”

The lady smiled, revealing wrinkles on top of wrinkles. “I’d be more than happy to for you girls.” Blue handed her the camera and then walked back over to the base.

“Portrait or landscape?” Questioned the old lady.

“Is one of both alright?” Blue asked back.

“Of course, I’ll take a few. Now, I’ll count to three before taking the shots.”

Pearl and Blue moved into the lens’ view before the count started. Seeing how the shorter girl seemed embarrassed to be so close, Pearl extended an arm out around Blue, who took the invitation to sink into her gesture and go in for a hug. Though the pink haired girl missed it, Blue’s entire face beamed.

After thanking the elderly couple for their help and taking the camera back, Pearl noticed something, or a lack of _someone’s_. “Blue, do you know where Peridot and Lapis went off to?”

Blue’s eyes became alert and scouted the beach. “N-no I don’t know where they went.” The duo was nowhere in view, slipping right from under their noses.

“I wonder why they ran off without letting us know,” Pearl questioned out loud, though she did have a hypothesis. If indeed their plot was to play matchmaker, naturally Peridot and Lapis would want their roommates to spend time together. Even if it meant disappearing for a bit would ensure their plan. Still, Blue seemed worried, and was gradually getting darker outside. It would be good for the four of them to reconvene and figure how much longer they wanted to stay at the cliffs. “Well I suppose the smart thing to do is find them.”

“Agreed,” Blue’s stomach growled loudly, and placed a hand on her stomach. “Sounds like its dinner time anyway.”

“You surprisingly eat a lot of food for being so thin,” Pearl remarked, but immediately regretted it afterwards. Normally people did not like to hear remarks or observations regarding their appearance.

Blue stammered, “I work out a lot, mostly running and cardio. Sometimes Lapis comes along with me, on the days I make her.”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way,” Pearl tried to redeem her previous wordage. “It’s a good thing. You’re probably hungry due to your exercising, and it’s a way your body recovers.”

“I guess. If you would like, you’re more than welcome to work out with me. Tonight, after settling in our motel, I was contemplating going for a run, if you wanted to join.”

Pearl hummed, “I am not sure how great of a runner I am, but perhaps you could help me with my form. Now, where are those two?” Pearl heaved herself up over a boulder and scouted the vicinity, with a hand shading her eyes from the sun.

The worrying started to kick in. Maybe something bad happened to Peridot and Lapis. Maybe they got lost or stuck, or even _kidnapped_. Or maybe they were intentionally hiding from them as a sort of prank. Any longer, and the prank would no longer be amusing.

“You can come out you two,” Pearl called out. There was no response, just looks her way from other visitors admiring the natural scenery. A gust of wind blew through her hair, almost knocking her down. Then Pearl felt a light tap on her leg.

“Hey, I think I found them,” Blue said quietly. Something was definitely going on.

Pearl followed Blue once again over a few tide pools, in silence this time. “Over there,” she pointed, making a _shhh sound._ Obeying, the pink haired girl strode towards a large, solo, pink rock formation on the beach. Before making her way around the lone formation, Blue put her hand on her shoulder.

“They’re having a moment.”

“Are they having a serious conversation right now?”

“No, um, they’re having a closer moment than that,” Blue said embarrassedly.

Pearl felt her cheeks heat up, tempted to go around the rock and snatch them from whatever they were doing. “We don’t have time to wait for them to do, well, whatever their doing. If we’re going to sleep in comfort tonight, we need to book the motel. Peridot said she found a good priced one but did not care to share the itinerary with us,” Pearl said with a hint of sarcasm. “Since I’m not sure what or where to book, I’m going to get them.”

“Pearl, wait!” Blue tried to stop her.

“Hey guys!”

Behind them both were Peridot and Lapis, holding hands. They must have heard their bickering.

“We were about to go search for you, but,” Peridot started.

“It looks like you found us instead,” Lapis finished.

“Have you booked the room yet?” Pearl asked Peridot worriedly. Pretending like she completely forgot they were having a moment minutes ago.

“Rooms,” the blonde corrected her roommate. “I couldn’t get a double bed room, they were already booked from the night before so it seems. I checked with a few other places, but they said the same thing. Seems like there’s a festival going on in town this weekend.”

“Which by the way, looks like a whole lot of fun. There will be a lot of seafood Blue, and lots of pink flavored things,” she tempted them.

“Pink is not a flavor Lapis,” Peridot pretended to sound annoyed.

“It will be after tonight,” she looked at Pearl.

“I might check it out for a bit, take some photos, and scout out free samples,” Blue agreed with their proposal, and then looked at Pearl, waiting for her reply.

Though Pearl was a little tired from their long day, this would be only one of many long days on their trip. She should enjoy as much of it as she could, while she was here. Plus, how could she deny Blue, the way the girl looked at her with hopeful periwinkle eyes?

“As long as we don’t stay out as late as Amethyst and Jasper do over the weekends, it sounds like fun to me.”

Establishing their plan, the four gathered their belongings and made their way back to the car half a mile away. The drive to the motel was not far. It turned out to be nicer than expected, with small, but well-kept rooms. Lapis suggested reconnecting in an hour, which would give them time to settle in, shower, or change before going out.

“Looks like you two will be in the room two doors down from ours,” Lapis pointed out to Pearl and Blue when walking up the outdoor stairs and handed them each a card key. “Don’t lose these kids.”

“Technically, I’m a bit older than you Lapis,” Blue reminded.

“Details, details.”

“Anyway,” Peridot arrived to their door before Pearl and Blue’s room, “Lapis and I are going to rest for a bit. We’ll see you in an hour.”

“Right,” Pearl agreed.

Once they entered their own room, Pearl dropped her bags on the reclining chair in the corner. _Of course they would get us a room with the single queen bed._

Blue seemed to notice this detail as well. “So, Pearl, how do you want to share our sleeping arrangement?” She plopped her own bags on the dresser.

“You can take the bed tonight, I’ll take the recliner over there.”

“Are you sure? You seemed a little more tired than me. I really don’t mind… sharing it…” She looked away so Pearl could not see her face.

“Only if you are alright with that. I could probably use a decent night sleep, and the recliner doesn’t appear the most comfortable or enjoyable.”

“Okay, um, cool,” she stammered. “If you don’t plan to, I think I’m going to use the shower. I’ll be in and out before you know it.”

“Go right ahead, I was planning on using it after the festival.”

Once Blue was in, Pearl began searching for a new change of clothes from her suitcase. She chose her dark blue high-waisted jeans, tucked in a light shirt, a loose gray sweater, and laced on her white sneakers. Casual, but still appropriate for the occasion. Once she had touched up her makeup, she went over to the bed, and plopped down on her back. She could feel her chest rise and fall as she took in a deep breath. Now she could finally relax for a bit.

Before she was able to drift into sleep, a vibration sound startled her. It was coming from her bag. That’s when it dawned on Pearl she only checked her phone once over the whole day. _It could be Sheena._

Though the notification came from an email, there was a text from Sheena, sent a few hours earlier. It was short but sweet, asking her how the trip was going, and how the next week was going to feel long without her.   

Pearl wanted to text back but did not know how to respond. Deciding to ignore it, she told herself she would text Sheena back later that night and resumed her nap.


	11. Festival

By the time her snooze alarm blared in her ear, it was already time to meet their friends. Blue already was out of the shower, had light makeup applied, and was changed into a new, cozier-looking outfit. Similar to Pearl, she wore high-waisted distressed jeans, rolled up at the ankles. The rest of her outfit consisted of a loose, black t-shirt, an olive jacket, and sandals. As Blue handed Pearl her small messenger bag, they made sure to lock the door behind them as they left.

Peridot was chatting with Lapis, as usual, both sporting free coffee provided by the hotel as a courtesy. Cynical as ever, Peridot said it tasted wrong and that the beans were burned in the roast. Lapis disagreed until the lingering bitter aftertaste settled on her taste buds.

“So much for that,” Peridot dumped the brewed drink into the bushes and tossed the cup in a recycling bin. “Wait, you’re not actually drinking that, are you Lazuli?”

“I’d rather drink horrible coffee than no coffee at all,” the Lapis winced while taking one large gulp.

“And I refuse to kiss you with that coffee breath,” Peridot mumbled to Lapis, embarrassed to flirt with her girlfriend in front of others.

“Unless you forget, or I sneak up on you,” Lapis winked.

Peridot shook her head and handed Lapis a piece of gum when no one was looking.

From the hotel, they walked to the town’s Main Street, where rows of tents were already set up and lights streamed above. The area smelled a little fishy and salty, but that was to be expected since the whole theme was focused on seafood and sea life. The festival extended to another crossing street, with tents and booths dedicated to local and professional artists.

For dinner, they decided on a giant order of fish and chips, as well as a sushi plate from another stand. From there, they took the food and sat at a long picnic bench, set up for the event. Despite Pearl’s anticipation, the meal was not too fishy or oily tasting, which was good. She could tolerate fish, but hated looking at caught ones in a market, with their beady eyes and awful smell. Taking a piece of breaded fish, Pearl made sure to eat all of it, to not appear rude like she was taught. That much seafood she could stomach. The sushi however, was beyond her taste palette.

From dinner, they hopped from stand to stand, picking many free samples off trays and tables along the way. By the time they reached the end of food stands, they were all completely stuffed. Out of the four, Blue was surprisingly still hungry, claiming she could go for seconds. The thought of more seafood made Pearl want to throw up. The oyster she had was surprisingly decent, but the scallop sample was definitely not sitting well with her at all.

It really was magical, how the whole street was lit up. Pearl had no idea the local towns along the coast held these kinds of extravagant events. There was something romantic about the atmosphere. There were hardly any children around being so late, but instead many groups of friends and even more couples. From the sloping street, the view of the ocean was dimly lit by the white paper lights above. Past the chatter of the locals, the oceans waves could be heard faintly. Like a dream.

Pearl was eager to admire the art featured at the festival, taking time to check out each tent and booth. The styles and mediums ranged dramatically, from wrought iron sculptures, to oil landscape paintings, to driftwood furniture. From the quality of work, Pearl deducted that the locals and towns living around the chalk cliffs highly regard art.

“Hey Pearl, you have to come see this over here!” Peridot called out to her from the tent across. She was bent down, with hands on both her knees, carefully observing a kinetic wooden sculpture. When Pearl was not going there fast enough, Peridot encouraged, “Look!”

“What the-“

“It’s entirely made out of wood! No bolts, screws, or anything. Isn’t it amazing how it can twist and bend in different directions? The engineering is phenomenal on this sculpture.”

Pearl easily saw why Peridot was so impressed. The piece had to have been made by a master of this craft. Most of the sculptures seemed to be of similar nature, except for a few odd abstract machines ones over in the corner.

“What are those?” Peridot pointed in the same direction Pearl was looking.

“I assume more sculptures, from the looks of it.”

“I know that smart aleck. I wonder what function they serve.”

“Those kinetic pieces are part of a series which I showed down in Beach City.” Both Pearl and Peridot were surprised to see a woman suddenly appear behind a foldable table. The seat was empty before they got there. She continued, “They don’t serve practical purposes. Instead they only dish out unexpected or uncomfortable situations.”

“How so?” Peridot apologized.

“This one for instance is a finger massager,” the artist went over to the first odd work. “The one next to it clicks all of its gears, until it reaches the last and loudest gear. But instead of it doing something audible at the end,” the lady demonstrated for them standing in front of the machine. A lever pushed out suddenly and hit her in the stomach. “It reacts physically and punches you.”

“Why would I need, or at the minimum, _want_ anything to punch me?” Peridot questioned her. Pearl was thinking the exact same thing but was not as brave as Peridot to say it out loud.

“The machine’s purpose exists for the observer or critic to decide.”

_That’s utterly pointless._

Peridot actually seemed to contemplate this. “Do you have a business card by chance?”

The strange woman suddenly seemed brighter. “I sure do,” and dug into her pockets. “Now where did I put them, ah, here you go!” She handed Peridot a slip of paper, or to be more accurate, a slip of wood with the words lightly burnt in. “If you need advice or anything more, let me know and I will be glad to help.” As if they were not there at all, she turned around and walked out of the tent. Pearl had no idea where she was going or for what reason.

“Well, that was _interesting_ ,” Pearl said to her housemate.

“Definitely,” Peridot agreed, although interpreting the word “interesting” in a much more positive light than Pearl intended. “I wish I could make physical machines that messed with people as a career.”

“All I’ll say is when you start your creative endeavors, don’t expect me to be your test subject,” Pearl responded.

“I thought that’s what friends were for.”

“Oh, there you are!”

Lapis and Blue waved them down, both holding bread bowls of clam chowder. “For a moment, I thought you two were lost,” she continued.

“Very funny Lazuli,” Peridot put a hand on her hip. “You could say it was the other way around when both of you to ditch us,” she feigned hurt.

“Sorry, that was my doing,” Blue piped up. “I got distracted and dragged her away.”

“Which reminds me, there’s something I want you to see over here,” Lapis out of the blue took her girlfriend’s hand, dragging her away in a hurry.

“Hey wait, where are you taking me?” The blonde exclaimed confused.

“You’ll _see_ ,” Pearl heard Lapis reply in a slight sing-song voice, and thought she saw a wink from the corner of the girl’s eye.

 _Very funny Lapis,_ Pearl thought to herself. _I know “what” you intend to show her._ She was no longer blind to this kind of thing.

“Say Pearl, while I was with Lapis I found something,” Blue started. From her bag, she pulled out a small, wooden, pale pink rose. “I thought it was pretty, and then I thought of you. I hope you’ll accept it,” she held the faux, artistically-crafted flower out and looked away, too embarrassed to look Pearl in the eyes.

Pearl took the gift, holding it by the stem with both hands, staring at it blankly.

_A rose._

_Rose…_

“If you don’t want it, I understand,” Blue began but stopped mid-sentence when she saw Pearl’s face. “Are you alright?”

Suddenly Pearl found that her eyes were glossed over, with small tears rolling down her soft cheeks. She did not say anything back.

“Pearl, what’s wrong?” Blue reached a hand out to touch Pearl, but stopped herself, afraid of how the other girl might react.

In actuality, an almost identical scenario played out when Pearl was dating Rose. On their first date, they went to an annual street fair at the beach where Rose bought a rose for Pearl on the pier. “A gift, from me to you,” Those words echoed in her memory. It was the first time Pearl received something that romantic, and the same moment she fell for Rose.

“It’s… nothing,” Pearl wiped her eyes one by one. “I’m just touched.” _Good save. I didn’t intend to make Blue feel uncomfortable._

Blue hesitantly went in for a brief hug. Probably out of pity, or something. “I really hoped you would like it.” Tilting her head slightly up at Pearl, she contemplated, “You do, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do. This is very lovely and sweet of you.” Pearl acknowledged, with a hint of pensiveness. For the rest of their outing, Pearl could not dislodge her thoughts of Amethyst’s mother, that woman, Rose.  
  


* * *

 

  
Returning to the motel later that night, Pearl dropped her things on the couch, carefully setting down her flower on the desk. Lapis informed the two that she and Peridot were going to talk at the beach and would be back in about an hour. Blue was down in the lobby grabbing a bottled water, leaving Pearl all by herself. Seizing the moment, Pearl grabbed a change of clothes from one of her bags and went to take a shower. After a long day, the steaming hot water falling down her skin felt fantastic. She scrubbed shampoo in her hair, which she had brought along for the trip. Once it was all rinsed out, Pearl turned around to face the shower head, and just stood there, water drops pelting her face

Rose refused to leave her head. Pearl pulled clumps of her short hair, as she massaged in the conditioner.

_Why do I still feel this way and thinking these things?_

That woman was no longer a part of her life. That Rose she used to know no longer existed, and she rejected succumbing to her idealistic picture of her. It was all fantasy. She needed to distract herself.

Frustrated and downhearted, she turned the shower nob off, wrapping a cheap hotel towel around her body. Once she pulled back the curtain, Pearl saw she was not alone and let out a yelp of surprise, almost slipping backwards.

Blue was there next to the sink in a cropped tank top and cotton shorts, just finishing brushing her teeth. When the blue haired girl saw Pearl half naked, her eyes got big and turned tomato red in the cheeks.

“I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed loudly. “I didn’t mean to invade, I was going to be really quick! I tried coming in quietly so you wouldn’t notice!” Blue stumbled to grab her things but her shaking fingers accidentally dropped them onto the floor. “I shouldn’t have barged in like that, I’ll leave!”

“I really don’t mind, it… It just caught me off-guard.” Pearl said while casually wringing the water from her short hair. Attempting to collect herself, she teased a little more exposed shoulder and back.

Blue gulped, completely flustered. “Please don’t think of me any differently, it’s not like that, I swear! I know we just met but I wasn’t trying to… Pearl?”

Walking over to Blue, Pearl felt the towel loosen slightly around her body. She moved towards the slightly shorter girl, the height difference now more comparable, until Blue’s back was against the counter. Pearl slid one of her legs between Blue’s own. One of Pearl’s hands was holding up her towel, the other perched on the counter’s edge, trapping the girl even more. Blue gave a shiver, as she looked in Pearl’s baby blue eyes.

Pearl released the hand holding up the towel, and it fell to their feet on the tile floor. Blue gave a small gasp, frozen in time, but could not pry her eyes away from Pearl’s chest. With her other hand, the taller girl took Blue’s left hand and guided it to feel her right breast.

She was gambling by making moves on Blue, but wanted to be certain.

“You want this, right?” Pearl checked, willing to take a bit of a risk. It was horrible timing that Blue had to appear when she was sexually frustrated over Rose. Being this assertive was not typically in her nature, but after being with Sheena, she wanted to try for herself.

The blue haired girl gulped, which caused her hand to slightly squeeze. “I…”

Her sentence was cut off when Pearl pressed in and gave her lips a light chaste kiss. Pearl’s guiding hand returned to Blue’s own, so it would not leave its position. Giving a light chuckle, she broke off the kiss to see how the periwinkle-eyed girl would respond

That must have been the girl’s tipping point, because a hand suddenly snaked around Pearl’s thin waist, and collided together. Their tongues massaged around each other in quick rhythm, and the girl’s thin hand began playing with Pearl’s small breast. Pearl’s perched hand moved down below Blue’s waist, feeling around the shape of her thinly clothed rear. Drawing away from her mouth, Pearl sucked on her lower lip one last time before moving down to her cheekbones.

Blue was completely trapped by Pearl’s hold and showed no signs of wanting it to stop. Pressing her thigh between Blue’s legs even firmer, caused the girl to give a more audible gasp. The steam from her shower latched on to their skin, and Pearl could feel the place between her thighs become tender and wet.

Sneaking her hand back around, Pearl played with the hem of Blue’s tank top, before creeping her fingers under and up the girl’s shirt. Before her fingertips reached the beginning of Blue’s chest, she said with a slightly cracking voice, admitting, “I’ve never done this before.”

“Do you want this to stop?”

“… No.”

Pearl continued to explore, now kissing her prominent collarbones. Blue gasped erratically, indicating Pearl had discovered a sensitive area. Pushing up her shirt slowly, she pushed her naked body against her in a grinding movement. After setting the article of clothing on the counter, Pearl’s mouth moved lower until her lips were placed on Blue’s pink nipple. Giving it a long suck produced a satisfying response from Blue, and she continued to play and toy with it using her mouth.

She continued this for a few minutes, paralleling the rising and falling of Blue’s similarly small chest. Pearl kissed down the flesh under Blue’s nipples, down her well-toned stomach and to the waist band of her shorts, reserving time for each area. The band fell just below her hip bones, which Pearl admired. Kissing at the very edge of the shorts, Pearl used her mouth to pull them down lower and lower.

Now just as naked as herself, Pearl could feel Blue’s hands running over and through her short hair. She wasn’t saying anything, just breathing heavily in and out to catch her breath, anticipating Pearl’s next move.

Feeling down her stomach to her legs once more, Pearl gracefully spread her thighs. Blue was clean shaven, tidy like herself, which would make what comes next much less messy. With her thin fingers, she opened Blue’s lips, pressed her tongue against the girl’s sensitive muscle, and flicked.

Giving a cry, Blue pulled Pearl’s short hair.

She began licking her tongue up and down, before provoking her more with a circular motion. Blue’s hips now grinded on her face, but she did not really care. Pulling away a hand, she stuck two fingers inside herself, so that they could both enjoy the moment.

“Pearl, I’m going to…” Blue grit her teeth. Taking that opportunity, Pearl transferred her two fingers directly from herself and into Blue. Stroking them all the way in and out in a rhythmic motion, her mouth continued to play with the other girl’s folds.

Lapping up an increased amount of fluids, the girl above her cried out in pleasure. Responding, Pearl significantly slowed down her movements. Apart from her own heartbeat, Blue was silent. This caused Pearl to worry, that she had hurt her.

But that was not so. Instead, Blue took both of Pearl’s hands and led them out of the bathroom to their bed. They embraced, falling on the mattress, and continued to kiss. Blue’s periwinkle eyes reflected street light trickling through the window.

After a little while longer of kissing, Pearl could tell Blue was beginning to tire out. Pearl got off the bed and went to gather their scattered clothes. Handing Blue her own, Pearl said, “You’ll probably want something to wear in bed, it’s supposed to be chilly tonight.”

Once again aware that they were both naked and Pearl was looking at her, Blue said a quiet “Thank you,” she adjusted to put her shirt and shorts back on, while a now-clothed Pearl climbed into the bed.

“Hey.” Blue’s voice sounded a tad clearer and more confident.

Pearl rolled around to face her, after turning off the desk light. “Yes?” Pearl spoke softly.

“I think you’re pretty.” Blue went in and kissed her first lightly on the lips, and then the nose. Wrapping an arm around her waist, Blue invited herself to cuddle up into Pearl, drifting soundly asleep.

Despite being tired, Pearl could not do the same. Not with their love-making imprinted into her head. Why had she done it? It was the first day they ever formally met, though Blue knew who Pearl was for a while now. Though it was enjoyable, she had done it on impulse and the knowledge that Blue really liked her.

Pearl had no doubt that Blue liked her, maybe even infatuated with her. It’s not like Blue, even Peridot or Lapis, were being very subtle about it. Her personality was sweet, and a little quirky. But the good kind of quirky. Running her fingers through the girl’s baby blue hair as she slept, her locks had a natural, slight wave to them. Could Pearl really have the same feelings for Blue?

That night, those thoughts repeated over in Pearl’s head, until she drifted off herself, forgetting to text Sheena back.


	12. Obsidian Lake Springs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploading two chapters today, since the next chapter leaves off at a better place.

Towards the end part of their trip, they finally made it to Obsidian Lake, another national park in Golden State. According to their tour guide, it used to be part of an ocean, and after that turned into a saltwater sea. It used to be teeming with life in prehistoric days, and the common fossils found in the sand was evidence of this statement. In the middle of the lake, stood an independent island. Surrounding them was a vast number of short pines, which gave them some opportunity to explore.

When they had settled into their shared, two-bed room, they changed clothes to go hiking. According to their tour guide from earlier, there were hot springs down a couple of the trails, scattering all around the park. They were not supposed to be on the trail at that time, for safety reasons. But they were all itching to soak in the hot, natural pool.

Lapis gave a whooping noise, “Alright, we have the place to ourselves!” Before they knew it, Lapis was stripping her clothes off, including her bathing suit.

“L-Lapis, what are you doing?” Peridot stuttered, startled.

“I’m skinny dipping, duh. The sign over there said nothing about clothing regulations in the pool, and it’s only us here. So, we can be as natural as we want. See, Gunther has already beaten us to it.”

Gunther was a small black dog Peridot and Lapis had found when they were wandering earlier. Her fur was matted, probably flea and tick infested, and needed some serious grooming. When Pearl first met her, she could not even tell what kind of animal it was, until Peridot explained the situation in simple terms.

“We are going to adopt her!”

It was their choice, though Pearl was not too thrilled about the prospect of being bitten by ticks. But they swore that night they would give her a good cleaning and take her to the closest veterinarian clinic the next day. Pearl did not think either of them had time to take care of a dog while attending college. But that was something they needed to figure out themselves.

Surprisingly, Blue was the next one to strip, following her roommate’s footsteps into the spring. As Blue stepped in the pool laughing, she looked so delicate and petite. It was cute. Sighing to herself, Pearl raised her arms, taking off her shirt. _Oh, what the hell…_

While she felt exposed while being naked out in the open, that soon changed after sinking into the water, no longer freezing in the cold air.

“This is nice,” Pearl sighed in relief, settling both arms around the ledge while leaning back. To the left of her, Blue hugged her legs up to her chest. Pearl was not self-conscious about her body, but wondered how she appeared to her friends physically.

Her roommate Peridot was the last to enter, and Pearl felt herself sneaking a longer glanced than planned. The blonde, though short, had a very proportionate body. Like Blue, every part of her was cute but mature at the same time. Pearl made herself look at Peridot’s face instead of her breasts.

“The water feels fantastic,” Lapis said with an equal amount of satisfaction, as she submerged down to engulf her neck.

“It really does. Wouldn’t it be nice if Beach City had hot springs?”

“Not really,” Peridot said pessimistically. “All the horny teenagers would ruin it for everyone.” Immediately after she said her opinion, she found a discarded tea candle and tossed it behind her in the woods. “I wonder what this is doing here.”

“It’s probably from one of those horny teenagers who forgot to pick up after themselves.”

Despite the warmth of the pool, Peridot’s face flushed white with embarrassment. It was endearing how the blonde became so flustered sometimes.

Blue was noticeably more silent than usual but smiling, as she sat next to Pearl. Occasionally, she found Blue giving her brief glances, and not always while Pearl was talking. This made her feel distracted and a bit self-conscious than anything.

Peridot and Lapis left rather suddenly, after an hour of soaking in the spring. Peridot’s girlfriend attempted to dive down the pool and try touching the bottom. But when she resurfaced, she claimed she must have dove twelve feet without hitting the floor, and was silent then on afterwards. Pearl observed Lapis nervously play with her hands and crease her forehead. The blue haired girl’s eyes began to droop.

“Hey, I’m starting to feel a bit sick,” Lapis interrupted their conversation about nothing particularly important.

“Hang on, I’ve got you!” Without losing a split second, Peridot jumped out of the pool, giving her girlfriend both hands to pull her out. Wrapping Lapis back in her clothes, they said an apologetic “bye” taking the trail to their hotel room.

 _She’s so attentive,_ Pearl thought.

When she was with Rose, she was never as in-tune or vigilant. The Rose she used to know was warmhearted and enigmatic, but was somewhat absentminded, not always aware of the happenings around her. Sheena was swifter that way when responding to calls to action, though Pearl was not certain if the punk girl cared about her. She found herself envying Lapis for the relationship she had with Peridot.

Now It was just her and Blue, together, alone, in a hot spring. At least, Pearl wanted to believe there were no other people around.  

“Have you ever seen Lapis like that before?” Pearl asked Blue, once their roommates were out of earshot.

“Only occasionally,” she began but stopped there.

“Do you think she needs medical attention? Lapis looked like she was almost about to stop breathing completely and pass out.” Pearl did not ask regarding Lapis’ well-being, but because she was simply curious.

“She’ll be fine, if Peridot is with her. This sometimes happens to Lapis if she’s in cramped, dark spaces.”

Pearl did not let it go. “After taking the dive, she did a complete one-eighty. It’s kind of making me curious to see what it’s like down there.”

“I’m sure she just felt claustrophobic and ran out of breath,” Blue reasoned.

“Well I might as well check it out. It’s not every day you can go diving in a hot spring,” Pearl chuckled, and stretched her fingers out in preparation.

“Be careful, don’t push yourself if it really is that deep,” Blue wished her luck.

“Don’t worry I won’t _drown_.”

Jumping in pencil style, she expected her feet to hit some sort of ground, despite Lapis’ claim. Instead of wasting all her energy swimming, she allowed herself to release some oxygen and sink down. The pool was wide enough so that she could do a bit of adjusting and maneuvering around, to swim down more efficiently. She was losing air, she was good at holding her breath for long periods of time, so it was not a reason for her to unnecessarily panic.

The walls of the spring felt smoother, from perhaps centuries of refinement, as they guided her down in one direction. Every moment she expected to hit the bottom, the tunnel continued.

_Is there ever an end to this narrow tunnel?_

A glint below her caught Pearl’s eye after she sank a few more feet. Was it the bottom? Was she almost there? Wondering what had caught her eye, she guessed it was possibly some lost jewelry or trash. She was starting to crave air, but she was determined to finish her goal.

_Just a little farther down, and I will have made it._

Her eyes were blurry from the dark water obscuring her vision, but the glittering became brighter and brighter. Pearl stretched her hand out towards the light, her fingers ready to grasp whatever was in front of her.

Faster than a snake, she retracted her arm and held it with her other hand. Completely in shock she covered her mouth with wide eyes, desperate not to lose any more air than necessary.

Floating around the fossil-filled sandy floor, was a large, sharp, and stained knife.

And Pearl had almost made the mistake of grabbing the blade with her bare hand.

She swam as fast as her feet could kick and arms could move.

 _Was that what Lapis saw?_ Had she made it all the way down, only to find the same object Lapis did? Pearl wondered if she should tell Blue of her discovery. As Pearl resurfaced, she decided against the notion. She did not want to trouble or frighten her friend.

“Are you alright? Did you make it?” Blue pulled over Pearl’s bare, gasping body to the ledge.

“It was… There was nothing to see, really. Only more fossils, similar to what’s around the lake. There was nothing worth seeing,” Pearl repeated as she panted, regaining her breath. Inside her chest, her heart pounded loud and hard. She was certain Blue could feel this as the other girl had a firm grip on her waist. “Lapis wasn’t kidding when she said the dive was deep.”

Instead of letting her go, Blue’s grip grew tighter.

“Um, Blue are you alright?” She had been silent for most of time the four of them arrived at the springs. No, even before that, when they arrived at their hotel room.

“Pearl, I need to ask you something serious,” the girl stuttered.

 _Uh oh. That doesn’t sound too good._ Pearl patted Blue’s naked back with her hand, as her chest pressed firmer against her own. “You can ask me anything.”

“Do you like me? You know, _interested_ in me, in that way?” She looked up at Pearl with big, hopeful eyes.

“Why do you ask?” A drop of water or perhaps sweat slid down the back of her neck.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

It was apparent.

Pearl hated the idea of rejecting Blue. From what she could tell, at least from their short time spent on the trip, Blue was sensitive towards the people she cared for. Admittedly, she had acted audacious and impulsive the night before, when Blue caught her off-guard in the shower. She regretted giving in to… suppressed urges, without thinking through consequences beforehand.

Depending on which direction their conversation took, Pearl additionally needed to consider both Sheena and shaky history with Rose. Blue was a good person, as far as she perceived. Pearl wanted to return the girl’s unabashedly open feelings for her, ignoring her internal dilemma. But with her current situation, was it truly an option she had the right to possess?

“I find you very pretty, kind, and mindful. Those are all attractive qualities,” Pearl decided to say, complimenting her

The blue haired girl’s embrace around Pearl became lighter, still reluctant on separating. “When we, um, did things the other night, was it because you thought I was pretty or because you like me?”

“Anyone would be crazy not to like you. I don’t think there is one thing not to like about you Blue.”

She knew Blue would perceive the answer as beating around the bush, and Pearl felt bad about it. However, she did not want to make any big decisions on impulse.

Despite Rose now out of her life, loving anyone to the same degree would be impossible. But that did not mean she wanted to be alone. And here was Blue in her arms, pursuing Pearl’s affection.

Would not denying Blue also mean obstructing herself from any chance of further healing? Regardless if she was single or not, she had to move on.

Pearl felt a thick taste of disgust well within her throat.

“I do like you,” Pearl said with a smile.

Taking her time, Blue raised her head and planted her lips on Pearl’s own. “You’re terrible at expressing your feelings. I need to know how you truly feel towards me.”

Blue did not break the kiss. It was warm and chaste, like the moment she would come back home on a freezing winter day and take a first sip of hot tea.

Why did it have to feel this good? Despite her wavering and underlying guilt, Pearl did not want it to cease.

 _That_ was horrible. Or horribly good?

“Do you like me in this way?” Blue already had her hand on top of Pearl’s breast. She had no clue when it moved there in the first place.

“I don’t think we-“

Blue’s lips shut her up before Pearl could express any further. Bringing her shorter arms up around Pearl, she delicately said, “More.”

Apparently, Blue was quick to learn from others and her experiences. Pearl felt Blue release an arm around her neck, allowing it to stroke her hair and massage her chest. With that same caressing hand, Pearl was fully aware of it moving lower and around her front.

Joining their fingers together, Blue guided both of their hands all the way down and began to tease Pearl’s other lips. At her own panting, the hand behind her head firmly grasped a handful of pink hair.

To say Pearl did not expect this from Blue was an understatement. Somehow, this out-of-nowhere assertiveness turned her on profoundly.

Both bodies sank back into the water while Blue created a trail of pink down Pearl’s neck and increased the pressure of their fingers. Pearl hoped Blue was not biting too much, since doing so would leave suspicious and questionable after marks. Pearl wanted nothing more than that mouth to move down in between her legs.

Imagining that fantasy caused her to shiver rather than reacting to the cold air. Once her lower half began to desperately cry for more, Pearl flipped their positions, forcing Blue between the soft ledge and her own body. Pearl’s knee migrated in between Blue’s, evoking an instinctive yet sweet moan from the shorter girl. Rubbing Blue’s valley, Pearl used both the smoothed stones and her hands to support their position.

There was something she wanted to try, though there was some considered risk to the action. Submerging her head, followed by the rest of her body, Pearl spread the girl’s legs. Truthfully, Pearl was unsure if this was how it was supposed to work at all. There was a chance it could turn things awkward for the both of them. There was also a possibility of her drowning, but while they were both here Pearl wanted to try something new. She hoped Blue would be open as well.

In between giving Blue stimulation, Pearl surfaced for air while alternating mouth and fingers. Desperate for air. Trying not to purposefully hold Pearl’s head down, Blue clung to the ledge rocks.

Above the water, the pink haired girl heard Blue emit long moans, proof of their time seemingly having an effect.

“Oh my stars, this feels so good,” Pearl heard her gasp above water.

Becoming too light-headed Pearl had to resurface again, and just in time. Blue raised herself a little more out of the water, so now only her legs dangled in the pool.

Her full body beginning to twitch, Blue moaned, “I’m-I’m about to…”

To make the pleasure’s intensity, Pearl plunged her two fingers back inside Blue while using a thumb to create more pressure. Blue arched her back, and moved her arms whatever way she could around Pearl in a tight embrace, forcing fingers up as far as they could go.

Doing her best to not be overly audible, she gave a loud sob as she finished. Gasping for air, she fervently kissed Pearl in exhaustion and satisfaction, and leaned back holding Pearl’s body on top of her.

“Wow.”

“Was it too much? I might have got a bit carried away,” Pearl admitted.

“No, it felt nice.”

“Just nice?”

Blue reddened in the cheeks, and not from being in the hot pool. “Okay, it was pretty great!”

Pearl smiled, giving Blue a kiss on her left cheek. “It’s getting late, we should head back before our roommates think we lost our way.”

Blue replied in agreement, and they moved up and out of the hot spring and into the chilled ground. Now that the sun had just set, the air had a cold bite to it. Drying off with their towels helped putting back on their hiking clothes. It was going to be a bit of a trek, but the trail would head back to the lodge on a downwards incline, making their way back quicker.

They walked in silence for a bit, apart from their shoes squeaking from their wet feet. The comical sound broke any awkwardness in the air, and Blue giggled. Before they knew it, they were both laughing and making their steps rhythmically.

Pearl felt Blue’s periwinkle eyes, full of love, admire her.

“You’re pretty amazing Pearl.”

Pearl could not process those words.


	13. Talks and Threats

Later that evening when they arrived back at their suite, Pearl found the place still empty.

“Lapis and Peridot must have not come back,” Blue pointed out the lack of shuffled belongings. If they had returned, they would have wanted to perhaps shower or change into clean clothes. “Do you think they’re alright?”

“They likely just went for a midnight stroll. You know how they are,” Pearl said to reassure her.

“It’s only ten thirty.”

“It was a figure of speech, though it sure feels later than that, doesn’t it?” Peeking through the suite’s curtains, it appeared pitch black past the glass, reflecting the rooms light like a mirror. “I’m sure they’re just taking their time to hang out at the beach. If anything happened they would have called,” Pearl waved her cell phone at Blue.

“You have a point there,” Blue suddenly began stripping off her clothes, and putting them in a plastic bag. She continued, “After that hike, I really need to shower.”

“Perhaps we should conserve a bit of water?” Pearl took the initiative of taking off her own top. 

Blue took a second to consider the pink haired girl’s offer. “It’s might be best if you stick out here, in case they return.”

“I suppose that’s reasonable.” In fact, it sounded like something she normally would have said herself. Why had she not?

“I’ll be sure to be quick and save you some hot water,” Blue said, closing the door.

“Take all the time you need!”

Sighing, Pearl took off her shoes and socks, leaving them by the front door. Because of the long hike, the back of her ankle reverted to its swollen state and would be aching the next day. She sat down on the bed closest to the bathroom and opened the photo gallery on her phone. She studied every photo she had of her and Blue from the trip. They had taken quite a few together. Sheena was not the type to take many selfies or pictures in general either, though they did have a couple Pearl really liked.

Scrolling past the photos from the trip, Pearl went all the way back to the few photos she did have of her and Rose. There were only a few, but Pearl had treasured those images. If she were to move on, the next logical step would be to delete them. Toying with the idea on several occasions, she struggled many times to hit the trash button, telling herself she would eventually forget their existence. This was a lie of course, and she never did.

“Will I never bring myself to forget you?” Pearl whispered to herself, staring at her favorite photo of her and Rose when they attended a Pride festival. They both looked so happy, with not a care in the world. Rose had an arm around Pearl’s waist holding her close. They looked as normal as any other couple and like they were meant for each other.

Pearl’s thumb hovered over the trash icon. Just millimeters away from pressing the button, the pink haired girl closed her eyes. No. She could not do it, not even when she began seeing Sheena, and not now with Blue.

“Alright, the shower’s all yours,” Blue interrupted, emerging out with a white towel and looked around the room. “They’re not back yet?”

Quickly shutting her phone Pearl stood up, ready to feel clean again. “No, not yet.”

“I’m going to text Lapis and see if they made it from the trail.”

“Good idea. I’ll leave the door unlocked in case you need anything.”

Once she stepped in the tub and closed the shower curtain, Pearl turned the knob immediately to shower her with warm water. Not realizing how gross she felt until she stripped everything off, she was thankful to Blue for taking a fast shower. After washing and conditioning her hair, Pearl opened a suite-provided razor and began to shave. She was thankful that, genetically, she did not have much body hair to begin with. But the smoothness of her own skin made her feel clean.

After freshening up some more, she turned off the shower knob and wrapped the last bathroom towel around her thin frame. Steam billowed out in a giant cloud into the room once the door was open.

“After you change, come watch TV with me if you’d like.” Laying on top of their bed with her laptop, she pat the space on the bed next to her, inviting Pearl to join.

Eager to get under warm sheets, Pearl threw on jogger sweats and a black t-shirt, and joined Blue, leaning against her.

“What are you watching?”

“Some indie drama on TubeTube. I’m not entirely sure myself. But it received good reviews from critics, so I decided to give it a shot.”

Each episode was fifteen minutes in length, but seemed longer. It was about a teenage group of friends living in a small suburban town in the nineties. It appeared to be a comedic slice of life kind of show at first, but took a sharp turn in mood when one of the characters spoke something rather sinister.

“Is this a horror show?” Pearl asked, not being completely enthralled at the idea of nightmares that night.

“Yes, it was praised mostly for its suspense factor.”

“You don’t seem like the type to be into horror.”

“Only if the show or film is done correctly. I find it more intriguing than regular slice of life shows or dramas.”

As two more episodes passed by, the show was thoroughly creeping her out. At the same moment the happy-go-lucky supporting character gave a “surprise birthday present” to the protagonist, the the front door of the hotel suite creaked and opened. Blue nearly jumped out of the bed in surprise. 

Peridot walked in alone, and the two girls paused the show as their friend silently took off her shoes with no greeting.

“Hey Peridot! Where’s Lapis and Gunther?” Pearl asked curiously.

“When they come back as well, you both need to watch this show with us. Blue introduced it to me, and it’s actually pretty funny,” Blue said. Pearl guessed Blue wanted reactions from both Peridot and Lapis realizing it was not actually the comedy it pretended to be.

“Maybe in a second,” Peridot muttered, concealing her face as she headed to the bathroom.

Lapis and Gunther were gone, and Peridot came back alone. And Peridot was not behaving quite like herself. Pearl called, “Hold on. Wait a moment.”

Though she stopped in her place, Peridot did not turn around.

“Where did Lapis go?” Pearl continued, moving out of the bed and toward her roommate. “Did something happen?”

“Lapis, she… I really don’t know,” Pearl could now see Peridot was attempting to hide a stained face. Under her eyes, black eyeliner and mascara smudged down, giving her dark bags. Red and bloodshot, there were tears in her eyes. “She wants to be alone. Away from me.” Peridot’s sniffed and her voice grew small.

Hurriedly, Pearl took a washcloth from the sink and wet it, as well as grab a makeup remover wipe. Blue sat next to Peridot at the foot of the bed, giving them a little space in between.

“Did you two get into an argument?” Pearl asked while she wrung out the cloth over the sink.

“I don’t understand. Once we got to the lake, she was visibly upset and I tried comforting her. She said she didn’t want to burden me anymore. What does this mean Pearl? Is Lapis breaking up with me?” Peridot sobbed.

“I, well-” Pearl started to speak, handing over the wipes, but her housemate grabbed her arms.

“What if she never really liked me to begin with? Did she just go out with me because she pitied me? Maybe I was never the right person for her.” Pearl hurt for her friend. Peridot did not deserve this from Lapis. She definitely knew what those feelings were like, they still ate at her own heart.

Embracing Peridot into her arms, she held her friend as she choked out tears. “I don’t know all the details of the argument or what happened. But I understand what Lapis might be feeling, as well as you. With that said, she still had no right to hurt you like that.” If this drama from Lapis was caused by what she _thought_ , she would need to talk with her alone.

Pearl lightened the hug when Blue’s voice came up. “I don’t enjoy sharing these kinds of details, not without Lapis’ permission. However, in this case I think you should know. You may not have seen Lapis like this that much, or at all. My roommate deals with frequent anxiety and panic attacks. Lapis does everything in her power to hide it from everyone, especially you. It’s likely she’s embarrassed by it and doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I can tell you that what she’s feeling is not due to anything you’ve done, I promise.”

“Why didn’t she tell me sooner?” Peridot snuffled. “She’s not any different because of it.”

“I love my roommate, but she is a private person. You probably know more about that than I do,” Blue sighed. “Though she appears to wear her heart on her sleeve, she keeps most things to herself. It’s not just from you, and I’m not sure how healthy that can be. What I do know for certain, is that she thinks the world of you, and trusts you deeply. She’s told me herself.”

Blue’s pep-talk calmed her roommate only slightly, so that she exited her hysterics. Peridot weaved her fingers through her own hair, gripping it. “I don’t know what to, how to, react or navigate our relationship. I don’t even know what I’m doing here, why I’m not with her now. How could I just leave her like that with no effort, knowing she was having a breakdown? I told her we would work through things together, and I failed her.”

“You did not fail her whatsoever,” Blue placed a hand on Peridot’s shoulder. “It’s going to take her a little time for her to open up with everything. But if you continue to support each other, I have no doubt everything will work itself out.”

Still, that was no reason to brush off Peridot like the way Lapis did. Not after how much Peridot cared and looked out for her. Pearl saw how her roommate defended her girlfriend when creepy men made unwanted advances. Hell, she covered the entire cost for the suite and almost all the gas on their road trip. She would have never acted this way if she didn’t care for her Lapis.

Pearl thought she was growing comfortable with Peridot and Lapis together, especially during this trip. But those doubts about her roommate’s relationship began to creep forth once more. Peridot deserved better than Lapis, it was clear now.

“If you are okay with me doing so, Peridot, I’m going to go find Lapis and talk to her,” Pearl blurted, not sure what came over herself.

“Huh? Why?”

“I think I will be able to relate somewhat with her. Sometimes it helps talking to more of an acquaintance friend first,” Pearl made up. “But I don’t want to cross any lines you may have,” she added quickly.

“I don’t know if that’s a smart idea. Lapis seemed like she really wanted to be left alone.”

“Either way,” Pearl slipped on her tennis shoes and a bomber jacket, “I need to get some fresh air. If I do happen to run into her, I’ll talk with her.” There was no doubt she was going to find Lapis and convince her to apologize.

“Wait, Pearl! Before you go, tell me honestly.” Peridot looked both at her and Blue. “Do you think I did anything to upset her? I want to make sure I never repeat anything I may have said or done.”

“Not that I know of. That’s why I’m leaving to find out,” Pearl replied.

Blue added, “Don’t feel bad about this. I promise, this is not about anything you’ve done.”

The last words Pearl heard Peridot say as she stepped outside in the cold was, “Anything I’ve done…”

Once the door shut, Pearl immediately shivered from the cold. It was minutes to midnight and was as chilly as it was going to get. Anyone outside at this hour was either partying, could not sleep, or just plain crazy. The wood steps made a creaking and hollow sound as Pearl walked down the stairs. The scent of pine trees and the forest wafted gently. It was a pristine smell, and she took a deep breath. Walking down the main paved trail, Pearl wondered how was she going to find Lapis?

Peridot mentioned something about going down to the lake with Lapis. That might give her a start.

Her assumption was correct. It was not that hard to find her. Sitting on a driftwood log by the edge of the lake, Lapis was holding Gunther in her arms, staring at nothing in particular. She was thankfully the only person in the area.

“There you are,” Pearl called out when she was close enough for Lapis to hear. “We were all worried you might have gotten lost.”

“Are you here to tell me what a terrible girlfriend I’ve been?” Lapis grumbled. “Because I already know that.”

This was going to be difficult.

“Mind if I take a seat with you?” Pearl asked, indicating towards the log.

In response, Lapis scooted over, not saying a word. She breathed slowly.

“We were worried when you didn’t arrive with Peridot. She only told us you two got into a difficult discussion, but looked upset. Did any of it had to do with her?”

Sighing, Lapis said glumly, “Not really. It’s my own problem. She doesn’t need to deal with me like this. And this isn’t your concern either.”

“Well, based on how Peridot was crying back in the suite, it seems to be her problem now too,” Pearl said bluntly. “And any problem of my friends becomes mine as well.”

“I didn’t mean for her to cry,” Lapis bent over and placed a hand over her eyes, still holding Gunther in her lap. “I’ve already put her through so much with my family drama, and it hasn’t been long at all since we started our relationship. One day she’s going to become exhausted of me and decide to leave.”

“She’s _obviously_ not going to do that,” Pearl reassured in a collected manner. “I know Peridot’s also dealing with her own unique issues. It’s possible she feels the same way; that you are simply putting up with _her_.”

“This is a mess. I’m a mess. If she knew to the full extent how much-“

“No, this is completely a big misunderstanding that could be resolved if you just talk to one another,” Pearl said with a hint of impatience. Apart from talking to Lapis, she was also subconsciously speaking to her own self. “From the duration we’ve known each other, Peridot is a wonderful, supportive friend. She’s not the type of person to drop someone because of the situation or issues they are dealing with. That’s not in her nature.”

Even through the household drama, Peridot remained her friend, even after her dark secret regarding Amethyst's mother came to light. The blonde listened and never berated her for those feelings, even knowing how it involved their roommate. She offered what she could give as a friend, and both Pearl and Amethyst pushed her away. If she deserved anything, it was communication from her girlfriend.

“I just don’t know how to shake this.” Ironically, Lapis’ hands holding Gunther were shaking. “It’s overwhelming.”

“You saw something, didn't you?”

“Excuse me?” It was the first time that whole night Lapis looked at Pearl.

“After you dove down the spring, you said there was nothing to see, that you never made it to the bottom. But you made that up, right?”

Lapis glared, clearly upset. “ _No_ , it was nothing!”

The lie was clear.

“Then I _suppose_ you have a thicker skin than me. At least, what I found at the bottom of the pool terrified me.” Pearl took out her vape and let out a slow, thick cloud, away from their faces.

Lapis’ eyes welled up with tears. “I didn’t want to freak Peridot out, or the rest of you. It reminded me of something… and down there literally breathless… I was scared,” the blue haired girl shook.

Whatever experience the blue haired girl was referring to, it clearly impacted her, possibly being the root of her anxiety. Perhaps there was more to Lapis than she thought or saw on the surface. And maybe more than what Peridot knew, or would care to know.

“Back at the suite she was practically hyperventilating at the idea that she might have said or done something hurtful. She thinks you plan on breaking up with her.” Pearl _might_ have exaggerated a bit. Seeing how sad Peridot was, and despite how distressed Lapis was, Pearl wanted to make Lapis feel a tiny bit guilty over her actions.

Standing up first, Pearl held out a hand, “Let’s go back Lapis.” The violet eyed girl accepted and they took the path back.

“I told her I just needed space. I didn’t want her to see me like this, not on this trip when we’re all supposed to be having fun,” Lapis sniffed.

“Life isn’t always fun. It’s unfair to push your girlfriend away like that, without reassurance that nothing is her fault anyway. I care about my friend’s well-being, and better be it for you both to talk everything out than cast each other aside.” From what Blue revealed back at their suite, Pearl was aware of Lapis’ panic and anxiety attacks, so she worded her verbiage carefully. It was important for Lapis to let her girlfriend know, so she could support her in any way she needed.

“I’m not casting her aside… you… you don’t understand!”

Perhaps Pearl did not understand Lapis’ relationship, emotions, and even past. She was in the dark about Lapis’ personal issues. Just like how Lapis knew nothing about her. 

_But Peridot has already been hurt by my own hands, along with Amy, and who knows who else. I’m not going to allow Lapis to hurt her like this, now or in the future._

Pearl walked in front of Lapis, until she was within her space bubble and faces almost touching.

She snapped.

“Right now, I don’t care if I understand or not. A dear friend of mine has been hurt way too often, and I mean to protect her. You better apologize, and make sure to support her as she supports you. If not, I will personally see that you’re crying as much as Peridot is now. Are we clear?”

Pearl nearly gave herself a heart attack, by her own shocking change of tone.

Did she really just threaten Lapis? Since Rose, Pearl had not cared for anyone or anything else this fiercely, even herself. So why was she making a huge deal about Peridot, and a relationship that was not her own? Like Lapis said, none of this was her concern or problem to begin with.

Lapis lowered her voice in turn. “I didn’t mean to hurt her or come across selfish. I’m not used to sharing these emotions with anyone. She… and I both are seeing separate counselors to work issues out. Peridot and I have talked it over and agreed to it. She has to understand where I’m at.”

Pearl placed a hand steadfastly on Lapis’ shoulder. “Go make sure she understands your intentions then. Last time I checked, she was muttering nonsense like you were planning on ending your relationship,” Pearl reminded.

“She can’t really believe…” Lapis grabbed her head with both hands. “No, if she had been the one to tell me what I said to her, I would be anticipating a breakup and planning for the aftermath. Oh stars, I need to get back now!”

Pearl dug out a tissue from her messenger bag. “I apologize for getting a little intense just now. I got a bit carried away, and probably made several outlandish assumptions. It was not my place,” Pearl tried to recover.

Lapis thought for a moment, “Pearl.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t tell Peridot, or Blue, of what you saw earlier or of this conversation. What we both saw in the bottom of that spring… it’s better if we keep it to ourselves. I doubt you told them about it.”

“I did not, for the same reason as you,” Pearl confirmed. “I didn’t want to unnecessarily freak Blue out or corrupt her dreams for the rest of the night. But after that show we watched back in the room, she seems to like horror anyway.”

“But I guess you don’t have a problem corrupting her in other ways?” Lapis had her back towards Pearl now.

“ _Excuse me_?”

_What did Lapis just say to me?_

“It’s obvious, I know you guys have hooked up already,” Lapis brushed it off nonchalantly, with a wave of her hand. Gunther, oblivious to their serious conversation, tried to jump at the tan girl’s hand motion to gain affection. “I don’t even need to talk to Blue. It’s pretty clear, the way you two interact and touch each other. Before leaving Beach City, Peridot and I placed a bet whether you two would actually become a thing over this trip. You’re not the subtlest person, Pearl”

“You would place bets on us behind our backs?” _What the hell?_

“Yes, and so far, Peridot owes me twenty bucks. Cynic,” Lapis chuckled, though it did not reflect the atmosphere of their talk.

“I’m not exactly comfortable with my friends gambling over my love life.”

“Don’t forget Blue’s as well. With that being said, it was a close call. Peridot secretly wants you two to get together as well, but she wasn’t sure because of some pink haired girl you’ve been seeing lately. Or so she mentioned.”

_Rose._

_Oh. NO. Did Peridot tell Lapis about Rose?!_

“It’s a long story. I’m not sure-” Pearl was not acting exactly “cool” anymore.

“Sheena, I think that’s her name. She seems… decent,” Lapis continued, ignoring everything Pearl just said.

_Oh. She just meant Sheena._

_Wait a second…_

“Er, yes. It’s complicated situation with her. You see, she likes me and-“

Lapis twisted around, grabbing a tight fistful of Pearl’s black t-shirt. Her blue eyes aflame with fury.

“You better not fuck around with _my_ roommate, you hear? I’ve seen how you look at her. I know how you’ve been seeing other girls, which I highly doubt you plan on telling her about. If you think about leading her on and tossing her aside for this Sheena or any other woman, you will have a lot more to worry about than when your next fuck will be. Got it?”

If Pearl was shocking when angry, Lapis was completely terrifying.

Lapis let go of Pearl’s shirt, giving it a pat on her chest, brushing upon her breast. “I guess we should call it even now,” she said happily, though the change in tone was blatantly superficial. “With that said, don’t continue hooking up with her if it’s only for your convenience. I don’t want to lose twenty bucks Peridot,” Lapis said almost humorously, before they approached the door to their suite.

_Yep, she definitely did not like Lapis. Peridot deserved better._

Just as Lapis slid her key card into the lock, Peridot was standing right in front of them with a jacket on, appearing as if about to go outside. The blonde was just as startled as her girlfriend at the collision.

“Y-you’re back!” Peridot stammered.

“Peridot,” Lapis began almost in a whisper, and surprisingly engulfed her in her arms. “My dear, I’m so sorry for what I said earlier. I realize now it wasn’t fair of me to treat you like that. I hope you can forgive me.”

Peridot did not move away but held her even closer. “I think we should talk about it.”

Lapis nodded. “Let’s go back to the beach and redo that scene. Actually, let’s talk about what happened. That sounds like a better option.”

Everything uttering out of Lapis’ mouth now seemed scripted and fake.

Leaving them with the extra key, Peridot shut the door behind her as the two girls left their roommates behind once again in the suite.

Pearl was extra eager to get rid of them both. At the moment she really did not want to be around Lapis.

“Is something the matter?” Blue asked as Pearl hurried to put on night clothes and wrap herself in the sheets.

“Nothing! It’s nothing.”

“If you say so,” Blue hummed as she shut her eyes.

It was not just _nothing._ Lapis exposed Pearl completely when they were alone. And how could Lapis know about Sheena in the first place? It was possible she went through her friends lists on social media, or even asked around for Blue. It still did not answer the question of how she was so certain of their casual relationship. But it was certain she had to decide about Blue.

Should she make the call and ask Blue out officially, even though they just met a couple days ago? Would that be moving things too fast? Perhaps she did not need to be over Rose entirely to start a relationship. So far, she was casually dating around and having no strings attached hookups. When it came to Rose, doing those things did not matter. But taking Lapis’ words and agreeing to the next step, a relationship, would mean additional pressure for her to forget Rose entirely. Pearl knew in her heart she could never forget her first love, whose heart she broke twice.

She did not want to hurt Blue, nor Sheena. But she knew she would not be able to make them both happy.

If she asked Blue to be her girlfriend, how would it affect the relationship between her and Sheena? Blue did not seem like the polyamorous type, and Pearl did not think she was herself either. If she and Blue became a couple, she would have to stop seeing Sheena altogether. Though she knew it was best to end her fling with Sheena either way, that thought freaked her out. Pearl came to realize that Sheena who, in a crude and sad sense, was the closest thing she had left of Rose.

A small tug around her waist made Pearl take a deep breath. Blue was cuddled up next to her innocently. Until she put a leg between Pearls’.

“Is this alright?” Blue asked, waiting for her consent.

Pearl, hugged Blue and pulled her closer on top of her chest. Lightly, she gave Blue a kiss on her forehead.

“I have something to ask you,” wiping away a strand of blue hair, Pearl saw her periwinkle eyes now a deep gray.

“And what is that?”

Taking a deep breath, the pink haired girl went for it. “I’ve been thinking about your question earlier, about us. I want to know, if you’re willing to be that is, if would you like to be a couple. I realize this is rather rushed, as we’ve just known each other for a couple days, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You’re _seriously_ asking me right now?”

“Ah sorry, I was speaking my thoughts too soon,” Pearl paused. “If you’d like…”

Blue silenced her with a deep kiss.

“I was just being sarcastic with you. Of course, I would love to be a couple with you Pearl. After all, you’re the one I like.”

Pearl was pleasantly surprised. She had no idea Blue had even a bit sarcasm in her before now.

One of Blue’s fingers ran small circles over Pearl’s arm, brushing her skin. Blue’s touch felt similar to Roses’, a feeling she had almost forgotten. Guilty for even thinking of Rose in that moment, Pearl could not help it but become turned on.

Savoring the moment Pearl began to caress her now girlfriend’s hair in return. The short blue strands which fell between her fingers were both wavy and naturally silky. Muttering a hum of contentment, Blue lowered her head a bit into the nook of Pearl’s neck. There, she began to lay light kisses.

The deal was done, they were an item. Wondering if she made the correct decision, Pearl came to the conclusion that if she was truly willing to move on, she needed to make some relational leaps. Though asking Blue to be her girlfriend might have been considered rushed, Lapis mentioned Blue liked Pearl for some time now. Nonetheless, they both agreed to not tell anyone yet for a while, for this reason. Not until after they dated for a bit.

It would also give her time to work things out with Sheena and figure out the best way to break the news. This of course, was terrifying to think about, and Sheena’s reaction more so.

Likely, Pearl would need to stop all contact with her outside school. They did not have classes together this next semester, thank the stars, so it would be simple enough to avoid her. On the other hand, Sheena had the potential to be persistent and chase after her. Predicting her reaction was near impossible.

She was not looking forward to that conversation.


	14. No Going Back

_We need to talk._

Instant regret followed after she had sent that text to Sheena. No one liked receiving that particular message. It almost always meant something serious or foreboding. There was no deleting or undoing it now.

She quickly sent a follow up text to soften it. _There’s something I need to tell you._

Sheena was quick to reply back, no more than a minute later.

_I’m on campus, do you have time now to grab some coffee?_

This was happening all too soon.

Considering this upcoming conversation, meeting in a public space would be in her favor. It would be a gamble to how Sheena would take the news.

Over her break between semesters, Pearl went on a long road trip with her housemate Peridot, Lapis, and Blue whom she met for the first time. It did not take long for Pearl to grow an attraction towards Lapis’ roommate, and Blue confessed her similar feelings. On the first day of meeting they hooked up, and by the end of the trip, became a couple.

Anyone who saw how their relationship progressed would say they rushed things. But Blue had apparently liked Pearl since way before the trip. Pearl was still sorting out her own feelings, but she saw no harm in working them out while dating someone else. Blue was a kind person to everyone, and very cute at that. It would have been stupid to reject her, just because of some ex whom Pearl broke up with months ago. Even though the heartbreak still lingered and sometimes kept her up all night, dealing with her emotions was slowly becoming easier. Sheena was too much of a reminder of Rose. Ending her relationship with Sheena would be in her best interest anyway.

Despite her own progress, those last moments of confronting Rose at the beach still plagued her dreams.

Once she parked her car in the west lot, Pearl anxiously walked to the commons area on campus. The coffee shop was next to the large fire pit and bookstore, and could just envision Sheena waiting outside for her at one of the tables. How would she explain everything that happened over the trip? Pearl practiced what she would say to Sheena, by talking to herself in the car. No matter how she tried to sugar coat it, her words felt abrupt and cold. She was truly awful.  

Inside the campus coffee shop, Pearl looked to the left and her right. Sheena, to her surprise, did not appear to be there yet. Pearl ordered a green jasmine tea, since she was not a huge fan of espresso. Even after the barista handed her the drink, Sheena was still nowhere in sight. Pearl decided to wait outside instead or the close quarter space inside.

There were two empty tables near the shop, and Pearl claimed the one near the mailboxes in partial shade. It was just far enough away from where others could overhear them talking. Yet everyone around her seemed so absorbed in their own worlds, Pearl knew that no one would be paying attention to her and Sheena anyway, or intentionally overhear their conversation.

“There you are!”

Behind her, Sheena came up in a warm coat, holding what looked like a drip coffee.

“I had to stop by the administration building to turn in a few forms. Just barely made it into a required class. Why do those random elective classes we end up needing the most fill up so fast?” Sheena pondered figuratively, while taking a seat at their two-person table.

“I’m glad you were able to get in. Can’t say how many times that’s happened to me,” Pearl took a sip of her tea which scalded her tongue. She should have waited a little longer for the drink to cool.

“I missed you over break. Did you have a good time?”

For the next ten minutes, Pearl told Sheena all about her trip without going into detail regarding her friends. It was uncomfortable talking to Sheena, and Pearl found herself rambling.

“So, uh, was there something you needed to talk about?” Sheena asked. “Is everything alright?”

Gulping, Pearl felt her forehead get hot from nervousness, and gripped her tea with both hands. “You’re right, there’s something I need to tell you. Something that’s been difficult for me to tell you since I returned home. Over the trip, I met someone and, well, recently became exclusive.”

Sheena looked dumbfounded.

“ _What.”_

“I really know this is coming from out of nowhere,” Pearl’s voice shook, “but I didn’t want to wait to tell you later.”

“You’re really not kidding. Are you?” It was less of a question, and much more accusatory.

“I’m sorry, I know this is hard to take in… Sheena?”

Without saying a word, Sheena stood up from her chair and began walking away.

“Sheena!” Pearl called out.

The other woman kept on walking.

“Wait!”

“Hold on!”

Pearl chased after Sheena at a brisk pace all the way to the university bell, towards the auditorium.

“Let me explain!” Pearl reached for one of Sheena’s arms. At first contact, the taller woman whipped around.

“I thought _we_ were seeing each other!” Sheena yanked her arm away. “Then you go off on some last-minute road trip and come back with a new girlfriend? What is this bullshit?”

“We never became exclusive! You said yourself, you wanted freedom to see other people like Turquoise.”

“For the record, I’ve known her _far_ longer than I’ve known you. And you _just_ met this girl a week ago. There’s a huge difference.”

“There is no difference.”

“You really believe that? Did it not ever occur to you to have this conversation before you decided to date someone else? Or did my feelings never matter to you?”

“We already had this conversation, when we were talking about Turquoise and seeing other people. But now I’ve decided I don’t want that open kind of relationship,” retaliated Pearl. “I can’t read your mind. If staying exclusive to one another, or not, was so important to you, then you should have brought it up in conversation. Especially after I found out about Turquoise, who’s existence you failed to mention until after I asked!”

“I’m not obligated to tell you every little thing about my life.”

“Well keeping secrets does not exactly bring people closer,” Pearl shot back.

“I could say the same thing about you. You never talked about yourself, your personal life, your opinions, values or anything. It was all about other people, but I didn’t want to get to know other people. I wanted to get to know you.”

Sheena really did not want to understand the real Pearl. Not the inner turmoil resulting from that devastating breakup which her heart was fixated on. Not the Pearl who had permanently destroyed the relationship with her best friend, and almost all her housemates. Not the Pearl who was just trying to get by each day. Pearl wanted to cry, _I was just trying to spare you, because you deserve better._ But what message would that send? And if she did say it, what impact would they have now? Was there anything else to say?

“You know what?” Sheena came closer to Pearl. Her furious green-eyed gaze made her feel smaller.

But Pearl stood where she was. Whatever Sheena had to say to her, she would take it with open ears. Despite their arguing and disagreeing, Sheena was valid to be mad at her.

“I should have never wasted my time with you,” Sheena was now so close, that Pearl could feel her minty breath. Pearl did not want to move away, yet she was now too close to her face.

“Sheena.”

“Then why am I so angry about this?” Sheena grabbed Pearl with both hands by the front of her jacket, and forced her into a kiss.

_Did Sheena have feelings for me this whole time?_

Though the brash ringing of the bell tower hanging over them caused Pearl to flinch, Sheena refused to let go of her. They were in a public space, and thanks to the introduction of the boisterous noise, all eyes were on them. To her right and left people walked past, either giving her weird stares or purposefully averting eye contact.

Pearl struggled to free herself by wriggling around and pushing her away, but the larger woman’s grip was tighter. Why was no one intervening to help?

A blink of light blue hair caught Pearl’s teal eyes.

It was Blue Pearl, frozen in place, watching them.

Pearl’s eyes grew wide and tried prying herself away but Sheena just tightened her grip, continuing the kiss. As a last resort, Pearl bit down on Sheena’s tongue as hard as she could.

The trick seemed to work.

Immediately the taller girl pulled her arms away, and placed a hand over her mouth. After breaking off the kiss, Pearl had a slight taste of blood in her mouth as well now. But she ignored the metallic flavor, and ran towards Blue. Unlike how Sheena had done, the blue haired girl did not walk away from her.

Just as Pearl was about to put a hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder, Blue swat her hand away like an annoying mosquito.

“No,” she said, creasing her forehead. Blue was all serious now. “Why did you never tell me you were seeing someone else? Why weren’t you honest with me?”

“I was getting coffee with her to explain how you and I are in a relationship, and how I had to stop seeing her.”

“You still did not answer my question Pearl,” though Blue was shorter in height, at this moment, she seemed a foot taller. She repeated herself, “How is it you never mentioned her to me, when we became a couple?”

“I planned to, after I cut all my ties, which is what I was doing today.”

“It sure did not appear that way a minute ago.”

“I never intended that to happen. She took me by surprise, kissing me back there. I did not want any of it!”

“Then why didn’t you just walk away? Why did you let her keep kissing you?”

“I tried to, but I wasn't able to break away!”

“But you were able to, once you noticed I was watching,” tears flew down Blue’s cheeks. “Lapis was right, you were seeing someone else. I just got in the way.”

_Lapis…_

“You’ve got it all wrong, she and I never in a relationship, it was never like that.”

“Then what was it then? And what was I? Was I just a vacation replacement for her? You probably never wanted to date me in the first place. It explains why you couldn’t express your feelings for me over the trip. I was too blind to see it, that this was moving way too fast.”

“Isn’t asking you to be my girlfriend the same as confessing? I want to be in a relationship with you and no one else, because I like _you_.” Those words did not even feel like her own, but she was not going to let this mistake get in the way. She should have ignored Sheena, back when they had lecture class together.  

“It’s not the same thing at all. We’re done Pearl. It’s over.”

“What?” Pearl was taken aback. “This whole thing was a misunderstanding. Can’t we work through this together somehow?”

“I liked you a lot Pearl, more than anyone I’ve ever known. But I don’t want to begin a fast-paced relationship off on the wrong foot, always being worried about our future, or if I’m somehow being manipulated. In my past, I’ve allowed others to use my emotions and control me. But now, I’m making steps to only allow safe people in my life. I respect myself enough to not put up with this any longer,” tears filled Blue’s eyes, but she held her head up strong. “That’s why I’m breaking up with you.”

Blue waited for her to respond, but Pearl just stood there completely stunned. When she realized Pearl was not going to say anything Blue said simply, “Bye, Pearl,” and walked away.

For almost the exact reason she broke up with Rose, Blue had with her.


	15. Explanation

What a way to start off her last semester. Not only had she rejected Sheena the week prior, but broke up with her first girlfriend Blue within their first week of dating. Granted she had some hesitations with Sheena, but with Blue there were no reluctances. A genuinely nice person had broken up with her, which made Pearl feel even worse about herself.

Now that school started up for the spring, she could at least have a distraction again. However, the redundancy of her classes, from lectures to papers to group assignments, was almost too much. But Pearl bore with it, knowing this would be her last semester.

Similar to how Peridot planned, Pearl decided to stack all her classes in three days, allowing her to study over four-day weekends. That way, being on campus would not be so exhausting and repetitive each day. This schedule would allow her more time to study, and more down time.

It was ten thirty at night, and Pearl finished her last class of the first week. Finally exiting the classroom, she felt emotionally drained and mentally checked out.

Not the best way to start her last semester, at all.

Despite her tiredness, built up over the week span, Pearl did not feel like simply heading back to the Temple and going to bed. It was a Friday night, and almost everyone had plans. She felt obligated to make some sort of small effort into making her life exciting again, and not as depressing as it was turning. So, instead of turning right driving back to the Temple, she took a left on Beach City University Ave.

She did not have a plan for where she was going per se, but even driving aimlessly sounded better than going straight home. Passing by the outdoor shopping center, Pearl’s stomach growled loudly, and she realized the last time she ate was at noon. Making a quick turn into the giant parking area, she pulled up near the grocery store. Complaining, her stomach let out another growl. So far that week, Pearl did not have time to go grocery shopping, nor did she want to go now. That meant, she would have to consider what she was hungry for, the whole list of food she needed for the week, and need to prepare the time to cook. Normally, she would have happy cooked for herself. But for probably the first time in her life, it seemed like too much effort.

 _Since when is cooking too much effort?_ Pearl thought to herself.

Maybe there was someplace close by, like a restaurant or a bar. Searching on her map app, she saw there was a low-key, local, 24-hour burger diner a mile away. Unable to recall the last time she had meat, or food in general, a burger with fries sounded bizarrely delicious at this hour.

Soon enough she got to the diner, and claiming a booth, Pearl pulled out her laptop after the elderly waitress took her order. Was it normal to eat by herself, or did it look weird, when everyone seated around her was with friends? No, of course it was normal, people did it all the time. She could “justify” being by herself by studying for the following week’s upcoming tests.

In her back pocket she felt her phone give a long buzz.

At first it startled her because she forgot she even put her phone there. Secretly hoping it might be Blue wanting to talk, she fumbled unlocking the device to see who contacted her.

It was only Garnet.

_Hey Pearl, we’re all having a movie night at the Temple, thanks to Peridot setting up the wall and projector. But none of us can’t decide on a choice. Care to join us when you get back home?_

Pearl confided with Garnet everything that happened with Blue, though she struggled to open up about Sheena. It happened last night, when she arrived back home after classes. Garnet, like always, saw through her right away, asking flat out if there was anything she could do to make her feel better. Breaking down, Pearl spilled everything onto her roommate.

Attempting to comfort her, Garnet took the blankets from Pearl’s bed and wrapped them around her, until only her face was showing. Once her work was done, Garnet gave her roommate a giant hug. Deciding not to explain the details with Garnet was her choice. She was not going to burden the older woman like she had with Peridot. However, Garnet wanted to hear everything and listen to her, and even _apologized_ for being absent as her friend.

For some reason, this made Pearl feel even guiltier for holding it in.

This was the reasonable explanation why Garnet was inviting her to join. Though there was still tension between her and Amethyst, at least they would now acknowledge each other if they were in the same room, or even came in contact at school through mutual friends. Despite their lessening hostility, it was still difficult being in the same room as Amy.

Pearl replied to Garnet’s message.

_Hey! I’m out with a couple friends right now, but have fun!_

Okay, so it was a complete lie. But Pearl did not want to go back home, be around people, and be pitied, even though she knew it really was not the case. She purposefully added exclamation marks after every sentence, to make the pass sound less like she was dismissing her roommate.

Garnet replied with a thumbs up emoji, and Pearl privately wished she hadn’t rejected the offer.

When the food came to the table, the burger was slightly overcooked, but still managed to eat most of it. Absorbing herself in her studies, Pearl casually ate the remaining fries, soon forgetting Garnet ever sent the invitation in the first place. If she was going to get over her issues, she needed to drown herself in something worthwhile. Better it be school than alcohol.

Another text came through. Instead of it coming from Garnet again, this time it was Lapis.

_Blue just told me you guys broke up. Tell me honestly what you did and what happened, and maybe I won’t hate you._

_Aren’t we charming,_ Pearl's internal dialogue snarked. Really now, she had no understanding why Peridot was so into her.

Pearl closed her eyes in thought about what she needed to say back. The thought overwhelmed her so much, that rather than causing her mind to explode from creating an appropriate response, she ignored Lapis. Peridot’s girlfriend did not need to learn the details of their breakup from her. Blue would talk to Lapis when she chose, and tell her about how Pearl completely screwed up her first attempt at a normal relationship. That is, if she had not already.

Apparently ignoring Lapis had no effect. Caught off-guard, Pearl’s phone began to buzz, displaying an incoming call from Lapis. Was she not with Peridot, back at the Temple with the rest of her housemates for the movie? It did not matter. Wherever she was, Lapis would find a way to talk to her.

“Hello?” Pearl answered, reluctantly clearing her voice.

“Hey,” Lapis replied with a calm voice, which made her uneasy. “We have to talk.”

She did not like the sound of that.

“Isn’t that what we’re doing now?”

“No, I mean in person. I’m at your place right now with everyone. Well not exactly, I’m outside where one’s listening. Garnet said you were with friends, but Peridot said you were going to be on campus this evening.”

She forgot her conversation with Peridot earlier that day, when they ran into each other. Peridot asked her the same thing Garnet had, about whether she was up for having a movie night. Then, Pearl told her friend she would be either in the library or the lab studying. Why did she have to make that absent-minded white lie?

“About that, I didn’t end up staying on campus. A few friends from my major invited me over to hang out. You know how these spontaneous game nights go,” Pearl forced a chuckle.

Silence.

Inside Pearl cringed, waiting for Lapis’ to say something back.

“Uh-huh. Where are you really, Pearl?”

“Really, do you really care that much about where I am? You do pretty well to make up for a parent.”

There was an audible sigh from the other line. “I don’t care what you’re doing, I just want to talk with you. Tell me where you are, and I’ll come to you.”

There was no other way around Lapis.

“Let’s meet at the diner near the grocery store on the University Avenue.”

“I can be there in fifteen minutes.”

“See you there then.” Pearl hung up quickly, not to be rude, but out of nerves. She knew this moment would come, where Lapis would approach her and want to talk about Blue. However, she did not know that time would come so soon.

So much for her solitary night out alone.

Those fifteen minutes felt both as slow as hours, and as quick as seconds.

Lapis helped herself to the booth seat across from Pearl, once she arrived. She gave a nod in hello. Seeing a new customer, the waitress came over once more to see if they needed anything. Lapis ordered a coffee and nothing else.

“What do you want to talk about?” Pearl asked finally.

“Remember on our trip at Lake Obsidian, what you promised me?”

“About Blue?”

“Yes, _about Blue._ ” Lapis was clearly trying to remain calm and composed.

“We broke up.”

“I’m fully aware of that, thank you.”

“I also had ended things with that other girl.”

“Really? Blue told me the details of how she saw you kissing another girl, who descriptively sounded very similar to Sheena. On that trip, you promised me you wouldn’t mess around with Blue’s feelings. I took that promise seriously, and don’t want to jump to conclusions before hearing what you have to say.”

“It wasn’t what Blue thought it was. I tried telling her that I was cutting ties with Sheena.”

“By making out with her, in front of the whole student body?”

“It was completely forced. I couldn’t break away when she was completely restraining me. I had to bite her to let me go, which was one of my lower moments. That day, I asked Sheena to meet for coffee, to lay it easier on her that I was exclusively seeing someone else. Sheena became mad and when she stormed off I followed. The rest that occurred under that bell tower was her way of taking it out on me.”

“That’s similar to what Blue told me, so I don’t think what you said now was a lie. But that doesn’t mean my best friend is not hurt over this.”

“I tried telling her the truth.”

So, was everything alright between her and Lapis?

“Can I be honest with you Pearl? Maybe it was true, that you were unwillingly pulled into some public make out session with your erratic… friend. That you were only attempting to explain things... But in that moment, when Blue saw her girlfriend make out with a random woman, it tore her heart. For a long time, she liked you, though she was too shy or embarrassed to admit it. She trusted you, more than you think. When she dumped you, it wasn’t because you weren’t truthful in that moment. It was because she was deeply hurt.”

_Hurt, like me?_

It struck Pearl like a slap to the face, reopening emotions she tried desperately to suppress.

Lapis continued when Pearl did not reply back and stared at her fry bits. “What are you planning to do now? Are you going to talk to Blue and apologize again?”

“I don’t know if I should,” Pearl shook. “No, I know that it won’t work _even_ if I did. Blue was adamant about breaking up.”

“How do you know that exactly, have you already tried?”

The pink haired girl shook her head. “If I were Blue, I would want to break ties. It would be invasive of me to cross that boundary.”

“You’re not Blue. You don’t know what she was, or is thinking, unless you talk to her and make some sort of attempt to apologize.”

“I want to. But the more I thought about it, I shouldn’t be in any relationship right now.” Pearl admitted bluntly. “There are things I struggle talking about even with my closest friends. For a moment, I thought that while being with her I could fulfill something. But in the end, no matter what I do, everything tends to fall apart. Blue should forget about me. She does not deserve someone like me.”

Lapis just stared at Pearl. “I really want to hate you right now. I wasn’t telling you to mend your relationship. I was trying to explain how it would be good for you to apologize, and for you both to come to some sort of mutual understanding. But it’s clear now that you’ve made up your mind.”

When Lapis stood up, Pearl saw truly how weary the blue-haired girl was.

“For the record, I’m not telling Peridot anything about you two, for Blue’s privacy. The decision is up to you and Blue, whether you want to talk or let people know. That’s all I have to say.”

Like that, Lapis went to the front counter to pay for her coffee, leaving Pearl in the dust.

What should she have said, to make Lapis understand? That a huge mistake was made on her part, and she knew that she had rushed into a relationship without considering Blue’s feelings? That she was still seeing Sheena when she asked Blue out, but waited to figure how to end things with Sheena on a decent note?

Nothing she could say to Blue, Lapis, or even Sheena would fix anything. When Pearl tried to make things right with both Rose and Amethyst, for example, nothing changed. Even with Peridot she was uncertain how it affected their friendship, despite going on the road trip with her. Why would she ever believe these friendships could be mended?

Perhaps there was no chance making up with Blue, Sheena, Amethyst, and Rose.

With Peridot however… weren’t they still talking?

 _There is still something in my control._ Feeling a new sense of hope, Pearl texted her housemate.

_If you’re still home, is it possible to talk?_

Promptly replying in minutes, Peridot answered back. I _will be here at the house all night, when will you be back?_

_In ten minutes._

Packing up her computer, Pearl jumped out of her seat and paid for the burger at the front counter. She hoped no one overheard the conversation between her and Lapis, since there were not too many people present. But there was no one at the diner she knew, and they were talking quietly anyway. Briskly, almost running, to her car, Pearl devised what she was going to say.

It all made sense now. Pearl realized why Lapis bothered her so damn much, and why she was overprotective of her roommate back at Lake Obsidian. She cared for Peridot, ever since she came out to them all at the Temple. Maybe that attraction she had for her roommate meant something more after all. Now that she admitted to herself her real feelings, she had to do something about it…

No, she could not confess to Peridot. If she did, it would only complicate matters in their friend circle. Like she had done with Rose, it would be in everyone's best interest if she suppressed those feelings. If she was capable of moving on from Rose, surely, she could take the same steps to get her mind off of Peridot.

However, something that was very within her power was to apologize, for how she dumped all her unnecessary "Rose" drama on Peridot. She did not want to hang on to that unsaid guilt anymore.

When turning into her street, Pearl managed to find a space which she could parallel park into, just a few blocks away from the Temple. Running up the steps and unlocking the door to the house, Pearl looked around the living room to find everyone gone. They must have finished the movie.

After dropping her bag in her room, she noticed a note from Garnet on her bed. It did not say much, only that she left for work and would be back late morning.

Walking over to Peridot’s door, she reluctantly knocked three times. Was she not going to answer? Inside the room, Pearl heard a bang and a thud, and then a click which opened the door. Her room was completely dark, besides her monitors on full brightness and the lava lamp night light in the corner. Peridot had her hair fully down, and was not wearing her glasses. Wearing cotton shorts and a black tank top, she put over a green hoodie as she answered. It was hard to tell if she just woke up, or if she was in the middle of working like always.  

“Is everything alright?” Peridot rubbed her eye.

Immediately, Pearl went in for a hug, catching her completely off-guard.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on? What’s this about?” She squirmed but not uncomfortably.

“Peridot, I’m so sorry.”

“What are you talking about? I’m extremely confused.”

“When I told you about Rose that night. I unfairly blew up on you, and I never apologized for treating you like that. I'm so sorry!”

Peridot said nothing, even when Pearl let go. Was her friend holding a grudge against her this whole time?

“Sorry, I’m trying to recall what night you’re speaking of. What happened again?”

_She did not remember._

Pearl stammered awkwardly, deciding if she should indeed remind her, “Well, you see, I… What happened was…”

“Pearl,” Peridot cut her off.

“What?”

“I was joking, I remember what happened.” Her face was deadpan.

“Thank goodness, I'm glad I don’t need to repeat the details! Though for a moment I thought you were being serious. Will you accept my apology for being a terrible friend?”

“Apology? For what? For needing to talk about something you were holding in for months? Pearl, I understand. I could tell it was affecting you. And if I hadn’t been there? I would’ve been the terrible friend for not listening to you.”

“But I yelled at you and said some unkind things. I pulled you into an awkward situation that you did not ask to be in.”

“Technically, you were yelling with Amethyst. None of it was _really_ directed at me. You were simply put, angry, and people usually yell things when they are. Hell, I yell all the time at my computer when I'm mad _._ So, you better stop apologizing, because nothing you did or said hurt me. If anything, I was feeling bad for you!”

It was not Pearl's goal to be the object of Peridot's pity.

“Now that we’re on the topic of yelling at people and inanimate objects,” continued Peridot, “have you talked to Amethyst lately?"

When _was_ the last time she spoke with Amethyst? It had to be that night when they fought.

“We have not spoken in a long time. I don’t see her all too much these days.”

“Well, she’s here at the house all the time with Jasper. It’s difficult to even ignore them most days. Not that I’d want to do that, but you know what I mean. Granted, I’ve observed you’re always on campus these days, studying in the lab, library, or who knows where. So, it makes sense you two haven’t run into each other.”

“Thanks for pointing out my habits.”

“Perhaps if you spend more time around the house, you might have a chance to talk. Eventually, you'll have to interact.”

“While you have a point about it being inevitable, the chances of having a full conversation with her is unlikely. If Amy wanted to still be friends, we would have made up a long time ago. Based on the severity of our fight, mending our friendship would be like putting a bandage over a bullet hole."

“Well, it's up to you. But you'll never know unless you try.”

Why did Peridot have to speak the truth? To avoid being the focal point of the conversation, she asked, “Have you spoke with her lately?”

“Yes, actually, in fact she wouldn’t stop talking to me this evening. For half the duration of the movie, she was pestering me to try one of her barbequed crickets she picked up from this novelty grocery store. She wouldn’t stop shaking the bag in my face, saying how I need the protein,” the blonde folded her arms in protest. “Yeah right, there’s no way I’m going to eat bugs if it’s not required.”

“Has she mentioned anything about that night?”

“Well… I can’t really say. She's kept most of everything to herself. A few times, she’s mentioned you casually by name in conversation, though very brief. I don’t think she’s talked to Garnet either. The reason likely being that you two are roommates. She's been spending more time with Jasper than any of us.”

“You and Jasper seem to have become better friends as well,” observed Pearl.

“I suppose we have, ever since Lapis and I found her getting high that homeless guy on the Boulevard. Since then, we've been hanging out more on a regular basis. Especially since there are issues going on with their family. Although she has not mentioned specifics.”

 “Wait, does this have to do with me and… Rose?”

“Now that is something I can’t really discuss. But Jasper told me how things are pretty rocky with their family now.”

Imagining Amethyst confronting her mother about that affair made Pearl feel lightheaded and sick to her stomach. Pearl’s stomach churned so ferociously, and she wanted to hurl. She managed to both hurt her friends _and_ sabotage their family as well. Rose also had her husband and son Steven, from what she saw in that photo album. Her unintentional affair with Rose had surely wounded them, especially her young son, who would have to make sense of this perhaps the rest of his life. All because of her inability to hold in her secret.

If Amethyst had never invited her over for the family barbecue, it was likely Pearl would never have spilled it.

There was no way things were going to ever be the same with her friends.

Yet she missed those nights they would stay up together, talking about everything and nothing. Or those lazy weekends they would spend at the beach. She missed Amethyst’s rambunctious personality and how it would catch her off guard, and yet make her laugh. Most of all, Pearl wished she had relished those moments rather than take them for granted. She was lucky to even have a best friend at one point, when so many people did not.

“I see. Do you think it would be wise to talk to her? Last time we talked, she wanted to punch me in the face.”

“Hmmm,” Peridot rubbed her chin with her thumb. “Well, I don’t think it would hurt, given she’s had time to collect her thoughts towards you. Whatever thoughts she _does_ have, that is. However, considering that her family life is not exactly put together, it would be reasonable to also wait until the storm blows over. In other words, it’s up to you. I do know for certain, the chance of her punching you in the face again has significantly decreased.”

“Thanks for the encouragement,” Pearl joked sarcastically.

“What are friends for?” Peridot smiled back. _Adorable._

What were friends for, indeed.


	16. Alone

It was lonely at the library during this time of day. From the lack of people, the smell of musky, old books became more prominent. But Pearl did not mind it. It was a homey kind of smell, the close proximity between the shelves made her feel secure and at ease.

Usually, Pearl’s go-to area within the building was the basement. There was no natural lighting there, only deathly bright, fluorescent lighting. It obscured her perception of time, unless she checked the corner of her laptop or phone screen. Currently, her laptop was packed away and her phone was turned off.

Everywhere around her lay utter silence, though not in an uncomfortable sense. No one came to this corner of the basement. Usually most students were upstairs. Probably not even half of the students at Beach City University knew about this area. And Pearl preferred it that way. If she wanted noisy, she would be studying at the Temple instead.

Setting her stack of text books down on the floor, she followed suit, sitting cross-legged. There were no papers which she currently needed to write. She finished all of the essays assigned for that semester, to make time to study for larger quizzes and tests. Those, she had many coming up, though the majority of them simply took memorization. She felt confident in her ability to pass them.

For a solid hour Pearl sat motionless, except when she had to turn a page in her textbook, or if she had to adjust her legs from falling asleep. When yet another half hour had passed, she felt her eyes droop further down and her breathing slow.

“No,” Pearl snapped at herself from her lull. “You can’t fall asleep, you need to study,” she yawned as she talked to herself. There was no question how tired she was, from how little sleep she gained at night. If she was lucky, she would sleep for five hours max.

There were several reasons why Pearl's sleep cycle was so off. The first was forcing herself to study in any free moment. The second was she wanted to avoid certain people on campus, or going home. Thirdly, her anxieties kept her up at night. Ever since her last talk with Rose and that particular falling dream, she had slept constantly, and then it suddenly reversed. Now all she wanted to do was stay awake.

All too prepared for this situation, Pearl quietly opened an energy drink. In the library, opened drinks were not allowed unless it had a lid or was water. But she was not going to spill her delicious green apple flavored drink on anything.

Still, the fizzy drink did not help her feel any more revitalized. Only jittery and slightly dizzy.

Moving to a different place upstairs did not help either. It was only distracting.

Getting up from her spot, she stretched and left her scattered books to the side with a note “do not touch, please.” And after walking a third loop around the floor, she did feel a bit better. She did feel a bit silly to walk in circles, but no one was around watching her.

Or she thought.

When Pearl returned to her secluded spot, there was a familiar female figure leaning against the wall. Her eye makeup seemed a bit heavier than usual, and her hair was pulled up instead of let loose.

“Sheena,” Pearl addressed, as non-emotionally as she could. If she did not value her belongings as much as she did, she would have abandoned everything and left.

“We need to talk.” Sheena adjusted her leaning position so slightly, uncrossing her arms.

“About what exactly?” She tried sounding assertive, but was unsure if her tone came across that way.

“About us? About you and Blue?” Sheena raised her voice, clearly annoyed.

“I don’t have time for this.” Pearl went over to grab her books and escape. Wrong move. Sheena wedged in between.

“You’re not going to avoid me Pearl. Not now.”

Pearl looked around her surroundings. No one else was around. “Do you really intend to talk about this here?”

“Well it’s impossible to reach you any other way. When I went by your house, one of your roommates told me where you might be.”

There were only two people in her house who would have given Sheena her whereabouts. It must have been either Amethyst or Jasper.

“For good reason. It's thanks to _you,_ that Blue and I are no longer together. I already tried having a mature conversation with you about it. But then you had to storm off and then flip switch by forcing me to kiss you in front of everyone, including Blue!”

“You can't blame me for being angry. _It was you_ who promised to be honest with me. This whole time I thought you were serious about us, and you just dropped that bomb like I was nothing to you. I thought we had something, Pearl.”

“What are you talking about? We never had close to a conversation about being in anything similar to a relationship. You cannot put the blame for your own assumptions on me!”

“Oh really? Then what do you consider that talk we had about Turquoise then?”

“That was you being honest with me, that you were in fact fucking another girl. You never said anything about wanting a relationship, even an open one. There was never any agreement between us.” Pearl clenched her fists and took a step towards Sheena.

“But you were never honest with me, regardless of what you think we are.”

“ _Was_ ,” Pearl corrected, swooping down to pack her books, now that Sheena was out of the way. “Now that we’ve established our mutual disagreement on everything, I have to go meet with a group for class.”

Meeting a class group was not exactly true, but she had to say _something_ to get out of this situation. Pearl hated speaking this bluntly or rudely, especially in public places, but it was the only way she could make Sheena leave her alone.  

However, Sheena would not let her pass.

“Would you so kindly stop blocking my way?” Too timid to hear Sheena’s response, she turned down an aisle, creating an alternate path around.

A tight grasp caught her arm from behind, pulling her backwards forcefully and making Pearl drop her book bag.

Sheena whipped Pearl around to face her, before shoving her against the bookcase. She silenced any sound Pearl could make by closing her lips with her own. Tightening her grip on Pearl, the taller girl shot one knee between her legs, causing her to yelp in Sheena’s mouth. In retaliation, Sheena bit down on her tongue, causing it to give off the taste of metallic. But even then, she did not stop.

Writhing to free herself was exhausting. Sheena was much stronger and more muscular than her thin frame. When the woman’s hand made her way inside Pearl’s clothes. Pearl squirmed in response, and her voice muffled by Sheena’s lips. Pinned like this, there was not much else she could do to release Sheena’s hold.

Pearl wanted it all to stop. However, Sheena proceeded to shove as many fingers as she could inside. On several of her fingers she wore sharp rings, which hurt excruciatingly. Even though there was pain involved when they hooked up in the past, this was way different. It was leagues worse.

She never gave up trying to fight back, but Sheena never let up, even when Pearl felt herself on the brink of climax.

Only after Pearl's knees went weak, her body tensed and slumped down the bookcase. Sheena let go of her, finally satisfied. Pearl caught herself on the shelf before she could collapse on the floor. Her shirt was tucked out, pants unbuttoned, and had broken out into a gross sweat. She could not say a word, only the panting of her breath was left.

Raising an eyebrow, Sheena adjusted her pony tail. “Really, you enjoyed it that much? Too bad. That’s all I had to say to you, really. Thanks for talking.”

Pearl’s watery teal blue eyes blurred up, so she could not see Sheena walk away. Instead she focused on herself. She was bleeding.

Feeling both soreness and stinging, Pearl stumbled to push herself up fully, and fix her outfit. Her books littered the aisle floor where she stood, and one by one she picked them up. It hurt more to bend down when she reached for them, as opposed to just standing.

Wiping away her tears, she made sure her composure was semi-normal, before walking slowly to the check out. The librarian at the counter looked her in the eyes, but never asked anything more than if she wanted a receipt.

Instead of detouring, Pearl went straight home. As she approached the door to her house, it felt foreign being here during the day. In the kitchen and living room, everyone seemed to be away. Probably in classes.

Dropping her backpack and bag in her room, she went over to the bathroom and began running lukewarm water in the tub. As she stripped off her clothing, she observed how blood had seeped through. Luckily for her, it had not been that noticeable... She would soak those clothes after her bath and try salvaging what articles she could.

Letting herself go, Pearl climbed in the tub. As hot water engulfed her lower half, she immediately felt the piercing stinging which she both anticipated and dreaded.

 _“Damn it,_ why did I let myself get close to you in the first place?” Tears rolled down Pearl’s soft cheeks as she hugged both legs. She wanted to drown.

She truly hated herself.


End file.
